Gaslighting defined

Gaslighting happens when an abuser tries to control a victim by twisting their sense of reality. An example of gaslighting would be a partner doing something abusive and then denying it happened. Gaslighters may also convince their victims that they’re mentally unfit or too sensitive

 

  1. manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.

Is it normal for cops to gaslight?

It’s part of the game of interview & interrogation. If you just take someone’s statement at face value you are not doing your job as a law enforcement officer and investigator. Hopefully by questioning a person’s statement you will get the truth and send the right person to trial.

Gaslighting occurs for The sole purpose of harassment and no other reason. A police interview serves a purpose.

(both are done to achieve power and control over others)

What are some gaslighting phrases?

When you express your feelings to someone who did you wrong;

  • I am sorry you feel that way (demeaning, devaluing feelings and presuming a superior position in projecting blame onto you)
  • You have that wrong
  • That didn’t happen (attempting to make you doubt your reality)
  • You are overreacting
  • You are too sensitive (devaluing your feelings)
  • The latest one ‘it is better to be kind than to be right’. Twisting the meaning to suit; to attempt to make out you are the unkind one when calling out what they did wrong and/or were disrespectful of you. This is to make you doubt yourself (you were the unkind one) and attempt to rob you of your reality (gaslighting in action) – and when saying it to others, it is a character assassination (malice). In reality calling out disrespect and moving away from it is the kind and right thing to do for ourselves – always.
  • You will never find anyone else (went on to find my soulmate once I got rid of him. They see your strength and try and bring you down to make it your reality).
  • You have issues (demeaning and taking the superior position in the attempts to deflect from their wrong doing to make you doubt yourself, your reality of what they did wrong to you.)
  • There is something wrong with you (projecting)
  • You are crazy
  • You are weird
  • Oh isn’t she nasty or unsociable etc (when you move away from them respectfully – in comes the character assassination gossip).

Laugh it off and keep bringing the focus back onto what happened – the truth. As gaslighting is a means of deflecting from the reality of what they did to you. Stand in your truth – unmoved and do not buy into what they say. I zone out as soon as I here any of the above – one ear out the other. It is more likely to upset those with low self esteem and confidence. Build yours up and stand your ground and then they can’t touch you. Moving onto to those who are worth your time, focus and energy – those who respect and value you (including your feelings).

People who gaslight do so for various reasons. They are insecure people who cannot take responsibility for their actions. Usually for dominance and control when in the wrong and seek to justify to retain superiority. And they don’t want to take accountability for their actions that are wrong or harm – not caring about the others feeling or they don’t want to deal with their inadequacies or guilt – so they will blame and project. They will have trouble in all their relationships – and may enter into mutually abusive ones.

Stay with your truth and keep bringing it back when they deflect. Then do what is kind and good for you – move away from such people for good. To those who value your feelings and respect you – those worthy or your energy and time with head held high.

Police Allowed to Gaslight, but not officially

If I remember correctly, all police departments allow their sworn officers to “gaslight”, but they need special permission. Some do not allow the officers to wear their uniform while working a part-time security job. That makes sense because, if a gaslighting officer takes police action, and they are wearing their police department uniform, the municipality the officer works for may be responsible for any errors the officer commits. That makes the municipality liable to a lawsuit; and that’s not a good thing.

When you express your feelings to someone who did you wrong;

  • I am sorry you feel that way (demeaning, devaluing feelings and presuming a superior position in projecting blame onto you)
  • You have that wrong
  • That didn’t happen (attempting to make you doubt your reality)
  • You are overreacting
  • You are too sensitive (devaluing your feelings)
  • The latest one ‘it is better to be kind than to be right’. Twisting the meaning to suit; to attempt to make out you are the unkind one when calling out what they did wrong and/or were disrespectful of you. This is to make you doubt yourself (you were the unkind one) and attempt to rob you of your reality (gaslighting in action) – and when saying it to others, it is a character assassination (malice). In reality calling out disrespect and moving away from it is the kind and right thing to do for ourselves – always.
  • You will never find anyone else (went on to find my soulmate once I got rid of him. They see your strength and try and bring you down to make it your reality).
  • You have issues (demeaning and taking the superior position in the attempts to deflect from their wrong doing to make you doubt yourself, your reality of what they did wrong to you.)
  • There is something wrong with you (projecting)
  • You are crazy
  • You are weird
  • Oh isn’t she nasty or unsociable etc (when you move away from them respectfully – in comes the character assassination gossip).

Laugh it off and keep bringing the focus back onto what happened – the truth. As gaslighting is a means of deflecting from the reality of what they did to you. Stand in your truth – unmoved and do not buy into what they say. I zone out as soon as I here any of the above – one ear out the other. It is more likely to upset those with low self esteem and confidence. Build yours up and stand your ground and then they can’t touch you. Moving onto to those who are worth your time, focus and energy – those who respect and value you (including your feelings).

People who gaslight do so for various reasons. They are insecure people who cannot take responsibility for their actions. Usually for dominance and control when in the wrong and seek to justify to retain superiority. And they don’t want to take accountability for their actions that are wrong or harm – not caring about the others feeling or they don’t want to deal with their inadequacies or guilt – so they will blame and project. They will have trouble in all their relationships – and may enter into mutually abusive ones.

Stay with your truth and keep bringing it back when they deflect. Then do what is kind and good for you – move away from such people for good. To those who value your feelings and respect you – those worthy or your energy and time with head held high.

They don’t want to, they need to. This technique is how they get to the point of controlling you…essentially making you second guess yourself, the more the gaslighting happens, the more you second guess yourself until you start doubting yourself and feeling like there’s something wrong with you because you seem to not be able to remember anything correctly…making it easier for them to subtly start controlling you without you even knowing it…making you lean on them even more because they are being so loving and supportive…and the more experienced the narcissist is, the quicker this process happens…and the quicker this process happens, the sooner they can begin to unmask and show their true selves…and believe me, you ‘ain’t’ seen nothin’ yet.

Successfully gaslighting you over and over and over again. You now have been blamed for absolutely everything for so long………it’s been so drilled into your head that it’s always your fault, that you now believe that it really is all your fault.

So now…he can put even more limits on you…while he gets to behave and do whatever the h#|| he wants to do…because even if he cheats…or doesn’t come home at night…or spends the bill money on junk…or loses/quits his job…damages property…backs you into a corner…calls you every name in the book and then some (even in front of small children)…yells in your face…

…IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT…

…and when all of that is engrained in your head long enough…you believe it…and you spend all of your time doing everything you possibly can to keep him happy, but knowing that you probably forgot something that will upset him…or you’ll ‘stupidly’ ask him a simple question like, ‘How was work, hunny?’ or, ‘Hey babe? Did you get the gas bill paid?’ and completely set him off…and just when things settle down for a while and you feel like things have gotten better…you get up the nerve to finally try to talk about the eggshells you’ve been walking on because you’re trying really hard, and you tell him how much you love him and how you know he loves you too, and he tells you he does love you and then goes into all of his self pity stories and he ends up in tears…and he apologizes for his angry outbursts (not a real apology, just enough of one to make you think he’s being sincere)…and 15 minutes later, he notices that you didnt get to the laundry that day, and he loses his sh¡t and starts throwing everything around, and the kids are crying and he won’t allow you to go console them.

…and you believe it’s all tour fault because had you just done the laundry, he wouldn’t be so angy right now and so now you’re apologizing for upsetting him by forgetting the laundry and you spend the rest of the week trying to make that up to him…not knowing that you’ll NEVER be good enough…not knowing that you’ve been brainwashed…not knowing that you have no idea what kind of person you’re really dealing with…

…and until you learn about narcissism and gaslighting, you’ll have no clue what’s happened to you. All you know is that you are not the same you that came into the relationship.

Why do they gaslight??? To make you feel crazy and confused, opening yourself up to their manipulation because you feel like you don’t even know which way is up anymore…literally.

What is the difference between love bombing and hoovering?

LOVEBOMBING:

  • Is done because the narcissist is infatuated with you.
  • Entails mirroring and future faking because the narcissist wants you to approve of them.
  • Means that the narcissists is pinning their hopes on you being the person that will make them happy forever.
  • Is the narcissist actually believing that you’re perfect and they will never leave you.
  • Is subconsciously done to gain supply from you, in the form of your devotion and adoration.

HOOVERING:

  • Is done because the narcissist is looking to use you for something.
  • Entails apologies they know they don’t mean and promises they know won’t keep because the narcisisst wants you to accept them back, so they can get whatever it is they want from you.
  • Means that the narcissist knows that you can’t make them happy, but they’re willing to endure you for whatever they’re looking to get from you.
  • Is the narcissist knowing that they hate you and that this return is but a temporary one, because they’ll leave you as soon as they feel they don’t need you anymore.
  • Is consciously done to gain some sort of benefit from you.

The two are nothing alike.

In the first scenario, you’re their saving grace.

And in the second you’re a reject that they have to make do with.

There’s a clear difference in treatment as well.

There will be no lovebombing once you accept the narcissist back after a hoover.

You’ll be sent straight to devaluation.

Which will be followed up with another discard.

How do narcissists “pick” their supply? Do they have emotional antennae that allow them to hone in on their prey?

There are certain people (I call them narcissist magnets) that are very attractive to narcissists.

Narcissists are attracted to distinct characteristics in a target.

Attractive: These people are physically attractive, successful, educated, wealthy, powerful, and/or connected.

They elevate a narcissist’s status, making the narcissist look better than they do on their own.

The narcissist tends to desire characteristics they don’t have in a partner. For an unattractive overt narcissist, this may mean marrying a trophy wife/husband. For a covert narcissist with an entry level job, it may mean marrying a doctor, CEO, or lawyer.

Compassion/Kindness: The narcissist seeks people with a big, beautiful heart.

They desire people who want to be sure everyone feels included and heard. Someone who sees the good in and wants the best for others. Someone who sympathizes with people who suffer challenges.

This person sees the world, and those in it, through rose-colored glasses.

Empathy: The narcissist seeks empathic people, those who feel what others are feeling as if it’s happening to them.

During the love bombing phase, the empathic target feels the hurt and emptiness beneath the mask, even though they don’t see it. They want to fill that emptiness with love.

Once devaluing begins, the empathic target feels the shame, fear, and worthlessness the narcissist projects at them. This is why it’s so easy for them to accept the projected thoughts, feelings, and actions as their own.

These characteristics are all gifts. They are outstanding attributes, in and of themselves.

Yes, these three characteristics are attractive to the narcissist. However, the rest depends on the target.

According to National Geographic Encyclopedia, “Magnetism is the force exerted by magnets when they attract or repel each other… To become magnetized, another strongly magnetic substance must enter the magnetic field of an existing magnet.”

In this case, our magnets are the narcissist and the target. They may attract or repel each other.

The narcissist-target duo only becomes magnetized (attracting each other) when you add one or more of the following.

Narcissistic parent or previous relationship: Those who have been groomed by a previous narcissist are magnetic to another.

The heavy lifting has already been done. You’ve already internalized the shame and worthless projected on you by the previous narcissist. It’s so much easier to sell it now.

You’ve been groomed in how to respond to devaluingpassive-aggressive putdowns, the silent treatment, the angry outbursts, the lack of self-responsibility. That behavior feels normal, familiar. Familiar attracts you to the narcissist. You have been magnetized.

Codependency: Codependency arises from your own history of trauma. That trauma has resulted in losing connection to yourself and instead attaching your sense of self to another person, a substance, even an object.

It’s also resulted in a great deal of internalized shame, which leads to seeking love and approval. Enter the narcissist’s love bomb – your magnet is not only magnetized, but also super-charged.

You’ve also learned to deny your feelings and needs. You attempt to control your feelings, avoiding feelings of anger or sadness. You avoid situations that are likely to evoke those emotions. You may control the behavior of others by people-pleasing.

You were taught to have dysfunctional boundaries because yours weren’t respected. Now you’re likely to accept blame that does not belong to you. Your self-criticism and self-blame make you the perfect partner.

What could be more attractive to a narcissist?

Fortunately you, the potential target, are in the driver’s seat.

You have no control over being attractive, compassionate, and empathic. Those are good things you wouldn’t want to change even if you could. They make you attractive to a narcissist, but a narcissist won’t be very attractive to you – especially if you’re aware of the tactics they use and recognize them for who they are.

You DIDN’T have control over being groomed by a narcissist previously or trauma that resulted in codependency. At that time, you didn’t see what was going on and didn’t have the skills or resources to choose otherwise. That is not your fault.

Now that you see it, however, you have the ability to change it, to heal your trauma, your shame, to connect to yourself again, to no longer be codependent. You can choose healthy relationships and create new patterns that become familiar. You can rewire your nervous system. And once you do, you will not find anything about a narcissist attractive. You will no longer be magnetized.

That’s powerful.

12 Ways How Sigma Males Expose EVIL People | Sigma Male Power

Evil people are ruthless and willing to do whatever it takes to get what they want, even if it means hurting or exploiting those around them. Evil people are experts at sniffing out the weaknesses of those around them and using them to their own advantage. Through a mix of conniving instincts and careful observation, over time they become masters of manipulation. Evil people rely on learning the social patterns and behaviours of others in order to be able to reliably get in their heads and exploit them. Sigma males, however, don’t fit into any of the traditional social behaviours that exploitative people use as the basis to manipulate people. Sigma males are rare and unique in their thought processes and actions, and in many ways can serve as a barometer for exposing evil people. Here’s the Bloke Box guide to the most important ways that sigma males expose the evil people that they come in to contact with…

How Narcissists Test Their Victims

How narcissists test their victims
Do you feel like you’re being tested by that narcissist in your life? If you’re wondering how narcissists figure out if you are a good source of supply and what they look for, this video will give you the answers. Watch this video to find out how to beat the narcissist and take back control by learning what traits they are look for in their victims, and how not to give them what they want.

🎓What you’ll learn in the webinar:
The 3 empowering secrets you need to take back control when communicating with narcissists.
​How to develop a winning, foolproof strategy to drive the outcome you want out of negotiations with narcissists.
How to be more powerful, persuasive and confident when negotiating with narcs.
What to say in negotiation and how to say it so that you can beat narcs at their own game!
How to anticipate what the narcissist will do and be two steps ahead of them at all times.

About Rebecca Zung:
✅Rebecca Zung is one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the nation, having been recognized by U.S. News & World Report as a “Best Lawyer in America”, as “Legal Elite” by Trend Magazine, and recognized by her peers and the judiciary as AV(c), preeminent rated in family law, the highest possible rating for an attorney by Martindale Hubbell.

✅But her journey wasn’t always easy. She got married at 19, had 3 children and divorced at the age of 23. She was a divorced single mom when she decided to go back to law school. She went from being a single mom, college dropout, to becoming one the most powerful lawyers in the country at the helm of a multi-million dollar practice. She is now committed to sharing her secrets and empowering others to live their lives at their optimum level of success, professionally and personally.

✅She is the author of the bestselling books, Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R.: The Sure Fire Method to Step Up and Win and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide for Achieving Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual Freedom, and is a sought after major media contributor.

✅She has been featured in Extra, Forbes, Huffington Post, Newsweek, Time, Dr. Drew, NPR Talk Radio, Good Day New York and CBS Los Angeles among others. She is the host of the popular show Negotiate Your Best Life™ which is available on YouTube and as a Top Podcast. She is also a frequent keynote speaker.

Narcissist’s Favorite Sayings

1) Excuse me/you’re interrupting: a way of distracting from the point you made.

2) Just because I didn’t do it how you wanted: make you feel guilty, turn it back on you

3) What about your issues? Let me avoid responsibility for my behavior.

4) I’m sorry, what more do you want from me: narcissistic pho apology.

I’m sorry I can’t be perfect, I’m sorry you feel that way -> turn the focus back on you.

5) You made me .. cheat, lose my job. It’s your fault.

6) You’re the only one who feels that way.

gaslight you, make you feel bad