A man from Los Angeles has become aware of both anger and narcissistic tendencies along the path, which surprised him. He asks how to integrate shadow work when these aspects come up. Rupert suggests he notice the impulse, but not identify with the anger or the narcissism, because what he truly is, is neither angry nor narcissistic.
This clip has been taken from Rupert’s Seven Day Retreat at Home in August 2020.
Okay. Once again, it is time to set the record straight. Narcissists do not read people, they “read emotions.”
Why else do you think they keep poking and prodding to get an emotional reaction from others? Narcissists thrive on emotional reactions of others because it gives them that temporary rush, a high, of an illusionary sense of superiority. They think, ironically, that if they can get an emotional reaction out of you, that they somehow have control over you.
They are sadly mistaken. Remember, narcissists always underestimate their target. Why? Because they cannot read people as humans and they cannot read minds. The fact no one can read minds irritates narcissists to no end and is precisely why they are NOSEY little creatures. Narcissists have to be all up in your beezwax.
See, the devil cannot read minds. The devil can only read emotions because he feeds on them. The devil is using narcissists as human vessels, and that is why the narcissists need to feed on emotions. They are adrenaline junkies. Yep. Narcissists are hooked on norepinephrine, NE, (aka adrenaline).
Narcissists can read emotions because they are familiar with them yet have no desire to regulate them. We all experience the same emotions. The difference between narcissists and non-narcissists is that non-narcissists know how to self-regulate. And we are not addicted to NE.
No one can read “people.” We can observe behavioral patterns and predict based on history, but thats it. No one can read minds, except God the Father. Narcissists operate based on their emotions so they know whatever stirred up something in them will likely stir something up in someone else because of biology.
Think about the obsession with everything that involves an “emotional” element. Why do you think that exists? It is because the devil only feels alive when people are acting and thinking based on emotions. Narcissists only feel alive when they can create an emotional reaction in someone else.
I found this to be very easy to achieve. The first thing to avoid is revenge. All that does is make one appear to be the “bad guy”, and it also makes it extremely easy for the narcissist to point fingers, prove you wrong, and gain support from others.
Another thing I did, other than to simply avoid all of the narcissists in my life, is to ignore them, regardless of what they say and do, which includes ignoring their very obvious and blatant smear campaigns. By being silent and ignoring their “trashing” of you, you make them look bad. It may take a while at first, but over time most people with at least half a brain will be able to see who the main antagonist really is.
The only other thing I did that really gets under the skin of narcissists with whom I have ever had the displeasure of knowing was to be myself. And by this I mean to be successful, and when you can’t be successful then at least try to be. Be loving (which also means being friendly to all), giving, caring, accepting (and when you can’t be accepting then at least be tolerant), intelligent, to spend time learning (i.e. become knowledgeable), generous…and above all, NEVER let what a narcissist says or does bring you down. That’s how they get their supply…you don’t want to feed that.
A narcissist is pretty well incapable of achieving any of these things; hence, the reason they try so hard to bring people who can do these things down to their level. If you can do all of these things while eliminating a narc from your life they will see (out of the corner of their eye) what you’ve become, and they will be perpetually squirming with envy and hatred of you. This “hatred” of you will be seen by others, and eventually people will also see just how ugly they truly look. This is how you demoralise a narcissist. They will see just how futile their attempts to bring you down were. What goes around, comes around…karma is a bitch that way :-).
In this YouTube Video on the 20 key Phrases you can use to shut down and disarm a narcissist, I break down these key phrases into four categories. You can use these key phrases to shut a narcissist down, and to help you keep them on track as you try to negotiate with the narcissist. These phrases have been designed to help YOU gain the mental, emotional, cognitive and spiritual distance you need in order to NOT be manipulated by a narcissist.
0:00 Intro to 20 Key Phrases
8:50 Key Phrases to Avoid Conversations Going Down the Rabbit Hole
18:04 Key Phrases to Stay on Point
29:52 Key Questions to Short Circuit a Narcissist’s ability to manipulate you further
44:48 Key Phrases to Disarm a Narcissistic Mother/Father/Parent
20 Key phrases begin at 8:20
8 Key Phrases You Can Use to Shut Down a Narcissist
10 Mind Games Narcissists Play They Hope You Won’t Figure Out
“That never happened.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“It was just a joke.”
Gaslighting. It’s a term you’ve probably heard before, but the signs can be confusing. In this video, Dr. Ramani Durvasula and MedCircle host Kyle Kittleson discuss…
What is gaslighting?
What does gaslighting behavior look like?
Why do narcissists gaslight / what is the goal of a narcissist when they gaslight?
What are the 3 signs someone is gaslighting?
What is deflection?
What impact does this type of emotional manipulation have on someone’s mental health?
What should someone do if they are experiencing this type of narcissistic abuse?
What SHOULDN’T someone do when they are experiencing gaslighting?
Why don’t narcissists like getting caught?
What is the #1 surefire sign that you are being gaslighted?
In this video, I explain the very complicated and dangerous undertaking of protecting yourself when you uncover/unmask a covert narcissist and the dysfunctional relationship they trick you into. Because of their manipulative nature and the fact that they are often respected and even adored by others, taking them on directly is big mistake.
Ross Rosenberg’s latest book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap (2018) and his personal development, seminar, workshop and other services can be found at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com or www.HumanMagnetSyndrome.com.
Ross Rosenberg’s work on codependency, narcissism, trauma, Self-Love Recovery™, and his “Codependency Cure™” has earned him international recognition. He owns Clinical Care Consultants, a multi-location Chicago suburb counseling center, and the Self-Love Recovery Institute. He has traveled to 30 states and twice to Europe to present his workshops. Ross’s first book, “The Human Magnet Syndrome” sold over 100K copies and is published in 10 languages. His latest Human Magnet Syndrome book, a complete re-write of the first, is available on February 1st. Ross’s 13 million video views/175,000 subscribers YouTube platform has established him as global phenomenon.