What’s the difference between an assertive INTJ and turbulent INTJ?
My observations have been that turbulent INTJs are more anxious in general. They’re more likely to “overthink” things, or find socialising stressful, or worry about things not being perfect.
Assertive INTJs tend to be more comfortable in their skin. They’re more decisive, more comfortable with strangers and social situation (even if they’d still rather be at home with a good book), and can be more satisfied not attaining perfection before moving forward (although they may plan to come back to things later and tinker, but it’s more effective to forge ahead in the meantime).
Turbulent INTJs might be seen as “shy” or “antisocial” because they don’t feel comfortable putting themselves out there. Assertive INTJs might be seen as “arrogant”, because they seem confident around others, to the point of just not caring that much about their opinions.
Again, merely my own observations having conversed with Ts and As in various INTJ groups.
In general, this is my idea of the assertive / turbulent part of MBTI :
When the traffic light is nearing red, a turbulent person would be the type to walk faster and catch up to it. Most of the time they always do.
An assertive person would stroll, knowing they won’t be able to catch up on time anyway.
Basically, assertive people tend to know their limits and pace themselves. However the downside is that sometimes you get too comfortable with your limits and never push past the boundary. It’s good to know your limits but never limit yourself.
In an INTJ, from what I’ve seen and personally experienced, reflects more as self-assured confidence and a more laid back attitude than their turbulent counterparts. Though the confidence can manifest as arrogance more easily and lead to miscalculations in your own competency lol.
As for turbulent INTJs, I’ve noticed they come off as a tad more intense and aggressive outwardly. You can sense their hunger and drive more easily because they will make sure they get what they want with the power of a strong and persistent personality alone. These INTJs are more likely to be more vocal about their opinions where an assertive INTJ would step back and not bother changing someone else’s mind cos in the end, they know what they believe in and that’s all that matters.
Not to say that either type would completely follow my description. To be honest, I feel like both A and T INTJs are pretty similar and hard to distinguish because INTJs tend to have enough self awareness to know their own limits, and enough confidence and persistence to chase for what they want if deemed important enough.
The distinction seeems very subtle, though I am limited by my experience of INTJs.
If you take another type of personality test such as the Five Factor Model, you would get percentages of scores, including an area called Neuroticism. Often this test is used to see if there are correlations between types of populations and the Neurotic scale which is an indicator of mental instability. There really isn’t a scale of mental instability as part of the MBTI; you cannot tell which you are from the test.
So, with the realization that all people scoring as INTJ are not the same, there have been attempts to divide the types even further. This is especially true because people want to know what faults each have, and MBTI is not designed to show that. The T stands for turbulent and is supposed to be evidenced by INTJ who is awkward at social interactions and uncomfortable with feelings. They are suppose to go into a spiral from intuition to feeling without a cognitive recognition of the feeling. The A stands for assertive, and basically means more stable and mature behavior (i.e less like an INTJ in their weakest areas).
Top 10 Signs you’re an INTJ | 1.9% of the Population
INTJs are among the rarest personality types, accounting for about 1.9 percent of the population. They are also among the most misunderstood personalities, with a unique combination of traits that often surprise and confuse other people.
They are perfectionists, have a lot of opinions, and can be very cold. They spend so much time in their head that they often forget to pay attention to the real world around them.
INTJs are rational, introverted thinkers who need alone time to process everything they’ve observed. They are usually very smart, and generally love figuring out how things work. They like to come up with new ideas and strategies, although they rarely bother to explain these ideas to other people, unless it’s necessary for them to do so.
INTJs are both very private and very social people. They enjoy spending time alone, but they also enjoy the company of friends who have similar interests. They are more on the reserved side, but they can open up about things that interest them.
They are also very independent people. INTJs may seem aloof because they are so self-sufficient, that they don’t need other people to help them or tell them what to do. Just like their brain works in a unique way, their body also needs time to think and process information.
But if most of these points sound like you, then there’s a good chance that you might be an INTJ.
What do INTJs despise?
Top of my list is
- people pretending to be something they’re not, such as:
- knowing more than they do
- being morally better than they are
Some other things I despise are people who:
- are hypocrites, basically the same as the above
- lie, again about deception and dishonesty
- are disrespectful of others, especially the less fortunate and marginalized
- have condescending attitude, basically the same as disrespect but different nuance
- gossip negatively, talk badly about people behind their backs, etc.
- are two-faced and speak charmingly, sympathetically to a person’s face but rip them to shreds behind their backs, gossip about them, etc. This is different from hypocrite because it’s not about morals or objective principles.
Despise vs Hate
Please note that things I despise are different from things I hate. Despise means to lose all respect for the person holding or doing it. Hate means I absolutely hate it (extreme dislike) when someone does it to me, such as stealing my stuff or shouting at me. What I lose when this happens is trust—not respect; I may or may not have had respect for this person but I did trust them to treat their fellow human with decency. Such damaging behaviour destroys trust.
Respect vs Disrespect
By respect, I mean the feeling that a person is worthy as a human being, someone whose opinion counts and whose advice should be taken seriously. When you lose my respect, you no longer count in those very important ways, you no longer matter. I won’t go out of my way to hurt you—it’s too much hassle—but neither will I go out of my way to be good to you. Basically, for all intents and purposes, you no longer exist. If I am forced to deal with you, I will do what I have to as a means to an end, but that’s it.
If I respect you, I will do what I can to please you, make you feel good, be helpful to you. Even if you are a neighbour I barely know, if I have no reason to disrespect you, I will take your input seriously regarding community issues. Just so you know, my default position is respect for all people no matter who they are. To lose that respect you have to actively do or be something I despise.
It can be complicated. If you do something I hate, e.g. steal my stuff or yell at me for no reason, while at the same time claiming to be a good trustworthy citizen, I consider you a hypocrite. You will note that I despise hypocrites.
Why are INTJs so cute?
I think that people who find INTJs cute are only talking about male INTJs. This seems to bear out in the other responses I’m seeing too. I’m a female INTJ and nobody would describe me as “cute.” I’ve been called “intimidating” more times than I can count, which blew my mind the first time I heard it because I’m an anxious mess inside (though by now I understand that’s how I come across to others).
For males, it’s probably the obliviousness, straightforwardness, and unromanticness (not a word but whatever, you get it) that comes across as cute. For females, I think we get judged more harshly as cold, curt, and unfeeling. The INTJ personality goes against everything people think a woman should be, whereas men can “get away with” being the way INTJs are.
Kalina Anara, avid reader, explorer, and music enthusiast
I assume that the writer of this question is an ENFP like me, because I also find my INTJ friends to be super cute.
Maybe it is due to the fact that most of the times they don’t care about their surroundings.
I often find my INTJ friends straying from the group because he/she found something interesting on the way. Then we’ll have a group of people, or at least me, frantically looking for him/her. And most definitely, I would have found him/her staring intensely at an object and walking casually, not realizing that some people actually went out of their way to look for them.
I am very used to adapting to people’s emotions to lessen their uneasiness, one of them is by making sure they don’t feel left out and lonely. But with INTJs… I don’t know, they just seem to be too independent that they find joy in being alone. No uneasiness detected, just cute little INTJs being there on his/her own surrounded by strangers without a care to the world.
And that is also one of the reasons they managed to really picqued my interest.
I also got close with an INTJ recently, and his cuteness was just over the top.
Maybe it was due to the fact that I am used to having guys flirt with me all the time and was honestly bored with such approach. An INTJ’s tactlessness in approaching relationships are just too cute.
I often found his gaze on me and sometimes he blurted out some piece of information that I haven’t shared with him, and he tried to cover it up with some sensible answers. Oh come on, I mean, I know you Googled me.
Not to mention the charmingly witty sense of humor in our late night chats. It’s cute how he always try to make me laugh with silly-smart yet at times obnoxious comments whenever I’m feeling down.
I know that for some INTJs, the early stages of a relationship means data gathering, and thus they still try to look stand-offish of the subject. In the beginning it frustrated me, as ENFPs always try to read and predict how people would behave, and his actions was just… contradictory. Overtime, however, when I finally understood his unusual pattern, I couldn’t help but laugh and find him to be very cute.
Relationships aside, I think the way INTJs passionately chase their dreams, plan the steps to achieve it, and yet still try to look quite pessimistic to not come off as arrogant is also cute.
But I know the truth, buddy. You guys gonna do everything in your power to achieve what you want—and you know that you most probably would succeed.
There is also the fact that they are very mushy inside. I once found my usually-stoic-faced INTJ friend curled up in the corner and cried silently. At first I couldn’t believe it and thought she was joking, as it was really out of her character. But she just kept crying silently—which then automatically turned on my cuddly-supportive teddy bear mode.
That was the first time I actually hugged her without her flinching away!
Later I found out it was because the professor lost her assignment and treated her unfairly. INTJs seem to really hate being treated unfairly and failures in general, and it brought up some contrasting character which I found to be very intriguing.
And thus conclude “Why are INTJs so cute?” from an ENFP point-of-view.
Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, and so is cuteness.
All other things being equal”.
- INTJs are the most independent archetype and won’t desperately chase after women for sex. Actually, with the Se inferior/Si demon, we tend to have pretty low libido and certainly don’t expect women to just give us casual sex.
- Following the previous point, with Ne nemesis, we tend to be mistrustful (some might even say paranoid). We don’t have large social circle and rather seek deep meaningful long-term relationships which we build over time.
- As intellectuals (NT), we utterly hate small talk. On the other hand, we prefer introvert (one on one) deep meaningful conversations, especially those challenging status quo (preconceived, generally accepted ideas). You should definitely try to tap on our vast pool of knowledge and interests (especially in science, technology, philosophy, psychology, etc.)
- With Fi child/Fe trickster, INTJs struggle with social intelligence. Don’t expect us to wear mask (other than the stoic face, which is natural BTW), lavishly praising you or being hypocritical in any way. If being asked our opinion, we will tell you the cold naked truth and then will try to tailor you a pragmatic solution with Ni hero/Te parent. Yet, if your INTJ crush tell you a compliment, expect it to be sincere.
- Most people don’t realize, but Fi child is the source of our idealism. Mature INTJs, those who over came years of bullying and emotional repression, can actually share deep and meaningful emotional experiences with their family and friends. The INTJ’s wife should expect regression (when an adult adopts a childish behavior to cope with intense stressful situations) reactions from their husband such as crying alone in a corner. Here’s the truth, our stoic act is a defense mechanism to avoid being emotionally crushed by ill intended people.
- As teenagers, INTJs struggle with their look because of Se inferior. As adults, they tend to have this very unique yet well balanced style. Our sense of uniqueness and individual charm is at the core of our charisma.
- With Ni hero and Te parent, we always know what we want and how to achieve our personal goals. Let’s admit it, self-confidence is a strong charimastic personality trait.
- INTJs are amazing self-learners and they always have a few tricks/quirks hidden under their sleeves.
- In Western societies TJs are considered the leaders and INTJs are no different. We usually are the discreet leaders extinguishing fires before they even occur. With Ni hero we are visionary, with Te parent we are pragmatic, and with Fi child we have this strong set of values.
- INTJs are totally self-sufficient (Si demon), yet with Se inferior, we always strive to please others with well thought discreet small gestures on daily basis. Since we are future (Ni hero) and mood (Fi child) oriented, we never keep tabs on “favors” given; if not explicitly specified otherwise, consider everything we do as free gestures from the depths of our hearts. Here’s the truth, our normative egoism is just an act to protect ourselves against opportunistic victims of life who constantly cry out about their helplessness but never give it back to anybody.
- The most astonishing part of the INTJ is when we are transitioning to our ESFP subconscious. Who would have thought that this reserved man could be such a natural orator? A good dancer? A descent singer? Not to mention our tackless use of irony, cynicism and sarcasm which can be hilarious. With Se inferior, INTJs have the biggest inferiority complex of all. Expect them to surprise you on those occasion when they overcome their performance anxiety.
- When using their ENTP unconscious, INTJs can also be good debaters, great coach, and fair teachers. In any cases, expect them to be very demanding whenever they accept to mentor you.
To conclude, I shall add that INTJ men usually lack the emotional and social intelligence to be proper boyfriends as teenagers. By opposition to Alpha males types such as ESTP, which start as lions and slow down with time, INTJs usually gain momentum with years. Indeed, we need to wait until 25–30 years old before gaining sufficient interpersonal intelligence and self-confidence to be this mysterious sigma male women crave for.
Here’s, my recommendations for women who have a crush on an INTJ male:
- Initiate the conversation, after all we are introverts.
- Be patient and expect to start off as an acquaintance. As mentioned earlier, we tend to be paranoid.
- Be smart. For INTJs, intelligence and talent is the quintessence of charm. Oh and we utterly hate superficiality and half-baked opinions.
- Be yourself. Sure, we struggle at understanding group dynamics, but never ever expect to lie to an INTJ if he or she is looking you deep in the eyes. Lack of integrity is sure to trigger our excessive mistrust.
- INTJs don’t give a d*** about the past (Si demon). Please, do not brag about your past achievements. Instead take the intuitive approach and talk about the future and it’s possibilities.
- Don’t hesitate to be quirky. INTJs love people who dare to break the mold.