I found this to be very easy to achieve. The first thing to avoid is revenge. All that does is make one appear to be the “bad guy”, and it also makes it extremely easy for the narcissist to point fingers, prove you wrong, and gain support from others.
Another thing I did, other than to simply avoid all of the narcissists in my life, is to ignore them, regardless of what they say and do, which includes ignoring their very obvious and blatant smear campaigns. By being silent and ignoring their “trashing” of you, you make them look bad. It may take a while at first, but over time most people with at least half a brain will be able to see who the main antagonist really is.
The only other thing I did that really gets under the skin of narcissists with whom I have ever had the displeasure of knowing was to be myself. And by this I mean to be successful, and when you can’t be successful then at least try to be. Be loving (which also means being friendly to all), giving, caring, accepting (and when you can’t be accepting then at least be tolerant), intelligent, to spend time learning (i.e. become knowledgeable), generous…and above all, NEVER let what a narcissist says or does bring you down. That’s how they get their supply…you don’t want to feed that.
A narcissist is pretty well incapable of achieving any of these things; hence, the reason they try so hard to bring people who can do these things down to their level. If you can do all of these things while eliminating a narc from your life they will see (out of the corner of their eye) what you’ve become, and they will be perpetually squirming with envy and hatred of you. This “hatred” of you will be seen by others, and eventually people will also see just how ugly they truly look. This is how you demoralise a narcissist. They will see just how futile their attempts to bring you down were. What goes around, comes around…karma is a bitch that way :-).
In this YouTube Video on the 20 key Phrases you can use to shut down and disarm a narcissist, I break down these key phrases into four categories. You can use these key phrases to shut a narcissist down, and to help you keep them on track as you try to negotiate with the narcissist. These phrases have been designed to help YOU gain the mental, emotional, cognitive and spiritual distance you need in order to NOT be manipulated by a narcissist.
0:00 Intro to 20 Key Phrases
8:50 Key Phrases to Avoid Conversations Going Down the Rabbit Hole
18:04 Key Phrases to Stay on Point
29:52 Key Questions to Short Circuit a Narcissist’s ability to manipulate you further
44:48 Key Phrases to Disarm a Narcissistic Mother/Father/Parent
20 Key phrases begin at 8:20
8 Key Phrases You Can Use to Shut Down a Narcissist
10 Mind Games Narcissists Play They Hope You Won’t Figure Out
“That never happened.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“It was just a joke.”
Gaslighting. It’s a term you’ve probably heard before, but the signs can be confusing. In this video, Dr. Ramani Durvasula and MedCircle host Kyle Kittleson discuss…
What is gaslighting?
What does gaslighting behavior look like?
Why do narcissists gaslight / what is the goal of a narcissist when they gaslight?
What are the 3 signs someone is gaslighting?
What is deflection?
What impact does this type of emotional manipulation have on someone’s mental health?
What should someone do if they are experiencing this type of narcissistic abuse?
What SHOULDN’T someone do when they are experiencing gaslighting?
Why don’t narcissists like getting caught?
What is the #1 surefire sign that you are being gaslighted?
In this video, I explain the very complicated and dangerous undertaking of protecting yourself when you uncover/unmask a covert narcissist and the dysfunctional relationship they trick you into. Because of their manipulative nature and the fact that they are often respected and even adored by others, taking them on directly is big mistake.
Ross Rosenberg’s latest book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap (2018) and his personal development, seminar, workshop and other services can be found at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com or www.HumanMagnetSyndrome.com.
Ross Rosenberg’s work on codependency, narcissism, trauma, Self-Love Recovery™, and his “Codependency Cure™” has earned him international recognition. He owns Clinical Care Consultants, a multi-location Chicago suburb counseling center, and the Self-Love Recovery Institute. He has traveled to 30 states and twice to Europe to present his workshops. Ross’s first book, “The Human Magnet Syndrome” sold over 100K copies and is published in 10 languages. His latest Human Magnet Syndrome book, a complete re-write of the first, is available on February 1st. Ross’s 13 million video views/175,000 subscribers YouTube platform has established him as global phenomenon.
Narcissists play all sorts of mind games hoping they will be able to lure you in by gaining your trust. Once they gain your trust, they go to work executing all sorts of narcissistic mind games. The mind games of a narcissist are created to keep you feeling off-balance, insecure, and worrying about your state of mind. The more mind games a narcissist can play, the better they are at keeping you in the narcissistic abuse cycle. Although there are many different mind games narcissist play, in this video I address 10 mind games they play. They play mind games to fake you out, remain the boss inside the relationship, and work diligently at manipulating you to believe you are responsible for just about everything and anything. Narcissists play mind games so they can avoid intimacy, feeling vulnerable and maintain control over their victims. Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional abuse. Narcissists use mind games as a form of covert abuse. Covert narcissists are difficult to spot but if you know the mind games they play, it can help you save your time, money, heart, and life from unnecessary narcissistic abuse.
- Fake Out: Empathy to get close to you. Then use confidence against you
- One Up: Must always maintain superiority. If you’re up, they must bring you down
- It wasn’t me. It doesn’t matter what lie you catch them in, they never accept accountability.
- Do you smell smoke: (Gas lighting) You have to know yourself whether you suffer from low self-esteem and are vulnerable. Saying things that aren’t true to get a reaction out of you.
- If you feel like you should be recording conversations to play them back to prove your side, that’s a warning sign
- They are remembering everything about you, probing your wounds, but often not sharing (honestly) about themselves.
- Pay attention if they redirect the conversation on you.
- I’m the boss around here: work to keep anger under wraps. May have ill will towards you. Do not want to meet you in the middle.
- need to show you who the boss is. If they sense loss of power or being held accountable which they can’t do because they associate that with vulnerability which they associate with weakness
- little red riding hood: wolf in sheep’s clothing. Inconsistency: Vegan, but kick the dog
- Rico Swave, Feme Fatale
- nothing makes sense: goal is to keep you insecure. Hot and Cold
- if you feel off balance
- do i feel seen, safe. Do they meet half way. Do they have a history of cheating.