I’ll start with the weaknesses because those can be staggering. Inability to trust without knowing a person really, really well is a big one. I might trust a person with my life and my wallet and bank account before I trust that person with my heart. This can be a serious problem in therapy but if you want to get close to an INTJ you need to understand this very important difference.
Part of the reason for this distrust is that:
- INTJ’s feelings are so sensitive and they don’t like getting hurt any more than anyone else. Yet they do get hurt really deeply so easily.
- navigating relationships is like walking into a forest blind. INTJ’s know that one wrong step is going to get them hurt badly but they haven’t a clue how to prevent it.
As for strength, their biggest strength in relationships is loyalty to those who do finally prove themselves trustworthy and earn their trust. I read that all the time. Not that the INTJ is likely to make a verbal statement that “You have earned my trust.” However, if they express disappointment in you, you can be pretty sure you made it into the inner circle or very close to it. Otherwise, they would not bother; they’d just decide, “This person isn’t worth my time and effort,” and move on, ignoring you.
The expression of disappointment is an effort to solve a problem, and most of all, to save the relationship. If you want better methods of solving relationship problems you may have to coach us in the exact method you prefer. But don’t do the coaching on the spot before you’re back in this person’s good graces. Remember those sensitive feelings that are shown only to you and a select few other trusted individuals.
What are INTJs best at?
I think that this question is impossible to answer with one particular perspective. As an INTJ-A and a big fan of type-casting and in general (algorithms), I’ll share my perspective:
I (believe/think/feel/suspect) that INTJ’s are best at spending years or decades collecting seemingly unconnected bits of information that is combined with knowledge acquired through reading, self-designed experiments, and observations. Along the way, life circumstances specific to each one begin to emerge from a collection of experiences or a few compelling ones. Once a purpose of life is identified and refined through the years into a vision, or if a mission presents itself that aligns with the vision, they can take that cumulative understanding and apply with persistence, resulting in a high rate of successful outcomes relative to the intended goal.
To summarize, I think INTJ’s are best at perceiving a potential pattern which they then seek to understand and reverse engineer, followed by applying and refining. They realize that this is just one of many and that they are all connected and meshed by forces unknown to them, but that clearly exist. Spending a lifetime seeking to understand this backbone interconnection that governs what appears to render us without willpower or limited control at best; once they find a purpose, it is very probable that they can achieve it given that the focus of life is in understanding its source code.
What makes INTJ one of the cooler personalities in MBTI?
Once they have been on the planet long enough for their principles and values to be defined, the vast majority of INTJs are very stable in life. They have figured out what matters to them and live their lives on a straight line connecting where they are to where they want to be. No distractions. No wasted time, energy, or effort.
Sure, that may sound uneventful and downright boring to a lot of people? Not at all. There is so much to learn and figure out.. so many different ways to refine things into something better, more useful, or more user friendly.
Beneath the aloof disposition is a huge heart that wants everybody and everything to work together at the best of its possible potential. INTJs see when things are not running smoothly. And, they see why. And, they see the desired end product. And, they see what repair, or adjustment, or compromise needs to be made. They don’t play games or manipulate or deceive. Too much confusion and dysfunction in that approach, and it gets in the way of getting things done!
Compared to other personalities, INTJs do not stay stuck on things for very long. They will either figure out the issue, or they will determine that there is no possible solution, and will devote their energy elsewhere so that it will make a positive difference.
Once they get past that awkward self-defining, conceited, condescending, know-it-all-and-want-you-to-know-it phase, INTJs settle in to an aura of quiet confidence and conviction. They don’t get caught up in trendy fads, drama, or the natural ebb and flow that changes peoples minds on a constant basis. INTJs have keener vision and see beyond the hype. When many get lost in possibilities, an INTJ has already already done the math, checked it twice, and will be waiting for the rest to figure it out for themselves.
Some people find that to be very cool. Others find that same quality to be annoying and somewhat intimidating. There is no future in insecurity. Do more with the time!
Some INTJs are cool about their coolness. Others are at the extremes of frustration with the world for not seeing the issues and not caring enough to want things to be better, or, at the other end, they have given up and stopped trying to help. The worst of the INTJs have snapped and become bitter, turning their backs on the hopelessness of fighting a winless battle. That is not cool at all.
The coolest of the INTJs are the ones who live their lives in the background and use the power of their minds to care for the greater good of humanity. They have a soft spot for those who are very close to them — emotional investment is a whole new dimension of coolness! If you want somebody who will happly place your future success and contentment in the center of their universe, bond with the soul of a healthy INTJ. (They are going to make you work for it!)
INTJs will make your life amazing in ways you never even imagined.. All they ask in return is that you keep improving. Sounds fair, right?