Once they have been on the planet long enough for their principles and values to be defined, the vast majority of INTJs are very stable in life. They have figured out what matters to them and live their lives on a straight line connecting where they are to where they want to be. No distractions. No wasted time, energy, or effort.
Sure, that may sound uneventful and downright boring to a lot of people? Not at all. There is so much to learn and figure out.. so many different ways to refine things into something better, more useful, or more user friendly.
Beneath the aloof disposition is a huge heart that wants everybody and everything to work together at the best of its possible potential. INTJs see when things are not running smoothly. And, they see why. And, they see the desired end product. And, they see what repair, or adjustment, or compromise needs to be made. They don’t play games or manipulate or deceive. Too much confusion and dysfunction in that approach, and it gets in the way of getting things done!
Compared to other personalities, INTJs do not stay stuck on things for very long. They will either figure out the issue, or they will determine that there is no possible solution, and will devote their energy elsewhere so that it will make a positive difference.
Once they get past that awkward self-defining, conceited, condescending, know-it-all-and-want-you-to-know-it phase, INTJs settle in to an aura of quiet confidence and conviction. They don’t get caught up in trendy fads, drama, or the natural ebb and flow that changes peoples minds on a constant basis. INTJs have keener vision and see beyond the hype. When many get lost in possibilities, an INTJ has already already done the math, checked it twice, and will be waiting for the rest to figure it out for themselves.
Some people find that to be very cool. Others find that same quality to be annoying and somewhat intimidating. There is no future in insecurity. Do more with the time!
Some INTJs are cool about their coolness. Others are at the extremes of frustration with the world for not seeing the issues and not caring enough to want things to be better, or, at the other end, they have given up and stopped trying to help. The worst of the INTJs have snapped and become bitter, turning their backs on the hopelessness of fighting a winless battle. That is not cool at all.
The coolest of the INTJs are the ones who live their lives in the background and use the power of their minds to care for the greater good of humanity. They have a soft spot for those who are very close to them — emotional investment is a whole new dimension of coolness! If you want somebody who will happly place your future success and contentment in the center of their universe, bond with the soul of a healthy INTJ. (They are going to make you work for it!)
INTJs will make your life amazing in ways you never even imagined.. All they ask in return is that you keep improving. Sounds fair, right?
What are the best MBTI profiles to manage INTJ-T?
Manage an INTJ? Tough question because INTJs are fiercely independant and driven. In many cases I’ve found being ‘managed’ hindering to what a person or organisation could get out of me.
But, that doesn’t mean it can’t be done. It just has to not be obvious that it’s being done.
The best person who ‘managed’ me:
- Gave credit when I didn’t expect it
- Listened to my reasoning and actively supported it or give a good reason as to why not
- Is respectful and fair
- Did their job, and did it well
- Knew when I’m doing a good job
- Stayed out of my way for the most part
My last manager who did this was an INFJ and I just think she’s the best thing since sliced bread. I actually worked much harder than I needed to because when it appeared like she might not know much about a certain topic, I didn’t want her to become exposed to dealing with issues or critiscm.
I never really felt like I was being managed. And when she did give me feedback that wasn’t positive, I took the hit and actually thought about it because she was quite fair so if she was saying I was being an asshole, then I need to go and think about how not to be an asshole.
In essence, I respected her so I let her manage me. I like 95% of the things she did and how she went about them, and I could let the 5% of her faults go.
Why don’t INTJs pursue their crushes who like them too?
I personally have a very intricate categorization system for the women in my life…
But, basically:
If I don’t intend on marrying the person, I won’t be actively pursuing them.
Why? Because it’s a waste of my time. Most feelings and relationships are temporary.
So, if someone intends on taking that “special place” in my life, they’ll have to stand the test of time.
Perhaps, your particular INTJ has a similar method/system?
Comments:
Very well said. Plain and simple. I am the exact same way. We often put people of interest throughout a series of tests and basically if they are still willing after all the hell placed on them, then they have proven worthy of our love. Sounds awful, I know but it basically weeds out those whom wouldn’t stay through the tough times anyways and one thing we hate is wasting time.
I mean, not that I’m one to talk. As an INTP I’m not exactly surrounding myself with a gaggle of friends and other relationships either.
But to say that someone who isn’t going to stick with you for life isn’t worth your time and energy at all? That’s dark.
Especially when you consider that we end up learning a lot of things from the transient relationships over the course of our lives.
Enabling us to do much better when we do finally meet that special someone. Someone who may simply choose to disregard you because you didn’t actually spend any time learning those lessons from the people you dismissed.
I think maybe you misunderstood my answer, or I misunderstood OP’s question…
I’m more than happy build friendships, explore personalities, and discover new people.
However, the keyword here was “pursue”. Which, to me, indicated that OP was looking for their INTJ to make a solid investment in their relationship.
That, I’d certainly be against. Especially at such an early stage.
Ah, see. But there’s the difference in interpretation.
That means you took “relationship” inherently meaning “romantic relationship” or “sexual relationship” and excluding other forms of relationships.
ANY relationship. Consider that angle. If you wouldn’t want to be friends (or more) with someone, unless they’d stick around for life?
A “crush” is generally associated with romantic relationships. It’s also defined as a “brief but intense infatuation for someone”.
How else would I interpret it? x)
And, again, I’m personally open to new people and friends (even if they aren’t going to stick around for life).
However, if someone had a “crush” on me and expected me to “pursue” them, I simply couldn’t oblige. Least not until after the crush had subsided, and their feelings as well as their general state of mind, were closer to reality.
Even if I had the crush, I would still wait for the crush (mine and hers, both) to subside, before even considering to pursue.
&You’re right, I wouldn’t know. That’s why I said:
“…if someone intends on taking that ‘special place’ in my life, they’ll have to stand the test of time.”
———————
lol. What’s the problem here Danjal??? >>>:S
Well, maybe this is just me. Maybe “other people” do things differently.
But I generally disregard people whom I have no interest in and pursue relationships (whether friendships or otherwise) with people I consider interesting. Regardless of any expected length.
Whether that just be a week, a month, a year or longer.
You just don’t know how long something will last. People may have the intent to be friends for life and things won’t work out that way.
The only way to know whether something will stand the test of time, is quite literally make it stand the test of time. That’s why it is the test of time…
For a relationship to stand the test of time before you’re even willing to consider them? That’s rather unintuitive? It can’t stand the test of time unless you pursue any form of relationship… Which you said you’re unwilling to do unless you know it’ll last.
Ah, ok.
I see what you’re saying. And, I absolutely agree with you.
By “stand the test of time”, I simply meant that the person would have to be a friend or long standing acquaintance, first. As opposed to getting into a formal dating or emotional/romantic relationship, right from the crush stage.
I feel, and I think you agree with this as well, that there should be a period of “feeling the person out”, before getting into a formal relationship or investing any real time and/or effort into pursuing them.
However, with that said, it’s not really possible to come to a realistic conclusion about someone if you’re blinded by your feelings, or your “crush”, for them.
Hence, I (and I imagine other INTJ’ as well?) would not be likely to pursue a crush and would rather let it play itself out, while still trying to maintain any friendship or relationship that I may have built with them thus far.
I think I should’ve made that point a little more clear in my answer. That although an INTJ might not be “actively pursuing” you, he/she might still be open to a friendship, or the future possibility of a relationship – given the time.
I am friends with at least two INTJs that I’m aware of and had a brief acquaintance with a third. And they do all seem to share that trait yes.
I also. Have the same sat for wen in my life, INTJ here
Short and well explained. Hats off 🙂
This is so me ! 🙂
This is so true
Actually I do pursue my crush once I am 100% sure that I have a crush and that they also have a crush AND mean it serious. While flirty behaviour seems to be great fun for most other types and an INTJ may indulge in it as well, if it does not automatically lead on to a relationship, the INTJ will soon shift focus. INTJ’s are thrifty economists with their time, attention, mental energy and finances, and do not invest in high risk / low certainty undertakings.
The reason that I won’t pursue a crush is that the other person must still prove that they mean it, and any similar flirtatious action with others is reason enough to hold against them that they aren’t. When that occurs, I recede, drop interest, and avoid that person. I believe in absolutes, and I do not work on probability.
I see nothing wrong with men or wemen having more than one relationship at a time the kicker is being upfront and honest about how you feel.
That way you are not emotionally ready for a serous relationship and if that other person is actively seeking that special person then they will be the one to end it because they will not want to waste their time with you .I call that being fair
INFJ and i’m just the same.. must be the Ni 😂
Who is smarter, an INTJ or an INFJ, and why?
A team with one of each is almost unbeatable, except
- if they’re not careful they’ll have an argument where the INFJ will propose some golden shining thing of perfect morality and the INTJ will go, “Pfft, yeah, like you’ll ever convince humans to go along with that,” and they’ll wind up not speaking to each other
- or they’ll avoid that pitfall and instead talk until they die of starvation and sleep deprivation or until some S person takes pity on them and makes them eat and sleep