44:03
now with with language there’s also
44:06
things to look at in language just a lot
44:08
of times it has to do with paying
44:09
attention so if I say to you Lisa you
44:11
know what time did you get home last
44:12
night and you say to me well you know I
44:14
usually get home around 6:00 did you
44:17
answer the question but you’d be
44:19
surprised how many people will let that
44:21
go and they will move on I didn’t ask
44:23
you what time you usually get home I
44:25
asked you what time did you get home
44:26
last night because people are trying to
44:28
avoid lying directly is that why they do
44:30
it yeah snips through the cracks it does
44:33
well look people we all know it’s wrong
44:35
to lie so we don’t like lying so the
44:37
most popular way we lie is through
44:39
omission we will leave something out we
44:43
will be vague in our language and so we
44:45
really want to listen to the language
44:46
are people answering your question when
44:50
you ask a question do they respond back
44:51
with a question who me
44:53
are you talking to me it could be a
44:55
stalling tactic yes it’s me there’s
44:57
nobody else in the room it’s just you
44:58
and I who else would be asking you and
45:00
to listening to the language that people
45:02
use also another indicator is usually
45:06
when we speak we’ll say I I feel this
45:09
way I this I went here I that III what
45:13
you’ll tend to see in verbal language is
45:15
somebody who doesn’t use I it means that
45:18
there’s a lack of commitment that
45:20
they’re telling you something but
45:21
they’re not committed to it so think of
45:22
the sentence if I say to you miss you
45:25
love you can’t wait to see you okay I
45:28
miss you I love you I can’t wait to see
45:32
you there’s more of a commitment on that
45:34
latter one so you can possibly assume
45:37
again assumption but the first person
45:39
really doesn’t miss you all that much
45:40
really doesn’t love you all that much
45:42
doesn’t care whether they see you and so
45:45
there’s so many clues and the things we
45:47
say then also how we say them you know
45:50
do people speak with conviction are they
45:51
vague so when it comes to deception
45:54
people who lie are typically vague
45:56
because when you’re lying there’s so
45:58
much more you have to remember there
46:00
won’t be as detailed Wow yes that was
46:07
far ago and everything is in the book
46:10
that they can find everything is so much
46:12
stuff but it’s all great stuff and it’s
46:14
all it’s all the little things like
46:16
there’s no gimmick there’s no like here
46:18
just do these three steps you will know
46:20
it’s it’s really understanding people
46:23
studying human behavior look I’m
46:25
fascinated by people and everyone’s
46:27
unique and everybody’s different and so
46:29
you want to learn people understand
46:30
people and the more curious you are
46:32
about people the more you’ll be able to
46:35
read them and think what matters is to
46:37
this person why would they lie to me
46:40
well what would there be there what
46:43
would be their incentive their motive
46:45
and that’s where empathy comes in using
46:48
empathy to understand somebody else’s
46:50
perspective see the world not through
46:51
your eyes through their eyes and even
46:54
something simple as when I would do
46:55
interviews with people I would sit in
46:58
the chair the person I would be
47:00
interviewing and would sit because I
47:02
wanted to see what does it feel like to
47:03
sit in this chair where are they looking
47:05
what are they staring at is their window
47:08
is their clock are they distracted by
47:10
something what does it feel like so talk
47:13
to people not the way you want to be
47:15
spoken to but the way they want to be
47:18
spoken to a way that resonates with
47:19
and how do you do that by talking less
47:22
and listening more because they will
47:23
give you clues and insight to who they
47:27
are mmm
47:29
God that was fire that was amazing
47:32
and I think I know the answer to this
47:34
question because I think you just
47:35
answered it but what is your superpower
47:37
gosh my superpower I feel a lot you fail
47:45
a lot yeah
47:46
failure is my superpower the more I fail
47:50
the more resilient I become and the less
47:53
afraid I am of it
47:54
failure is my superpower I love that and
47:57
where can people find you in your new
47:58
book and you show that you’re on and
48:00
everything that you’re doing
48:01
so spy games is every Monday night on
48:03
Bravo it’s 10:00 p.m. Eastern and
48:06
Pacific and then 9 p.m. Central and then
48:09
my book is be called becoming
48:10
bulletproof and honestly like all the
48:12
stuff we talked about it’s in there and
48:14
I just took everything that I learned
48:16
that I was privileged to be in the white
48:18
house to be around these extraordinary
48:19
people to go through all this training
48:21
and my mindset was how do I help people
48:23
how do I serve people I don’t want to
48:26
write a book about me I wanted to write
48:27
a book that people could take and use in
48:29
their everyday lives because all that
48:31
stuff I use today with everything in
48:34
relationships
48:35
it was so vulnerable and there’s so many
48:38
things that go on around us like how do
48:40
we protect ourselves not just physically
48:41
but mentally different people you know
48:44
even people that don’t mean to harm us
48:46
harmless and so how do you how do you
48:50
navigate that world so it’s becoming
48:52
bulletproof you can get it on Amazon it
48:54
comes out in April and so I’m really
48:56
excited about that because again like I
48:58
just I want it to help people and I
49:00
really think that’s a book that really
49:02
can amazing and where can people follow
49:04
you Oh common spelling Greek name hat
49:06
Febby pauperis so a tvy pauperis and
49:10
then p oh um pou re s amazing we’ll put
49:13
all the links in the show notes as well
49:15
guys guys I have been waiting for this
49:17
episode and dying to get this woman on
49:19
for god knows how long and so I am a
49:22
giddy child right now I’m so freaking
49:23
excited that she was able to sit here
49:25
and give all those words of wisdom go
49:27
buy her book go follow her if you’re not
49:29
following me follow me at Lisa Billy and
49:31
if you’re not subscribe to this channel
49:32
guys and you do
49:33
I feel like this is bringing you value
49:34
please please do click that subscribe
49:36
button down there and until next time be
49:39
the hero of your own life
49:44
I have suffered from serious health
49:46
issues for close to four years now and
49:49
when I say I’ve tried everything well I
49:51
pretty much have I’ve been to countless
49:54
doctors read more books on health and
49:56
you can possibly imagine take an advice
49:58
change my diet change my lifestyle
50:00
change my workouts all in an effort to
50:03
help me get stronger get healthier and
50:05
as a result show up in my business and
50:07
my relationships with Han but I’m gonna
50:09
be real with you guys the biggest thing
50:11
I did was take ownership take ownership
50:15
over my own health because the truth is
50:17
no one cares more about your health in
50:19
you and so I started to track my own
50:21
results I started looking at how much
50:23
sleep I got and the correlation between
50:25
that and my mood and productivity enters
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whoop it literally tracks all things
50:31
sleep from my sleep so I cause stages
50:34
disturbances and efficiencies and based
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on how strenuous my day is we can
50:39
actually suggest when I should sleep so
50:42
my body gets the rest I need I also
50:45
started to track my workouts with whoop
50:47
to see if I was pushing myself too much
50:49
and as a result suffering from burnout
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it has a built in feature that allows me
50:54
to track calories burn my heart rate and
50:56
what zone my heart rate is in in real
50:59
time and once I started to do that it
51:02
literally changed everything I was
51:05
finally able to improve my work
51:07
performance and to be honest more
51:10
importantly I’m just so much happier and
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let’s face it isn’t really what we all
51:14
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51:40
of your own life
51:43
what up guys Lisa here thanks so much
51:45
for watching this episode and if you
51:47
haven’t already subscribed keep that
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of your own life
Sarah Cooper: Mansplaining
Jason and Sarah mansplain mansplaining. — Written by Sarah Cooper and Jason Kyle
The Real Reason Biden Is Ahead of Trump? He’s a Man
It’s a lot easier to run a cautious, inoffensive campaign when you’re not up against a culture of misogyny.
A narrative has formed around the presidential race: Donald Trump is losing because he’s botched the current crisis. Americans are desperate for competence and compassion. He’s offered narcissism and division — and he’s paying the political price.
For progressives, it’s a satisfying story line, in which Americans finally see Mr. Trump for the inept charlatan he truly is. But it’s at best half-true. The administration’s mismanagement of the coronavirus and the Black Lives Matter protests only partially explain why the president is trailing badly in the polls. There’s another, more disquieting, explanation: He is running against a man.
The evidence that Mr. Trump’s electoral woes stem as much from the gender of his opponent as from his own failures begins with his net approval rating: the percent of Americans who view him favorably minus the percent who view him unfavorably. Right now, that figure stands at -15 points. That makes Mr. Trump less popular than he was this spring. But he’s still more popular than he was throughout the 2016 campaign. Yet he won.
What has changed radically over the past four years isn’t Americans’ perception of Mr. Trump. It’s their perception of his opponent. According to Real Clear Politics’s polling average, Joe Biden’s net approval rating is about -1 point. At this point in the 2016 campaign, Hillary Clinton’s net approval rating was -17 points. For much of the 2016 general election, Mr. Trump faced a Democratic nominee who was also deeply unpopular. Today, he enjoys no such luck.
Why was Mrs. Clinton so much more unpopular than Mr. Biden is now? There’s good reason to believe that gender plays a key role. For starters, Mrs. Clinton wasn’t just far less popular than Mr. Biden. She was far less popular than every male Democratic nominee since at least 1992. Neither Bill Clinton, Al Gore, John Kerry nor Barack Obama faced overwhelming public disapproval throughout their general election campaigns. Hillary Clinton did.
A major driver of the public’s extreme dislike of Mrs. Clinton was its perception of her as duplicitous. In a poll taken just days before the 2016 election, Americans deemed her even less truthful than Mr. Trump. By contrast, in a Pew Research Center poll late last month, Americans rated Mr. Biden as more honest than Mr. Trump by 12 points.
According to fact checkers, these public perceptions are wildly incorrect. PolitiFact, a project of the nonprofit Poynter Institute, rates the veracity of politicians’ assertions. According to its calculations, which are based on hundreds of individual statements, Mrs. Clinton isn’t only far more honest than Mr. Trump. She’s also more honest than Mr. Biden.
Why don’t voters see it that way? Research on how gender shapes political perception suggests an answer. For a 2010 study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, two Yale researchers, Tyler Okimoto and Victoria Brescoll, asked participants their opinions of two fictional candidates, one male and one female, who were described as possessing “a strong will to power.” Attributing ambition to the male candidate didn’t hurt his appeal. But upon learning that the female candidate was ambitious, many participants responded with “feelings of moral outrage.” This “moral outrage” helps explain why Americans believed Mrs. Clinton was so much more dishonest than she actually was.
Critics might counter that Politifact’s data notwithstanding, what provoked the public’s opprobrium was not Mrs. Clinton’s gender but the scandals that surrounded her long political career. As a former first lady, she was asked to answer for her husband’s indiscretions in a way other female candidates might not have been. She also spent the 2016 campaign on the defensive for having used a private email server for her official business as secretary of state — a controversy that James Comey reignited by revealing new evidence in the F.B.I.’s investigation just days before the election. For all these reasons, observers might claim that Mrs. Clinton is a special case.
But the same “moral outrage” that plagued her four years ago also plagued this year’s most prominent female presidential contender: Elizabeth Warren. If Mrs. Clinton is far less popular than Mr. Biden, her fellow centrist insider, Ms. Warren has proved far less popular than Bernie Sanders, her fellow progressive insurgent. The data is striking. Most polls show that a majority of Americans disapprove of the gentlewoman from Massachusetts. By contrast, most Americans approve of the gentleman from Vermont, usually by double digits.
Voters also consider Mr. Sanders more honest than Ms. Warren, even though, according to PolitiFact, he’s not. Mr. Trump’s decision to assign both Mrs. Clinton (“crooked”) and Ms. Warren (“Pocahontas”) nicknames that connote deceit reflects his own misogyny. But it also reflects his instinctive understanding that when you call female candidates unscrupulous, the slur is more likely to stick. (In recent days, Trump has begun referring to Biden as “corrupt Joe.” For bulk of the campaign, however, he merely dubbed him “sleepy,” while labelling Sanders “crazy.”)
It’s worth remembering that the next time you hear Mr. Biden praised for running a cautious, inoffensive and largely mistake-free campaign. Given Mr. Trump’s epic blunders, inoffensiveness may be enough to propel the former vice president to the White House. But it’s a lot easier to be inoffensive when you’re a man.