Do INTJs have awareness of the instant connection with ENFPs, or not until much later?

Instant connection between an INTJ and ENFP is NOT guaranteed, just as any other relationship. Each INTJ and ENFP will vary from values, to quirks, and preferences. Although you can’t predict 100 % whether there will be a connection, there is a simple questions as a starting point:

At the initial meeting:

  1. Is the meeting one on one? Or is it a group setting?
  2. What levels of introversion or extroversion is preferred for each person?
  3. What setting are they meeting in?
  • Work Setting
  • Mutual Friend Setting

Humans are complex, and to make matters more complicated, the baseline for the initial connection may also change with new discoveries of each person. Funny story, as an ENFP in my early 20’s I had a mutual male friend that was INTJ, and our initial reaction to each other was very different from when we got to know each other on a deeper level. The INTJ wrote me off as an “air-headed” party friend, while I categorized him as distant, and cold at times. It wasn’t we ended up seeing each other in different settings that this changed, he was looking into different business ideas for selling anti-glare glasses.

INTJ: Here’s a sample of the glasses.

ENFP: Oh cool, you’re thinking of selling these?

INTJ: Yeah they have helped me, just need to get a plan, and need a name.

ENFP: Nice, you should look up the patent database, and business search to ensure the name, and branding is available.

INTJ: * A look of surprise* I didn’t know there was a database for that. I thought you were a bubbly party girl.

ENFP: Yeah I get that alot since there’s no reason to chat about these things in friend settings.

That’s when his perception changed.

My perception of him changed from cold, and distant when I was going through a tough time, and he offered up an extra room. He even helped me move. He was a man of little words, but his actions spoke so loud, I knew that people like him were just rare. It completely changed my perception, and made me understand that everyone is so different from each other. Each person has their own way of doing things, and that’s the beauty of it all. What’s the point of all being the same anyways? We’re just wired differently, and I always joke that if an INTJ and ENFP were to morph together, that we would just take over the world.

Why are ENFPs infatuated to INTJs?

They are fascinating to us.

So calm, quiet, reserved private. We are eager to know more. Us ENFP’s find it easy to read people and get to know people pretty quickly, we have this skill of communication where we can just know if someone’s a good or bad person deep down. We can read people’s emotions very well, and that’s a strength we have.

Until we’ve met INTJ’s.

Indeed yes I am a female ENFP, and yes I fancy an INTJ male. What makes us so drawn to them is the fact they’re the only type we CAN’T READ. They are so impossible to read, and that intrigues us to the max. We wanna learn more and get to know them. We have this need to go deeper, because we know there is something so deep within. We are fascinated. Also the fact they’re so organised, passionate, calm, so private and just interesting people. We could talk for hours and not get bored. We also understand their need for space. They’re just such rare and fascinating humans. We want to dig deep and see what’s within an INTJ. What lurks there. We love INTJ’s. Also their minds are so desirable, we love listening and could listen and talk and ask millions of questions to an INTJ and never get bored.

This answer matches 100% what the ENFPs I know have told me. I’m INTJ and I asked them this out of curiosity.

Let me give you a hot tip.

Talk less.

Listen and UNDERSTAND more. Try to comprehend the benefit of comfortable silences with yr INTJ friends. Not all knowledge of is verbal. And if they every trust you enough to talk about how they are feeling, you better listen, not talk about how you are feeling. We already know how you feel, you never stop taljing about it.

I find most ENFPs to be motor mouths content with one way conversations, and while willing, unable to actually focus to benefit from deep conversations, as they then hop onto the next thought.

When younger I loved you guys, lots of fun. But not so in my old age. I prefer silence.

Yeah, they say it’s because we (INTJ) are deep and stuff but, while this can be true, maybe it’s because we’re one of the few types who knows how to shut up and actually listen to what the other person is saying, instead of just waiting for their turn to speak.

I had an experience similar to yours. Don’t know about their types, but I used to like having deep conversations with extraverted people. But then I realized that for them it was just chit chat that they’d rarely remember a week later (like most of what they talk about) so now I rather be in silence as well

Because every word has meaning, and they usually don’t take the time to casually interact with others. 😊

Why are INTJs so cute?

I think that people who find INTJs cute are only talking about male INTJs. This seems to bear out in the other responses I’m seeing too. I’m a female INTJ and nobody would describe me as “cute.” I’ve been called “intimidating” more times than I can count, which blew my mind the first time I heard it because I’m an anxious mess inside (though by now I understand that’s how I come across to others).

For males, it’s probably the obliviousness, straightforwardness, and unromanticness (not a word but whatever, you get it) that comes across as cute. For females, I think we get judged more harshly as cold, curt, and unfeeling. The INTJ personality goes against everything people think a woman should be, whereas men can “get away with” being the way INTJs are.

 

, avid reader, explorer, and music enthusiast

Updated Nov 11, 2017

I assume that the writer of this question is an ENFP like me, because I also find my INTJ friends to be super cute.

Maybe it is due to the fact that most of the times they don’t care about their surroundings.

I often find my INTJ friends straying from the group because he/she found something interesting on the way. Then we’ll have a group of people, or at least me, frantically looking for him/her. And most definitely, I would have found him/her staring intensely at an object and walking casually, not realizing that some people actually went out of their way to look for them.

I am very used to adapting to people’s emotions to lessen their uneasiness, one of them is by making sure they don’t feel left out and lonely. But with INTJs… I don’t know, they just seem to be too independent that they find joy in being alone. No uneasiness detected, just cute little INTJs being there on his/her own surrounded by strangers without a care to the world.

And that is also one of the reasons they managed to really picqued my interest.

I also got close with an INTJ recently, and his cuteness was just over the top.

Maybe it was due to the fact that I am used to having guys flirt with me all the time and was honestly bored with such approach. An INTJ’s tactlessness in approaching relationships are just too cute.

I often found his gaze on me and sometimes he blurted out some piece of information that I haven’t shared with him, and he tried to cover it up with some sensible answers. Oh come on, I mean, I know you Googled me.

Not to mention the charmingly witty sense of humor in our late night chats. It’s cute how he always try to make me laugh with silly-smart yet at times obnoxious comments whenever I’m feeling down.

I know that for some INTJs, the early stages of a relationship means data gathering, and thus they still try to look stand-offish of the subject. In the beginning it frustrated me, as ENFPs always try to read and predict how people would behave, and his actions was just… contradictory. Overtime, however, when I finally understood his unusual pattern, I couldn’t help but laugh and find him to be very cute.

Relationships aside, I think the way INTJs passionately chase their dreams, plan the steps to achieve it, and yet still try to look quite pessimistic to not come off as arrogant is also cute.

But I know the truth, buddy. You guys gonna do everything in your power to achieve what you want—and you know that you most probably would succeed.

There is also the fact that they are very mushy inside. I once found my usually-stoic-faced INTJ friend curled up in the corner and cried silently. At first I couldn’t believe it and thought she was joking, as it was really out of her character. But she just kept crying silently—which then automatically turned on my cuddly-supportive teddy bear mode.

That was the first time I actually hugged her without her flinching away!

Later I found out it was because the professor lost her assignment and treated her unfairly. INTJs seem to really hate being treated unfairly and failures in general, and it brought up some contrasting character which I found to be very intriguing.

And thus conclude “Why are INTJs so cute?” from an ENFP point-of-view.

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, and so is cuteness.

 

All other things being equal”.

  1. INTJs are the most independent archetype and won’t desperately chase after women for sex. Actually, with the Se inferior/Si demon, we tend to have pretty low libido and certainly don’t expect women to just give us casual sex.
  2. Following the previous point, with Ne nemesis, we tend to be mistrustful (some might even say paranoid). We don’t have large social circle and rather seek deep meaningful long-term relationships which we build over time.
  3. As intellectuals (NT), we utterly hate small talk. On the other hand, we prefer introvert (one on one) deep meaningful conversations, especially those challenging status quo (preconceived, generally accepted ideas). You should definitely try to tap on our vast pool of knowledge and interests (especially in science, technology, philosophy, psychology, etc.)
  4. With Fi child/Fe trickster, INTJs struggle with social intelligence. Don’t expect us to wear mask (other than the stoic face, which is natural BTW), lavishly praising you or being hypocritical in any way. If being asked our opinion, we will tell you the cold naked truth and then will try to tailor you a pragmatic solution with Ni hero/Te parent. Yet, if your INTJ crush tell you a compliment, expect it to be sincere.
  5. Most people don’t realize, but Fi child is the source of our idealism. Mature INTJs, those who over came years of bullying and emotional repression, can actually share deep and meaningful emotional experiences with their family and friends. The INTJ’s wife should expect regression (when an adult adopts a childish behavior to cope with intense stressful situations) reactions from their husband such as crying alone in a corner. Here’s the truth, our stoic act is a defense mechanism to avoid being emotionally crushed by ill intended people.
  6. As teenagers, INTJs struggle with their look because of Se inferior. As adults, they tend to have this very unique yet well balanced style. Our sense of uniqueness and individual charm is at the core of our charisma.
  7. With Ni hero and Te parent, we always know what we want and how to achieve our personal goals. Let’s admit it, self-confidence is a strong charimastic personality trait.
  8. INTJs are amazing self-learners and they always have a few tricks/quirks hidden under their sleeves.
  9. In Western societies TJs are considered the leaders and INTJs are no different. We usually are the discreet leaders extinguishing fires before they even occur. With Ni hero we are visionary, with Te parent we are pragmatic, and with Fi child we have this strong set of values.
  10. INTJs are totally self-sufficient (Si demon), yet with Se inferior, we always strive to please others with well thought discreet small gestures on daily basis. Since we are future (Ni hero) and mood (Fi child) oriented, we never keep tabs on “favors” given; if not explicitly specified otherwise, consider everything we do as free gestures from the depths of our hearts. Here’s the truth, our normative egoism is just an act to protect ourselves against opportunistic victims of life who constantly cry out about their helplessness but never give it back to anybody.
  11. The most astonishing part of the INTJ is when we are transitioning to our ESFP subconscious. Who would have thought that this reserved man could be such a natural orator? A good dancer? A descent singer? Not to mention our tackless use of irony, cynicism and sarcasm which can be hilarious. With Se inferior, INTJs have the biggest inferiority complex of all. Expect them to surprise you on those occasion when they overcome their performance anxiety.
  12. When using their ENTP unconscious, INTJs can also be good debaters, great coach, and fair teachers. In any cases, expect them to be very demanding whenever they accept to mentor you.

To conclude, I shall add that INTJ men usually lack the emotional and social intelligence to be proper boyfriends as teenagers. By opposition to Alpha males types such as ESTP, which start as lions and slow down with time, INTJs usually gain momentum with years. Indeed, we need to wait until 25–30 years old before gaining sufficient interpersonal intelligence and self-confidence to be this mysterious sigma male women crave for.

Here’s, my recommendations for women who have a crush on an INTJ male:

  • Initiate the conversation, after all we are introverts.
  • Be patient and expect to start off as an acquaintance. As mentioned earlier, we tend to be paranoid.
  • Be smart. For INTJs, intelligence and talent is the quintessence of charm. Oh and we utterly hate superficiality and half-baked opinions.
  • Be yourself. Sure, we struggle at understanding group dynamics, but never ever expect to lie to an INTJ if he or she is looking you deep in the eyes. Lack of integrity is sure to trigger our excessive mistrust.
  • INTJs don’t give a d*** about the past (Si demon). Please, do not brag about your past achievements. Instead take the intuitive approach and talk about the future and it’s possibilities.
  • Don’t hesitate to be quirky. INTJs love people who dare to break the mold.