As an INTJ I really want honesty to be honest. I want people to be rational, to say things the way they actually are instead of being “nice” and trying not to hurt.
I also want to be free and live on my own terms and conditions without no one telling me who, what, when, where, why I do whatever the hell I do in my life.
I also want to know EVERYTHING, good and bad about this world. I feel like TOO MUCH things are hidden from us and though the reality might not be all pink vanilla roses, i’d rather know everything than blindly and illogically believe what people want me to believe.
I also want to be understood more. Very few people understand me and most just say I’m crazy… for what?
So yeah and unfortunately, that’s the sort of thing I may never get.
When an INTJ is mad at you and wants to wreck your life, how do you escape their torment?
By nature, INTJs are quick with their thoughts, yet deliberate in their decisions. This is especially true when emotions are concerned.
Chances are, for somebody to even earn a spot on the INTJs naughty list, they had to first pay a hefty toll to earn their trust. This takes time. INTJs value their time.
If the INTJ is not invested, they are difficult to anger to point that tormenting anybody is even worth their time. The INTJ will shrug with calm indifference at the feeble attempt to bait them with senseless drama and extricate themselves from the presence of the percieved idiot.
However, if it is somebody they let their guard down for, it likely took quite a bit of effort to anger them to the point that an emotional response becomes an option. The INTJ will seek compromise and try to be understanding. They will communicate what they believe to be the best course of action. They will outline their expectation. They will have a goal in mind for the intended end result.
INTJs are forward thinkers that are very calculated in their assessments.
There is only one way out. In that extended moment of uncomfortable contemplative silence that follows the realization that the plan is taking a detour, the INTJ is searching for opposing perspectives that will provide some enlightenment to explain where things did not go as expected.
If you can rationally detail how the INTJ is being selfish, ignorant, or short-sighted.. you will earn their respect. Maybe even a super rare sincere apology.
If the INTJ can’t summon the perspective needed to understand the motivation or intent of the person who is deemed to be betraying them? It’s probably best to hide for the next half century. Yup. Just fall off the face of the planet and disappear.
The thought of regaining the trust of an INTJ after they have been angered to the point that vengeance reigns? You’d have better luck squeezing blood from a stone.
The unwritten code of INTJ conduct states that everybody gets one honest chance to prove their worth. Use it or lose it. For the most part, they don’t care either way.. and just let the superficial squabbles fade to irrelevant nothingness.
Once the emotions get unlocked, the rules change. They will become your greatest asset or most formidable liability. And, because the INTJ is so open minded, they will let the other person determine their own fate.
If you managed to anger an INTJ to the point that you would legitimately fear any negative consequence, I would be curious to know what provoked such a reaction. What hints were missed? Who changed the plan? Who failed to communicate intentions? Who took advantage of the situation? Who failed to adapt?
INTJs don’t like surprises. It overwhelms their inferior Se function.
And, even worse, INTJs don’t like it when they fail to accurately anticipate how any situation might play out. They pride themselves on the strength of their intuition. Anger becomes self betrayal. Not only did they get surprised, they failed to see it coming. INTJs don’t like being wrong, and they dont like to set themselves up for future disappointment by offering forgiveness.
INTJs are dismissive of the petty stuff. They will just walk away and forget you exist on the planet. Problem solved.
Lie in court and steal their kids? Tarnish their professional reputation? Disregard all the sacrifices they have made for your opportunistic benefit while mocking them for the generosity? Abuse the power of your position to discredit them? Well, congratulations.. you just fueled the jaded passion of the next Ted Kaczynski. And, INTJs have no problem rationalizing and justifying that wrath. After all, they offered countless fair compromises, right?
INTJs are often the quiet and observant ones. Meek and unassuming. More demanding of themselves than of those areond them. Autonomous. Unimposing. They secretly have huge hearts and give far too much to those they deem worthy of acceptance.
Under the surface, a fire burns.. it would be wise to avoid getting caught up in the negative power of the dormant inferno. Best not to provoke that dragon.
And, if you have.. the only way out is to be honest, explain your motivations, and hope they have the maturity and vision required to see your perspective.
If that can’t happen, life becomes merely a consequence of poor reactions and decisions. Own them and move on.
What is it about an INTJ that makes them seem selfish in the end even when we feel warm and loving toward them?
INTJs seem selfish because they have established their own parameters for giving—giving of themselves, giving of the fruits of their labor, sharing their knowledge or other gifts they possess. These parameters influence all aspects of their giving to others.
These parameters generally include a vital element best described as worthiness.
Is the recipient worthy of what the INTJ is contemplating sharing or giving? This worthiness is informed by the INTJ’s own unique value system.
For example: The INTJ may believe that those who will not work do not deserve a handout from the INTJ resources; however, those who are willing to work may be the beneficiary of a chance for employment at INTJ’s business, even if there are no job openings. INTJ will find a way to employ a willing worker down on his luck, for only as long as that person gives his best on the job.
To some—those who believe a person does not have the right to exploit his own property or resources according to his values and choices—this could appear selfish. But INTJ sees a larger picture. By implementing these parameters in their giving, INTJ can sustain jobs for multiple worthy individuals for a longer time than they could by simply giving their resources to other, less deserving individuals who would not appreciate the gift enough to use it to get back on their own feet.
In relationships, a person must prove himself/herself worthy of the commitment INTJ would make before the INTJ will give of himself/herself without reservation. INTJ is extremely loyal, but only to those who have earned that loyalty. This could also appear selfish to some. To others, this is a healthy form of self-care.
INTJ will not give more to any endeavor than the other party is willing to contribute to that shared endeavor. INTJ will not carry the entire load, because that is a drain on resources and energy and the return on that investment results in a negative balance. INTJ is not inclined to give to their own detriment without a very good reason. This is not selfish, it is prudent self-care.
What are the differences between INTJs and an INTPs? (And how do I know which one I am)
INTP’s are along for the ride and enjoy the experience of absorbing difficult, technical subject matter. They are natural academics of the highest order, researchers, and instructors.
INTJ’s are, outside of their hobbies, motivated by the end result. They will not pursue or do well in anything that doesn’t interest them. They are a bit more business-minded and quicker to see patterns. They may be instructors, but it’s an extension of being advocates. They are natural leaders despite being awkward.
Neither type is comfortable in conformist corporate settings.
INTJ’s especially are not impressed by tradition, hierarchy, or protocol. They are open-minded but less likely to seek help when needed. Prior to the GPS, no self-resoecting male INTJ would ever stop to ask someone for directions.
iNTP’s need proof to believe anything, and are, in my experience, less likely to believe in a higher being.
Both types can be impatient, but it’s more visible in the INTJ. Both types have fairly long (but potent) fuses, but the INTJ is more adversarial if someone goes out of the way to ruin his day. If life is not going well for the INTJ, don’t poke the bear!
INTP’s can be charmers and flirtatious, and more mischievous. INTJ’s have a darker sense of humor, more misunderstood, and sometimes lone-rangers. They appear to be hollow but they are not.
Both types are idealists. People think INTJ’s “don’t get it” when they “get it but don’t like it.”
INTJ’s may seem stressed out, but it’s more an annoyance with petty daily annoyances. They are masters of change and highly resourceful in times of crisis.
INTP’s are among the great thinkers, inventors, highest technical intelligence of any type.
Both types enjoy music, history, art, performing arts, and all nature has to offer. Both tend to enjoy the company of animals. Though neither type is known for athletics, INTJ’s may partake to a greater extent, and enjoy the strategic aspects of team sports.