How do INTJs prefer orders be given by authority figures, e.g. parent, teacher, supervisor? Orders must be obeyed but some forms make us want to rebel. What form of “orders” will make an INTJ feel willing to cooperate?As an INTJ, I’d argue that not all orders HAVE to be obeyed. If I think it’s irrational or reckless, I won’t follow it, even if it’s from an authority figure. I’m my own authority. And I’m not putting my name behind any decision that makes me look bad.
If someone wanted to have the best chance of asking me or another INTJ to follow an order, then the order should
- make sense,
- be given in a respectful manner, and
- shouldn’t be anything that is a waste of time or resources.
- If it’s practical and it
- doesn’t have any negative effect to us, we’ll do it. Have no reason not to.
How to avoid burnout as an INTJ? I usually always push myself to work harder, but these last years i always ended up feeling burnt out at one point of the school year. It’s kind of draining lots of my energy, and making my studies a bit harder as well. I just can’t help but study until i reach my breaking point. I could use some piece of advice :)
ENFP here. I work in hospice and have had patients with INTJ preferences. They tend to struggle the most with loneliness and nihilism at the end of life. This is often the result of a lifetime of intellectual or career obsession that dwarfed their maintenance of close relationships and spiritual exploration. Hard work is fine, it can even be fun, but when it comes at the expense of your health, happiness or close relationships…you will lose every time. As someone who spends her life with the dying, the best advice I have is to remember is that your body and brain will eventually deteriorate and pass on, but energy does not disappear, it simply changes form. Don’t waste your life on burn out and misery in order to gain temporal advantage. Enjoy the moment and remember that matter doesn’t really matter…when you die, you aren’t taking any of it with you.
What does it means if INTJ can’t promise anything and doesn’t want to make me disappoint while still contacting me?
For the most part, and in my experience, when an INTJ is in serious communication with you, you can take what is said at face value. Duplicity is generally not a trait I find in at least the INTJ types I have known. Yes, they may joke, they may be discreet in their choice of words when communication something unflattering, but duplicitous, I have not generally seen.
If an INTJ tells you in candor something like this, he means it and means it to be taken at face value. He is saying he’s not going to make promises he does not know he is not certain he can keep. And he is not going to make them, just to be in a relationship with you for his own gratification.
When it comes to romantic relationship with an INTJ, think of them as naïve gentlemen. Not naïve as in foolish — oh no. They are quite intelligent. But they will not make a commitment on their feelings. How can they? They don’t trust feelings. They have not trusted feeling their whole lives. That’s what makes them xNTJ. And where the ENTJ can be more in the moment and go with the flow and then disappoint, the INTJ can’t.
Now because he wants to communicate with you, he does want a relationship or something from you. But that does not mean he’s going to make promises which he is not certain that he can keep or willing to keep. He himself may not know because he would be acting on feeling.
It’s is a trait of INTJ that comes from xxTJ. They are not willing to commit on their feelings. Oh they have them and very deeply, but they don’t have the “experience” to know themselves and their feelings. And the constancy of those feelings or the fervor of those feelings. It’s like asking a digital computer to calculate an analog answer. It can approximate, but it’s not the same. Feelings are irrational and the xxTJ is extraordinarily rationally, irrational about feelings. He thinks they can be discounted. They can’t!!!
So he will not act on or will be hesitant to act on irrational feelings. It is contrary to his self image. But feelings are irrational — by their very nature. He even has them. The can run deep. Yet in his calculus of behavior, he chooses rational which to him is not to act on feelings even though he has them. He over thinks. He over analyzes. There is no over analyzing feelings. That is the inner conflict and all you can do is make a choice: accept, decline, or be patient.
So you have to decide if you want a relationship. If not, send him packing, but be gentle. In my experience, when you leave an INTJ the hurt is deep. They don’t bounce back like the Exxx do.
My advice, be patient. Leave the channels of communication open. And tell him truth. If you willing to be patient for a few months, then tell him. If you ready to move on, tell him. Be honest. Not as some ultimatum — but honestly ask yourself what you want and tell him. Because that is what he has done. He has put his cards on the table. You have to do the same.
How do you know when an INTJ truly cares about you?
Well, it’s hard to oversee.
There is a very limited circle of people for whom typical INTJs would care.
But if they do then
- They give you their time. For an extremely independent individual it’s a big deal.
- When they do something crazy, you have good chances to be included in their indeavors.
- They give you loyalty. It’s not the kind of people who would turn their backs on you.
- They’re 100% present for you. Again, for a person who spends a lot of time inside his head it’s a lot of giving.
- They give you trust. And they assume you’re a person who can be trusted.
- They would be patient with you even though they might believe that you’re doing something really stupid. They would go an extra mile to give you a hand.
- They share honest opinion with you.
- They keep in touch with you for a number of years. They would even initiate the contact.
- If you face a problem and ask them for help, they will not be in peace until the solution is found.
- They do their best to know and understand you fully. They often get to understand you better than you know yourself. They bother to apply an effort to achieve this result.