When a narcissist can no longer control you, they seek to control the way others see you.

Let me give it to you straight.

When a narcissist can no longer control you, they seek to control the way others see you.

The narcissist is solely motivated by two things:

  • Obtaining narcissistic supply
  • Preserving their idealized self and made-up version of reality

You are someone who has the power to disrupt both of those things. You have the power to expose their true self and reveal the truth behind their made-up world.

The more you know, the more of their truth you’ve seen, the more dangerous you are.

You are a threat that must be neutralized.

At this point, the narcissist needs to destabilize, quiet, and discredit you as quickly as possible.

Turns out this is pretty simple. They have a legion of flying monkeys prepped and ready to jump to their aid.

What is a flying monkey?

Flying monkeys are people groomed by the narcissist to abuse the narcissist’s victims.

The narcissist has power and control over them. Flying monkeys believe whatever the narcissist says without discernment, meaning they have no interest in determining if it’s actually true. The flying monkeys go to extreme lengths to propagate this “truth,” and deliver your punishment.

Now you’d think these dangerous people would be obvious — dressed in black walking two steps behind them like their lackeys – but you’d be wrong. The narcissist’s flying monkeys are YOUR family, YOUR friends, YOUR co-workers, YOUR neighbors, in addition to their friends, family, and co-workers.

Until you see the truth, the dance between narcissist and flying monkeys is invisible to the victim. Together, they deliver the abuse.

The best part (for the narcissist) is, they can do all of this without you knowing. That’s how they destabilize you.

The narcissist has shared “in confidence” heinous, far-fetched allegations…

  • You never gave them a birthday gift for decades.
  • You stowed money offshore.
  • You stole money from the kids.
  • You had numerous affairs.
  • You were fired for misconduct.
  • You were abusive to them.
  • You neglected the kids.
  • You killed their pet.

I say “in confidence” because the narcissist uses this strategy to make the flying monkey feel special while hoping that the allegation is spread far and wide.

Mind you, despite the lack of any credible evidence, the flying monkey believes this allegation as if it were from God’s mouth. Because they worship the narcissist, in some ways it is.

After a period of time, often in the midst of a legal or other proceeding, you hear the allegation for the first time.

You are stunned — destabilized. Nothing about it is true.

Your mind is scrambling trying to figure out how anyone could think that, how you can defend yourself and prove it’s untrue, how you can figure out what in the hell is going on. You feel panic, overwhelm, desperation.

You’ve lost your support system. You’re alone, struggling to right yourself. Your focus has shifted entirely to defense – defense from these ridiculous allegations.

You’re so busy trying to defend your character, your good name, that you lose any offensive edge for outing the narcissist’s true self and true reality. You’ve been quieted.

Your defense of yourself, your evidence, your claims that numerous respected people, people that have known you for decades, are lying makes you look crazy. You’re discredited in the eyes of the court, the church, the community.

Threat neutralized.

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“Petty Tyrant” : This American Life

In Schenectady, New York, a school maintenance man named Steve Raucci works his way up the ranks for 30 years, until finally he’s in charge of the maintenance department. That’s when he starts messing with his employees. Teasing them at meetings. Punishing them with crummy work assignments. Or worse things, like secretly slashing their tires in the middle of the night.

Ten years after his arrest, Steve Raucci broke his silence and gave an interview to Paul Nelson at the Times Union in Albany.

Why’s it so hard to leave a narcissistic boyfriend/girlfriend?

Because your confused as fuck and don’t know what’s right or wrong any more.

This person can turn on the love but it comes with manipulation and lies. You will want to believe the relationship is how it was.

Read that again.

It will never be what it WAS. We live in denial just as much as they do.

You promise yourself you won’t put up with any more bullshit, but you always do. You will completely lose your shit more times than not then you look like the crazy one for the way you react.

You stay around trying to “fix” something that can’t be fucking fixed no matter how hard you try. The lies, betrayal, I love you’s, sex all has you trauma bonded as fuck and it feels like your life is ending if you aren’t with this person.

Lie to me, cheat on me, manipulate me, but PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME! I won’t react badly no more, please give me another chance!

Sick fucking shit. I know.

We beg the very person for another chance that has done the most horrible acts to us.

Shit can’t be explained or understood.

I often wonder if a mental institution is in my future.

They are so damn good at brushing all their wrong doings that started this shit storm in the beginning under the carpet. But they are so good at shedding light on how crazy our reactions are because they are “just trying to love us!”

Get with the picture moron!

We run around speaking our truth and they say it’s a smear campaign. I can see why they say that. But telling our truth isn’t smearing anything. Them telling people we are lunatics for reacting to their abuse is a smear campaign.

They have a story alright but leave all their abuse out of it.

I’d love her to tell the real story. How she led some 70 year old man on and me at the same time. Don’t you know you stupid fuck? “We are taking it slow!” That means I can have multiple side pieces. Even it’s your friends or someone old enough to be my dad. Pay attention!

So back the fuck off and stay in your lane, oh she loves to tell me to stay in my lane.

Breaking away from a toxic relationship is hands down the hardest thing mentally one could go through. That’s why so many stay in them. It’s sick ahit.

The pain of staying is less than leaving.

They say it’s worth it to do the work. Forget about the asshole. There is no shortage of idiots that will gladly fill our spots. You know, you’ve probably been replaced a number of times already.

Work on yourself and forget about them is what I’ve heard. Build your confidence, self-esteem and self-worth helps is what I heard.

“Use These THREE Secrets to OUTSMART The Narcissist” Lisa Romano

“Use these three secrets to outsmart a narcissist who wants to latch onto you and make you their prime source of narcissistic supply. In this Youtube video Lisa A Romano Life Coach, helps you better understand how to outsmart a narcissist so you can maintain your sanity, dignity and self-respect.

 

8 Key Phrases You Can Use to Shut Down a Narcissist https://youtu.be/HCA7gQrhyFw

10 Mind Games Narcissists Play They Hope You Won’t Figure Out https://youtu.be/Cpu4_IXuwFo

Do you think that a narcissist’s worst nightmare is an educated empath?

Picture waking up terrified – heart racing, panting, drenched in sweat. You were having a nightmare, but you don’t remember anything about it.

You know your subconscious is trying to tell you something, but you have no idea what.

This is a narcissist’s experience with an educated or awakened empath.

Look, most narcissists don’t consciously look for empaths. They may not even be familiar with the term.

That said, narcissists are drawn to empaths like a moth to a flame.

An empath who has not learned to understand and use their superpowers, their heightened sensitivity, their intuition, their empathy, is a phenomenal narcissist target.

Many empaths developed these attributes from childhood trauma. Likewise, many were taught…

  • To control and suppress emotions like anger and sadness
  • Setting and enforcing boundaries is not safe (and the boundaries will not be respected)
  • To deny their emotional needs
  • Love and safety are achieved through people-pleasing
  • Acceptance, approval, and validation are fleeting, yet required

They learned to keep out of trouble by sensing other’s emotions.

  • They learned to walk on eggshells to steer clear of another’s rage.
  • They learned how to soothe another’s fears and insecurities, learning that fear leads to anger.

They grew up with cognitive dissonance.

  • A mother asking for a hug, while her body screamed, “Don’t touch me!”
  • A father professing pride, while his body recoiled with sheer disgust.
  • A loved one agreeing to help with a friendly tone, while their body fumed with rage.

The empath grew up with a Dr Jeyll/Mr Hyde experience. They learned to see the good (Dr Jekyll) in everyone, because to acknowledge Mr Hyde as real would have been downright terrifying.

The empath grew up destabilized in a sea of gaslighting.

  • You’re so annoying.
  • Why can’t you be more like your brother?
  • How could you get this question wrong (and only get a 97%)? That’s a stupid error.
  • You’re just not pretty like your sister.
  • You’re not strong enough.
  • You’ll never make it. Who do you think you are?
  • You better give up that dream for a good-paying job.
  • You’re too sensitive.
  • You need to toughen up.
  • No one will ever love you.

The empath learned to accept blame and self-blame out of an extreme amount of internal shame. They learned to be hyper-responsible.

And, as a child who relied on these adults for food, shelter, survival, there was no recourse.

Many empaths pushed back, infuriated at the dissonance, the lies they were fed as truth. They were labeled as being difficult, crazy, or having anger issues.

Is it any wonder these empaths became emotionally dependent on others for self-worth, validation, attention, acceptance, even love?

They have been groomed to be a narcissist’s perfect partner – someone who sets aside their feelings and needs to put the needs of another first, who sees great potential in the darkest of people, who devalues themselves, who has something to prove to overcome profound shame and fear of not being good enough.

The empath will fall into a series of toxic relationships, shocked every time they slammed back into reality, like taking a 2×4 to the head.

Eventually, the empath will become educated about narcissists and other toxic people. They will learn to recognize projection, deflection, blameshifting, future faking, gaslighting, and more. They will recognize the rage lurking beneath the words.

They will become awakened to the truth of who they are and dive into the depths of their empathy, intuition, and heightened sensitivity. They will release the subconscious emotional dependence scripts. They will find and stand in their power.

Heaven help the narcissist who targets one of these awakened empaths.

  • They see through the narcissist’s façade.
  • They feel the narcisssist’s internal shame, fear, and rage.
  • They see the best in the narcissist, they see their humanity, but they are too wise to be drawn into the trap.
  • They call out the narcissist’s behaviors without fear of recourse.
  • They are indifferent when provoked.
  • They are clear, unable to be destabilized.
  • They recognize the narcissist’s tactics for what they are while the narcissist is none the wiser.
  • They are attuned to the narcissist’s fears and insecurities.
  • They feel the lie beneath the words.
  • They have the ability to choose whether or not they provide narcissistic supply.

The awakened empath wields a lot of power they will never use, but that power alone is the narcissist’s worst nightmare.

8 Tactics Narcissists Use To “Train” You To Comply

Being emotionally needy, narcissists want you to satisfy their cravings for significance. But instead of discussing their needs constructively, they use manipulative tactics to force you into their mold. Dr. Les Carter helps you spot their tactics so you can sidestep their efforts to “train” you to tend to their neuroticism.

The Range of Narcissism: Healthy to NPD (w/ Clinical Example) – FRANK YEOMANS

Frank Yeomans describes the spectrum of narcissism, from healthy all the way to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). He mentions the current epidemic of narcissism in young people who are isolating in their parents’ basements, unable to take on the challenges of life and “fantasizing about who they might be and not ever being anything.”

We talked with Frank Yeomans about Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

Frank Yeomans is an expert clinician who makes use of Transference-Focused Psychotherapy in his practice treating NPD and BPD. In fact, he co-wrote the manual on TFP for Borderline Personality Disorder!