Should I tell a narcissist that I know their games and who they are?
Realizing you are dealing with a narcissist, is like breaking the Enigma Code.
You now know their modus operandi, their plan of attack, their systematic game against you and others.
Should you reveal you have cracked the Enigma Code, that you are on to them?
My usual view is, no. Don’t let them know.
Instead, avoid them where you can, let them get away with small inconveniences against and, where it matters most to you, leverage all your knowledge and understanding against them.
So that any material attack against you, backfires tremendously on them.
They will not really process you are on to them, but will feel quite confused. They will see you as a danger zone, even though they do not understand why.
And they will not mess with you.
Check out my YT channel, where I talk about narcissism – Joe Inda House
This is the ONLY Way to Make a Narcissist Respect You//Do you want to know how to command respect from a narcissist so that you are no longer living in fear of them or paralyzed worried about they are going to say or do? There are a few secret tricks to getting narcissists to be the ones eating out of your hands instead of the other way around. In this video, I am sharing all of them including the one big one – the only one that will really have them giving you the props you deserve.
Hi, I’m Rebecca Zung, I am a narcissist negotiation expert. I’ve been recognized as one of the top 1% attorneys in the United States.
I’ve written a couple of best-selling books, “Negotiate Like You Matter” and “Breaking Free: A Step By Step Divorce Guide”.
I help people negotiate with narcissists in business settings, divorce settings, family law settings. I help you get out of those relationships with your dignity intact and with the outcome you want and deserve.
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Disclaimer: The commentary and opinions are for informational purposes only and not for the purpose of providing legal advice. You should contact an attorney in your state to obtain legal advice with respect to any particular issue or problem.
Theory of Mind develops at around the age of four years old. This is where we realise that we don’t know what other people know. It’s an important precursor to empathy, for to empathise, there has to be somebody else just like me. There has to be another mind.
Having retreated into fantasy well before this point, the narcissist thinks that there is only one mind – theirs.
Everyone knows what the narcissist thinks they should know, believes what the narcissist has assigned them to believe.
The narcissist is not interacting with people, they are playing with dolls.
However, the Toys are Revolting.
The narcissist has assigned you with a role, and a limited set of knowledge. Being a Bad Doll, you seem to know more than you should. But that’s not the game. You’re ruining the game. When you go back to knowing what you should know, you will become a Good Doll again (lack of Object Constancy).
I’m certainly not saying being a Good Doll will be a pleasant experience for you – it will not.
Using hatred as their tool the narcissist sets about making the world right. Gaslighting is one way of doing this. The narcissist is attempting to make you know only what you should know, only what you know in their fantasy version of you.
It is as though the narcissist has been playing with dolls, when suddenly one of the dolls says “no, I’m not a fireman, and I don’t want to go into that building! It’s dangerous! I’m a landscape Gardener and my name isn’t Bob, it’s Max!! And you set the building up to collapse on me! I saw you!”
The narcissist is enraged. You’re just a stupid toy! You will do what you are told! The building is going to fall on you, you’ll go to hospital and be crippled for life, that’s the game!
If you transition from perfect lover to evil villain, that’s the game!
If you go from evil villain to benign, though short term benefactor, that’s the game!
You don’t have characteristics of your own, you have whatever the narcissist assigns you for this particular game. The Narcissist decides the game, not you!
You’re a f*cking toy!
Thus the narcissist, with single pointed determination has learned a bunch of tricks, neurolinguistic programming to smash human minds back into the game that is being played. If the narcissist says something didn’t happen, that’s because in their mind you don’t know that it happened.
The narcissist knows what you know, but you are just a toy! You cannot fathom the unknowable God! You are not Good! You are Bad! Bad dolly! Naughty dolly!
Smack smack smack,
A narcissist would fear you if you were able to cause them a great amount of shame.
Despite what the no contacters say, this is not the ultimate way to hurt a narcissist. If you go no contact, they have many avenues to salvage their precious image – for starters they have already smeared you as worthless and crazy. If you however are able to dumpster their image in a very public way, this causes the narcissist incredible anguish.
You see, narcissism is a defence against shame.
At some point in the development of the narcissist, the young child decides that no matter what, they would never feel shame again, not for a minute, not for a second. They would do whatever they could, no matter the cost to themselves or others, to outsource their shame.
An impossible mission.
They do this by using all the procedures you’re very familiar with – gaslighting, silent treatments, word salads, rage, blame shifting and so on.
If you are able to break through the narcissist’s defences – to psychically tar and feather them, mark them as a pariah to all who know them, you will force them to feel shame for which they would have no defence. You are essentially pinning them down and pouring it all over them, like acid onto third degree burns.
By doing this, you have overwhelmed all their defences, there is no way they can explain to so many people at once whatever it is you have done to their image. The way they look at the narcissist has changed – gone is the adoration, the respect, the worship, it is replaced by disgust, repulsion, derision.
Here is where they lose it, become utterly insane and act in the most shameless ways possible.
They become, as esteemed Dr Vaknin has pointed out many, many times, Secondary Psychopaths.
This is what lurks underneath the mask of sanity, somebody totally crazy, deranged, a shameful lunatic.
Horribly embarrassing to be exposed for what they are, and if you have the power to do this to them, to utterly invert their grandiosity, of course they will fear you. No contact would only fell the most weakened, supply hungry of narcissists.
Shame is their kryptonite,