Are you being gaslighted at work?

 

Gaslighting at work? Too many times to count. People have stolen credit for my work and one even bragged to me about winning an award. For the work I did. Infuriating. Best to leave, I help people make their exit plan and find a new opportunity. Would love more videos like this Dr. Ramani, excellent work.

 

I went through hoop after hoop for what they promised.after I did everything they asked and more because they piled on the demands,they filled my position and said that I “did not fit the big picture” of who they were looking for.i wasted so much time and money on this job.they fired me and I am glad.i have a new job in a healthy environment.blessings and love to all of you

 

 

6 things narcissist enablers say to you

 

Narcissists exist in systems, supported by enablers.

 

The narcissist had a tough backstory (which excuses their behavior)

 

They didn’t mean it.  (How did the narcissist enablers know this) gaslighting

 

I didn’t have any problem with them.  (Dismissive Invalidation)

(They had a different relationship with them.  They are narcissistic themselves or good supply)

 

It will get better.  Just be patient.  (This is cruel because narcissists rarely change and the narcissist faces no consequences.)

 

It’s not that bad. (minimization, invalidation, gaslighting)

 

Stop complaining.  They work really hard.

(They’re a good provider)

 

“There are two sides to every story.” Not when it comes to abuse.

 

“just think how much stronger that made you”, which is BS. The abuse didn’t make me strong. It made me insecure, it made feel worthless, it made me devalue myself.
“Look at the bright side!” “Quit being negative!” I know now that these enablers were narcissists themselves, criticizing and constantly attacking me for “complaining” and being “negative” about the abuse. These were my parents who got angry, then pushed me to feel guilty and ashamed for speaking up about the abuse from my partner until I stopped. As I was leaving him, he panicked and held me for there for nine days until a friend noticed I was gone and called police. He did monstrous things. My own parents (still his enablers) didn’t want me to cooperate with the trial. They used words like, “Show gratitude that you survived”, “Don’t call attendance to yourself” “Move on” “Stop Dwelling” “Pull your bootstraps up”. I testified at trial. He’s still in prison. My parents have had me on silent treatment for this since 2009, my father passed in 2016 and they convinced other family to be flying monkeys. They didn’t even like this man, they just expected me to be perfect and pretend to have a perfect life and relationship.

 

“Let bygones be bygones.”
“You are misinterpreting the situation.”
“That’s not what they said to me.”
“You are over reacting again.”
Bottom line: I’m wrong; the narc was right and so is the enabler. I’m the bad guy.
You can’t control what she says to you, you can only control your reaction to it” = you must ignore everything
“Family is everything/Family first” = you must continually forgive and forget all the comments/inappropriate actions that a family member says, including denying what’s happening within our family and outside of it
“You aren’t an angel either.” Especially when highlighting reaction to abuse. When you were a child.
“Be the bigger person”. Translation: Shrink yourself to fit the narcissist’s agenda.
“Don’t put me in the middle of it.” When I tried to relate to them about the abuse happening right in front of their eyes. “That’s just how he is.”
My father (enabler) about my mother: “she just wants the best for you, it’s too much love that makes her do that (mean comments, controlling behavior, silent treatment). One day you will understand when you have your own children”. My oldest is 16 and I’m still wondering when I will understand her behavior. Thank you Dr Ramani for making things make sense for the first time in my life!

What is “baiting”? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)

 

  • One of the last things I told my Narc before we separated was, “the reason you are so cruel and mean to me is because when you look at me I am EVERYTHING you are not.”

 

  • Dr.often brings me to tears I feel like she is the only person who truly gets it. I’m gobsmacked by the accuracy of her descriptions.
  • I love how once you show you are fighting against baiting, narcissists will start trying anything to get a rise out of you.
  • My sympathies to any human being on this earth that has had or is having to deal with one of these insecure monsters. Learn everything there is to know about this personality disorder because if you don’t you will be destroyed. Learn to seek out your weaknesses and grow from them. Do your best to stay in a positive emotion no matter how much negative dark energy they throw at you.
  • One thing that a narcissist tell you when you’re beginning to analyze the situation is that ” you’re paranoid” or ” you’re crazy”
  • Her final act of baiting was close to the end of a 7 year relationship and was with her at the wheel of an automobile with me as a passenger on a busy Interstate freeway. I had already been Grey Rocking and not taking the bait and she was in need of a hit of supply. Her driving quickly became aggressive and dangerous. It scared the crap out of me and I knew she was trying to get me to react. As tough as it was I just kept my mouth shut knowing there was really no right or wrong choice I could make in this situation. After this wild ride I never put myself in such a dangerous situation with her again and left the relationship soon afterwards.
  • I caught that smirk on my parent narc many many years ago. It was almost like my narc was having an inner conversation congratulating herself for getting me upset. It was so blatant I just starred at her in disbelief and disgust. She came out of her self-congratulatory trance and saw the look on my face and suddenly went off on a tangent screaming that I thought I was better than her and how horrible I was. Truth is she was right, in that moment I realized how sick she was, and that none of it was my fault. That’s the first time I realized the sick game she was playing and that I needed to get out. Years later I stumbled upon stories of people with toxic narcissism and Dr. Ramani and finally connected the dots. What a relief to know I’m not alone and not a crazy loser!
  • “Once they’ve stepped away, once they’ve disappeared, the moment you’re alone, cry and yell it out. Just don’t let them see it. Don’t give them that satisfaction.” What Dr. Ramani said right there is so important. Took me almost 50 years to realize that the only time I saw my malignant family member narcissist thrown off guard and unsure of herself was when I appeared unfazed in the face of her narcissism. It is an empowering feelimg. She was able to control the narrative when I would get angry, or sad, or become frustrated, or desperate, or if I tried to get through to her. And narcissists definitely get pleasure and satisfaction out of that. But the first time my response was calm and I let everything roll off my back unbothered, I saw her lose her composure. It was amazing to see a pro in manipulation become almost flustered. When you do this the first time, it may be the most empowering feeling you’ll ever have. And it’s ok if you are caught off guard again because you will already know what to do. And you will get better and more comfortable at it. And like Dr. Ramani said, if you need to yell or cry and get it off your chest, because they probably will try to do something spiteful or trifling, just never let them see it affect you and it doesn’t matter how old you are. You can do it!
  • It helped to record the narc’s episodes and listen to them when getting soft and sucked back in the vicious cycle. The narc’s new friends (future victims) that didn’t believe me because they had not experience the sociopathic episodes yet, were shocked. Yes that smooth charming, well spoken person, can be the most emotionally and mentally abusive individual if you don’t let her be in full control.
  • Thank you! I just resigned from a committee because of this exact thing. One of the members was baiting and triangulating and as soon as I recognized what was going on, I understood that this was going to be the status quo and I walked. The bizarre thing was that it was all volunteer work and there was zero status to be gained. The power play accomplished nothing but making it impossible to do the work. It’s hard because you want to tell people they’re being played, but you know they won’t believe you. But I can protect me and refuse to participate.
  • I know this video is a year old, but listening to it I’m hearing his voice again all over again. Word-for-word you nailed it. Now nearly two years after I left the relationship, it still hurts to hear those same words. He took it all the way, and when I didn’t respond, he then ramped it up, flinging ridiculous accusations at me, causing me to refute his claims when he struck that nerve. That was his touchdown moment. Sometimes I feel no closer to healing than I did in the weeks that followed my exodus. Yet I have to remind myself, look how far I’ve come in moving on! Look what I did in 2 years, things I dared not do before! It’s a struggle, the gift that keeps on giving. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for getting me to this point! 💜
  • Following an argument with my narcissistic husband I was once ordered to visit a behavioural therapist on the grounds I was deranged, that I that had a ‘darkness’ in me and that I needed help.. I only went along with it to shut him up and get away for a while. I already knew I wasn’t the crazy one in the marriage. Anyway, following my description of him on an average day, the therapist asked me to invite him along for the next session lol. When I told my husband that the therapist would love to see him the following week and that there was nothing for him to be scared of, the sessions were cancelled and the subject of me being crazy / possessed was dropped 😂 (well, until his next meltdown happened).
  • When dealing with narcs, I find it useful to turn the tables. Instead of getting defensive, I remind them that they are bothered by an issue within themselves, not with me. They should fix that issue. Perhaps therapy? Watch them go nuts! Be calm. Tell them to calm down. Be woke and leave the conversation as soon as they attack you. You are not the problem-do not be the victim, either. Bullies like a victim- do not be one. Do NOT get defensive. My sister and mother love to start a big fight, then when I got riled up, I could watch them smiling. I would shut down to avoid this. I learned to approach them like crazy people and calmly smile, shake my head and ask them what drama they endured today. Again, they went nuts because they feed on chaos. It takes practice and training, but you can live with them if you have to. Don’t engage in defense.

 

  • My children’s father was a master at this. I became the crazy one who overreacted to his sick manipulative actions. Then he became the perfect parent who “never badmouthed” me and l the unreliable one. Frequently, such as having the children ask me if they could go skiing on the weekend they are to be with me then holding back child support so we were not able to financially do such activities. And of course l took the bait for soo long. It was actually his parents who came to my support. May they rest in peace. It’s taken me 45 years to just now understand this, thank you 🙏🏾

 

  • When I was with a narcissist woman I kept a journal and documented what was going on and detailing things. I did it to reassure myself that I wasn’t going nuts or imagining things. When I finally went to a therapist my journal was very valuable in helping me leave the relationships and recover more quickly. I highly recommended keeping a journal for all of you that are in a toxic relationship.
  • I literally burst into tears when I heard this. You nailed it to the “t.”

 

  • This reminds me of my mother, especially the part where she accused me of things I didn’t do. When I moved far away, she tried to bait me, mostly by going after my boyfriend (making wild accusations about him), I kept ignoring her. When I was younger her baiting would work on me, and then she would gaslight. “Look at you! You’re always so angry!”, then she would go into full denial mood when I pointed out how she had just been acting. She would suddenly be all calm and claim, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m not doing anything, you are. I’m just standing here.”

 

Two Police Officers pull over a Jeep falsely alleging the license plate light was out

I was actually surprised that the cops agreed to his request to get out of the car and check the light; particularly since the stop did appear to be pre-textual. More often than not, cops typically will refuse such a request “for their own safety,” of course.

 

A classic example of a cop fishing. So much for the 4th amendment and the oath the officers took to uphold the Constitution. Breaching the 4th amendment, especially in such a casual manner should mean being terminated from employment for both officers. How many times have you heard a cop say,’ignorance of the law is not a defense’. It should work both ways and corrupt government officials must be held to account
by The People.

 

Most people assume cop is being honest or is just to scared to question them. Love this guy checking ,we all know cops lie and bullshit to pull people over and then hemming them up . Love he recorded too ,if everyone did these little things that this guy did cops would maybe stop this shit .

 

I get that cops make mistakes, but the minute she pulled the car over and walked up on it, she could clearly see that there was nothing wrong.

 

I’m honestly shocked she agreed to let him check knowing she was lying, did she expect her partner to stall him or something?

 

She still ran your license after you indicated to both cops that the plate lamp was fine. This is not a mistake! This is phishing and harassment to try and get you on some other crime. The stop should have ended as soon as you showed the 2nd officer that the plate lamp was fine.

 

Never surrender your 4th amendment rights until you have verified the reason for the stop. Your plate lamp trick and the air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror are the cops favourite go to excuses.

 

A mistake may happen however, as a “professional” there is a certain level of due diligence which these cops MUST succeed.
If in fact this cop authentically believed the plate light was out, she had substantial opportunity after turning around, pulling the vehicle over and walking up to the vehicle before speaking with the occupants. This may have been a mistake at first but once “negligence” entered the picture, it is no longer a mistake. It became a “breach” of these people’s rights.

 

After confirming the light was not out, the cops should have said, Sorry, provided their information and left these people alone but the female cop proceeded to run the license of the driver. This was egregious at this point. This becomes contentious and causes me to believe the female cop was deceitful from the onset and even before pulling the vehicle over. My assumptions cause me to think that the female cop literally made it up when the driver asked why she was being pulled over.

 

Notice how the officer quickly went to run the ID after plate lamp was discovered to be working. Should have ended right there.

 

This is the reason states are looking to abolish the practice of traffic stops for petty crap like this. Oregon (I could be wrong) even went so far as to end the practice of “fishing” by police. They can only ask questions that pertain directly to the reason for the stop.

 

And that, sports fans, is what we call an illegal traffic stop to conduct a fishing expedition.

 

Glad you got out to check the light, who knows how far they would of taken this!!

 

Case law has clearly established and states that a traffic stop is over immediately once the reason for which they pulled you over is established as incorrect/an honest mistake unless during the stop they find something else that is illegal that they can further detain you…like a seatbelt violation or drugs in the open, etc.

 

What a “B” she knew damn well their light wasn’t out. They didn’t think the guy would get out and check it. They wanted to hem them up on something else.

 

“sometimes we accidentally violate your 4th amendment rights, it happens get over it” this is why cops have lost their credibility and respect.

 

i’d like to give the cop the benefit of the doubt since she quickly owned up to her ‘mistake’ about the light, but with her probing the driver “why is he angry? is everything OK?” makes the whole stop seem like a fishing expedition.

 

Cop: “it happens sometimes. People make mistakes and we definitely were not targeting you. But mistakes happen all the time and sometimes those mistakes are intentional but it happens. No big deal”

 

“i apologize. i was mistaken.” but, she still took your information and ran you for wants and warrants, AFTER you caught her in the lie. cops like this not only deserve complaints in their files, but also deserve to be put on the brady list.

 

This is “dragnet” style policing, and they don’t care how many people’s rights are violated in the process. This is what you get when the police are desperate to account for their massive budgets, but have not the capability to prevent crime or actually keep people safe.

 

How are you a cop if you can’t see that the light was working while driving behind them and then even worse when walking toward the car.

 

It’s a tactic they use, talk to the wife when husband not nearby, and speak in a “concerned” manner to the woman. In all the auditor vids I’ve seen with wife/gf in the situation, cops always fish more aggressively with the woman.

 

Know you know we feel as black people, this shit happens all day, months, and years!!! We can’t even get out to check until they tell us too!! Only in America 🇺🇸

 

The driver asks the passenger why does he think this is happening if the plate lamp is not out but she’s the one who trusts the police, go figure.

 

All occupants should be on the same page. Notice how cops almost always take the same position; follow the tone set by one considered ‘in charge’… We should be like that too. Having one person stand up and one have a passive, go along to get along attitude is often very destructive as far as police encounters go.

 

Classic argument when an officer gets push back “why is he so angry?”  Trying to make it seem like this guy is wrong for wanting proof before they get ticketed for something

 

Need to get Body Cams for this BS

 

I think every time they pull someone over in “error” they should pay a set fee out of their own pockets!

 

I got pulled over 20 years ago in Compton, California for having my front view mirror obstructed by a pair of dogs tags. Here’s the funny part… I was driving a lifted full size Ford Bronco with tinted window in the back. The cops pulled me over followed for over two miles… Explain to me, how the F$&k could they see what was hanging in my lifted truck 🤔 They couldn’t… and they just used that as an excuse to search my truck and feed off my ignorance. Give it that I was only 19 years old at the time. I now wish a Mofo would try to pull that BS now! 😡

 

Wow…..that was thee MOST heart-felt apology I’ve ever heard….”It happens”…..

 

Surprised they let him out look at the light. Most time when people ask they told no stay in car you can check after the stop is over.

 

I have had this happen a couple times , always late at night . Looking for DUI people on the road . That cop chick was lying her ass off . What is funny is apparently in her world lying is justified .

 

If she was behind them and thought she made a mistake that’s okay it happens,
But as soon as she walked up to the car she would have noticed it. The passenger and the cop’s partner were standing behind the car and both agreed it was on. The lady cop should have walked up to the window and said, sorry for the mistake I thought you plate light was out, now that I got up to your car I see it is working. Sorry again and have a nice evening. The fact that she walked up to while passing the plate and still asked for the drivers info, just proves that cop is dishonest.

 

So she wants everyone to believe that she didn’t know that the light was working fine although she walked right by it?

 

Bruh this is so perfect. One person completely trust the police. Totally respects the police and they are pulled for no reason. Even when the officer walks up to the car she can see the plate light is on. She should say hey my bad the plate light is on I couldn’t see it from my car. You are free to go. Instead they violate your rights and identify you with no cause. Lol. I will be filing a complaint which will do absolutely nothing. It felt good to say I’m sure

 

Once they saw the deputy was lying they should remain silent and not answer their questions. This was a BS stop to try and get a reason to search your car.

 

Ehh, it’s good they called them out. However the whole point was to run her license. At the time they recognized that the light was working fine it then became an illegal stop and she should have never surrendered her license. But at least she’s following up with a complaint.

 

Obviously a fishing expedition by the police. If the cops thought that her tag light was out, it would have been obvious to the cops that it was working as soon as they got out of their car and approached the vehicle. The stop should have ended there with an apology from the officer.. So then the cop started asking intrusive questions that insinuated that there might be some sort of domestic violence in progress. Very deceptive.. And the police wonder why the growing public has become increasingly negative towards the police.

 

This couple should FOIA dash cam and body cam footage of this incident. I’d give anything to hear the two officers’ conversation prior to and after the stop. This was clearly a pre-textual stop and it’s quite possible they would have discussed carrying it out prior to effecting it. And if they had any insight at all, they would know just how badly they had f***ed up, and that a complaint was incoming and they’d likely want to discuss ways to effect sme damage control. Depending on what’s there there could quite possibly be fruitful grounds for a civil rights law suit too. Kudos to the couple for putting these cops firmly in place.

 

As you see the metamorphosis of a citizen distrusting police.

 

Same thing happen to me .But the cop would not let me out of the drivers seat so i asked can my wife check .The cop went to his car and said it was a mistake. I left after shaking my head at him and said to bad your fish did not bite. We also had him on camera.

 

It’s funny to me that people still don’t understand that the police are not your friends

 

See how she intentionally lights the flashlight in to the camera when she sees that she is being recorded.

 

biggest potential victims would be the dogs that would be put down and taken away for a lie from a tyrant. they wonder why they are actually hated. with the full extent of the word.

 

I wish all this existed back In the 90s and 2000s. So many times I got pulled over illegally and searched. Also passengers getting id for no reason. Now I know my rights

 

Meanwhile if she realized she pulled her over in error she should have just let her go but she just wanted to run her license so bad

 

“You have a plate lamp out” Although we can clearly read/scan your plate w/o lighting, we’re gonna need to steal both your time and money anyway. I continue to have no sadness in my heart when blue liners die.

 

Its 1:45am and she lied as pretext to pull you over, assuming you may be drunk. These kinds of traffic violations should not be subject to police enforcement. Make people get a yearly vehicle inspection and stop pulling people over for these types of things that often lead to worse outcomes.

 

Classic pretextual stop. She got busted and decided it would be a bad idea to do her usual fishing expedition. Not everyone is gonna get out to check if she’s telling the truth. My guess is that department has an illegal quota system.

 

copsplaining: ‘I would never pull you over for no reason.”
reality: I pull people over for made up reasons every day.

These types of stops infuriate me. I’ve had similar but only realized it later due to seeing the same lie here on YouTube.

I am shocked they allowed him to exit vehicle. Next time they will say no for “their safety”

She shouldn’t have taken her license further than the Jeep when she saw that the light was not out. This is plainly a stop and ID for warrants….

Just another fishing expedition for another corrupt police department… Thanks for honoring your oath !

They still got their I.D. fix. That’ll get them thru another half an hour maybe until they have to harass someone else. When an active warrant comes up, it justifies all the lying in their minds.

Back the BLUE till it happens to YOU.
Another citizen lost.

Lady Cop: why did you still run her name if there was no crime?
Man Cop: why didn’t you tell the lady cop to stop if there wasn’t a crime?

I live in my an they pull this shit all the time. I’m shocked they let you go look. But the moment they seen the light works the stop is over an you must be released. But they didn’t want on a fishing trip.

always film the police!!!!!

All these cops do try to do is give you extra traffic citations. She made a mistake and she apologized. Again a BS charge.

How do I expose a gaslighter and prove I’m not crazy?

Sometimes there are reasons why we need to remain with the gaslighter. This can be true even if we are self confident and very aware of the abuse.

My gaslighter has been in my adult life for 37 years. I remain in a marriage with him for financial reasons. He is unable to genuinely empathize with me; in fact, the only (very few) people he “empathizes” with are people who agree with him (oh, how little they truly know him!).

My husband is entirely self-centered. He is a control freak. He is mentally and emotionally ill. He refuses treatment on the basis that “God will heal” him of any issues he has. His “God” is one who agrees with him, and who excuses (forgives, loves) him – regardless of what he does.

The problem is that in his 72 years on earth, God has not yet healed him.

The best way to diffuse a gaslighter is to completely – no matter how tempting – avoid exposing your feelings and emotions to him ( or her). As soon as you do you have become the match that lights their fire.

When you are with your pet gaslighter keep the conversation light. Keep it superficial. Bring up an article you’ve read that your gaslighter finds interesting. For my husband and I baseball is a safe topic. Discussing the inventory we have to run our business is an excellent subject for us to discuss.

Talk about the weather.

Don’t be a victim, don’t think of yourself as a victim, because the moment you do your gaslighter is in control. If your gaslighter must be in your life always keep in your mind that s/he is a pathetic person who lives in their tiny, fragile self-created world of (they believe) safety. S/he is a mentally and emotionally disturbed person.

Perhaps most important is this: Have your own network of support. Whatever that means to you, as long as your support people are healthy and care about you, keep them in your life.

Build up your own self-worth. Focus on your own emotional health and well-being as you accept that you cannot change that sicko gaslighter – and never will.

Don’t waste your precious time with trying to figure that person out; whenever you are tempted to do so, ask yourself how you can become a stronger person.

You cannot “expose” a gaslighter. You absolutely cannot prove to the gaslighter that you’re not crazy. You can beat them at their own sick, pitiful, weak little game by knowing, deep inside, that you are not “crazy”.

You can refuse to allow your gaslighter to control you be refusing to be the human fuel they need to keep their pathetic fire burning.

Believe

Gaslighting defined

Gaslighting happens when an abuser tries to control a victim by twisting their sense of reality. An example of gaslighting would be a partner doing something abusive and then denying it happened. Gaslighters may also convince their victims that they’re mentally unfit or too sensitive

 

  1. manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.

Is it normal for cops to gaslight?

It’s part of the game of interview & interrogation. If you just take someone’s statement at face value you are not doing your job as a law enforcement officer and investigator. Hopefully by questioning a person’s statement you will get the truth and send the right person to trial.

Gaslighting occurs for The sole purpose of harassment and no other reason. A police interview serves a purpose.

(both are done to achieve power and control over others)

What are some gaslighting phrases?

When you express your feelings to someone who did you wrong;

  • I am sorry you feel that way (demeaning, devaluing feelings and presuming a superior position in projecting blame onto you)
  • You have that wrong
  • That didn’t happen (attempting to make you doubt your reality)
  • You are overreacting
  • You are too sensitive (devaluing your feelings)
  • The latest one ‘it is better to be kind than to be right’. Twisting the meaning to suit; to attempt to make out you are the unkind one when calling out what they did wrong and/or were disrespectful of you. This is to make you doubt yourself (you were the unkind one) and attempt to rob you of your reality (gaslighting in action) – and when saying it to others, it is a character assassination (malice). In reality calling out disrespect and moving away from it is the kind and right thing to do for ourselves – always.
  • You will never find anyone else (went on to find my soulmate once I got rid of him. They see your strength and try and bring you down to make it your reality).
  • You have issues (demeaning and taking the superior position in the attempts to deflect from their wrong doing to make you doubt yourself, your reality of what they did wrong to you.)
  • There is something wrong with you (projecting)
  • You are crazy
  • You are weird
  • Oh isn’t she nasty or unsociable etc (when you move away from them respectfully – in comes the character assassination gossip).

Laugh it off and keep bringing the focus back onto what happened – the truth. As gaslighting is a means of deflecting from the reality of what they did to you. Stand in your truth – unmoved and do not buy into what they say. I zone out as soon as I here any of the above – one ear out the other. It is more likely to upset those with low self esteem and confidence. Build yours up and stand your ground and then they can’t touch you. Moving onto to those who are worth your time, focus and energy – those who respect and value you (including your feelings).

People who gaslight do so for various reasons. They are insecure people who cannot take responsibility for their actions. Usually for dominance and control when in the wrong and seek to justify to retain superiority. And they don’t want to take accountability for their actions that are wrong or harm – not caring about the others feeling or they don’t want to deal with their inadequacies or guilt – so they will blame and project. They will have trouble in all their relationships – and may enter into mutually abusive ones.

Stay with your truth and keep bringing it back when they deflect. Then do what is kind and good for you – move away from such people for good. To those who value your feelings and respect you – those worthy or your energy and time with head held high.

Police Allowed to Gaslight, but not officially

If I remember correctly, all police departments allow their sworn officers to “gaslight”, but they need special permission. Some do not allow the officers to wear their uniform while working a part-time security job. That makes sense because, if a gaslighting officer takes police action, and they are wearing their police department uniform, the municipality the officer works for may be responsible for any errors the officer commits. That makes the municipality liable to a lawsuit; and that’s not a good thing.

When you express your feelings to someone who did you wrong;

  • I am sorry you feel that way (demeaning, devaluing feelings and presuming a superior position in projecting blame onto you)
  • You have that wrong
  • That didn’t happen (attempting to make you doubt your reality)
  • You are overreacting
  • You are too sensitive (devaluing your feelings)
  • The latest one ‘it is better to be kind than to be right’. Twisting the meaning to suit; to attempt to make out you are the unkind one when calling out what they did wrong and/or were disrespectful of you. This is to make you doubt yourself (you were the unkind one) and attempt to rob you of your reality (gaslighting in action) – and when saying it to others, it is a character assassination (malice). In reality calling out disrespect and moving away from it is the kind and right thing to do for ourselves – always.
  • You will never find anyone else (went on to find my soulmate once I got rid of him. They see your strength and try and bring you down to make it your reality).
  • You have issues (demeaning and taking the superior position in the attempts to deflect from their wrong doing to make you doubt yourself, your reality of what they did wrong to you.)
  • There is something wrong with you (projecting)
  • You are crazy
  • You are weird
  • Oh isn’t she nasty or unsociable etc (when you move away from them respectfully – in comes the character assassination gossip).

Laugh it off and keep bringing the focus back onto what happened – the truth. As gaslighting is a means of deflecting from the reality of what they did to you. Stand in your truth – unmoved and do not buy into what they say. I zone out as soon as I here any of the above – one ear out the other. It is more likely to upset those with low self esteem and confidence. Build yours up and stand your ground and then they can’t touch you. Moving onto to those who are worth your time, focus and energy – those who respect and value you (including your feelings).

People who gaslight do so for various reasons. They are insecure people who cannot take responsibility for their actions. Usually for dominance and control when in the wrong and seek to justify to retain superiority. And they don’t want to take accountability for their actions that are wrong or harm – not caring about the others feeling or they don’t want to deal with their inadequacies or guilt – so they will blame and project. They will have trouble in all their relationships – and may enter into mutually abusive ones.

Stay with your truth and keep bringing it back when they deflect. Then do what is kind and good for you – move away from such people for good. To those who value your feelings and respect you – those worthy or your energy and time with head held high.

They don’t want to, they need to. This technique is how they get to the point of controlling you…essentially making you second guess yourself, the more the gaslighting happens, the more you second guess yourself until you start doubting yourself and feeling like there’s something wrong with you because you seem to not be able to remember anything correctly…making it easier for them to subtly start controlling you without you even knowing it…making you lean on them even more because they are being so loving and supportive…and the more experienced the narcissist is, the quicker this process happens…and the quicker this process happens, the sooner they can begin to unmask and show their true selves…and believe me, you ‘ain’t’ seen nothin’ yet.

Successfully gaslighting you over and over and over again. You now have been blamed for absolutely everything for so long………it’s been so drilled into your head that it’s always your fault, that you now believe that it really is all your fault.

So now…he can put even more limits on you…while he gets to behave and do whatever the h#|| he wants to do…because even if he cheats…or doesn’t come home at night…or spends the bill money on junk…or loses/quits his job…damages property…backs you into a corner…calls you every name in the book and then some (even in front of small children)…yells in your face…

…IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT…

…and when all of that is engrained in your head long enough…you believe it…and you spend all of your time doing everything you possibly can to keep him happy, but knowing that you probably forgot something that will upset him…or you’ll ‘stupidly’ ask him a simple question like, ‘How was work, hunny?’ or, ‘Hey babe? Did you get the gas bill paid?’ and completely set him off…and just when things settle down for a while and you feel like things have gotten better…you get up the nerve to finally try to talk about the eggshells you’ve been walking on because you’re trying really hard, and you tell him how much you love him and how you know he loves you too, and he tells you he does love you and then goes into all of his self pity stories and he ends up in tears…and he apologizes for his angry outbursts (not a real apology, just enough of one to make you think he’s being sincere)…and 15 minutes later, he notices that you didnt get to the laundry that day, and he loses his sh¡t and starts throwing everything around, and the kids are crying and he won’t allow you to go console them.

…and you believe it’s all tour fault because had you just done the laundry, he wouldn’t be so angy right now and so now you’re apologizing for upsetting him by forgetting the laundry and you spend the rest of the week trying to make that up to him…not knowing that you’ll NEVER be good enough…not knowing that you’ve been brainwashed…not knowing that you have no idea what kind of person you’re really dealing with…

…and until you learn about narcissism and gaslighting, you’ll have no clue what’s happened to you. All you know is that you are not the same you that came into the relationship.

Why do they gaslight??? To make you feel crazy and confused, opening yourself up to their manipulation because you feel like you don’t even know which way is up anymore…literally.

Narcissist’s Favorite Sayings

1) Excuse me/you’re interrupting: a way of distracting from the point you made.

2) Just because I didn’t do it how you wanted: make you feel guilty, turn it back on you

3) What about your issues? Let me avoid responsibility for my behavior.

4) I’m sorry, what more do you want from me: narcissistic pho apology.

I’m sorry I can’t be perfect, I’m sorry you feel that way -> turn the focus back on you.

5) You made me .. cheat, lose my job. It’s your fault.

6) You’re the only one who feels that way.

gaslight you, make you feel bad