(Bear in mind that my answer is based partially on theory and partially on experience so it may not look 100% like other answers as it also includes my personal experiences.)
INFJs are people-oriented. Yes, they are introverts and yes, many of them are extremely shy, but one thing that sets INFJs apart from INTJs is their need for social harmony. This comes from their auxiliary function, Fe (extroverted feeling), meaning that they tend to value the feelings of others and are often very socially astute. They know what is acceptable in a social situation without needing to think about it and naturally prioritise the needs of the group as a whole.
In contrast, INTJs’ auxiliary function is Te (extroverted thinking). This means that they judge how to respond to a situation via logical deduction. INTJs value efficiency and often get the reputation of being ‘cold’ as they do not mind sacrificing someone’s feelings to get the job done, and done well. One misconception is that INTJs are inapt when it comes to socialising. For me, I am highly introverted and need time completely alone without strong external distractions to re-charge. However, I can be pleasant and indeed talkative among others. The only issues for me are that I quickly drain energy whilst socialising and end up feeling unhappy, and that I have to consciously think about what I am saying and how it could affect the others in the group- this ability just doesn’t come naturally to me.
INFJs tend to idealise. They want to see people as good, however this can lead to disappointment or sadness when they start to see the numerous negative qualities of their fellows.
On the other hand, INTJs tend to be cynics. They see people in a much harsher light and are more ready to believe in their flaws than their INFJ counterparts.
Finally, INFJs are usually more open than INTJs. They do not mind talking about their feelings and seek to appease those around them. They can even feel guilt for focussing on their own emotions if they are around people who suppress theirs, and feel a need to reach out to these people and talk to them (whether that need is acted on or, more likely, not).
INTJs are masters at bottling up their emotions. They don’t want to talk about them and don’t want to think about them. If an INTJ is going through a hard time, they will likely keep this information to themselves. (INFJs tend to do this also, but more for the fact that they do not want to burden others with their problems, rather than they feel inable to do so.) This can lead to those close to the INTJ being worried about their increasing quietness, or alternatively their loud outbursts, whilst feeling helpless to do anything about it.
Please note that I have only talked about the more observable, ‘concrete’ differences between INFJs and INTJs to answer the question more appropriately and to avoid confusion. There are also many other differences between the two types, but I didn’t want my answer to go on any longer than it already is haha.
Thanks for taking the time to read this all, if you got this far, and I hope this helped!
1.2K viewsView 51 upvotesView shares
Are INTJs drawn to INFJs?
INFJs are my favorite people (both female and male).
The attraction is like opposite poles of a magnet. We both see the big picture, and can both see below the surface due to being the only two Ni-doms, which are quite rare. This allows the discussion to go into great depth on a variety of topics. The INFJ is the only type with whom I completely lose track of time.
As an INTJ, I mostly only see (and am interested in) the abstract systems, while the INFJ sees how people fit into these abstract systems. Together, we can see the whole picture. During discussions on issues, I present the most rational solution, and they contribute the “people” aspect of the system, and together we can can synthesize the optimum solution based on the full picture.
The INTJ’s Te-Fi complements the INFJ’s Fe-Ti very well. Fe allows the INFJ to understand the INTJ at a deep level, so the INFJ doesn’t get intimidated by the INTJ. The INTJ’s Fi ensures a strict moral code is being followed, and this satisfies the INFJ’s Fe. I think Fe ensures compassion matters in the construction of the idea, something I might otherwise forget.
The INTJ is happy to have a capable partner in the conversation who sees the world in a similar way but through a different lens. Fe draws out the INTJ, and Ti provides the INFJ a way to keep up and to come up with questions and ideas to keep the INTJ’s Te interested and challenged.
A shared Se function allows us to enjoy similar activities too, which is very helpful since it helps lubricate the relationship.
I like INFJs a lot. The part that I wouldn’t adopt is any kind of idealism, for myself. But I can watch them without resistance. It’s fun. INTJ.
7
Karan MehtaYeah, especially when that idealism reaches self-destructive levels.
My contribution to the relationship is to occasionally inject logic into the proceedings in order to help protect the INFJ from their self-sacrificing nature.
7
Andrea AlvarezYou put into words what I’ve been for quite sometime trying to process. This is so scary and accurate. I met an amazing guy through tinder, I’m an INFJ and he is INTJ and since the moment we started chatting something just clicked in so many levels and like I’ve never felt before. We would talk for
… (more)
3
Karan MehtaThat’s a great story (and really believable, I know), and I’m sad that it didn’t work out. :/
But at least now you a bit more about yourself and what you’re looking for. 🙂1
Henri BaggsterThe only problem with the shared SE function is when you both get drunk
4
Sharon SperryAs an INTJ with a good friend who is an INFJ, I find it one of my closest relationships. We know each other at a deep level. That deep knowledge allows us to both protect each other’s vulnerabilities and effectively and lovingly point out corrections that need to be made. My INFJ friend knows things about me I would never share with other, so-called, good friends. I trust my INFJ friend absolutely.
… (more)
1
Sam MatthewsDo you think INTJs get intimidated by the INFJ though since they have Fi rather than Fe, and thus can’t understand the INFJ on a deep level?
Karan MehtaIt’s really hard to intimidate an INTJ.
INFJs are among the least threatening/intimidating types out there, precisely because of Fe. Fe makes the situation comfortable for the other person, and that’s why the INFJ is called “The Therapist”.
The INTJ can understand the INFJ better than any other type in my opinion. Ni is a very unusual function, so we can talk philosophically—express complex ideas in few words, and build off each other. Being Ni-dom allows us to connect the dots in each other’s ideas.
Furthermore, Te-Fi is great to help the INFJ better understand themselves using Fe-Ti. Te-Fi helps the INTJ point out character traits in the INFJ that are presented in a palatable way. INTJ’s Fi is greatly respected, and the logical Te presents the idea in a way that is accepted by their Ti.
The INTJ can help the INFJ look at a situation in a dispassionate manner, which is helpful the INFJ is overwhelmed by emotions.
… (more)
4
Sam MatthewsAlso, I think the INTJ understands many, if not the majority/all other types better than any other type due to the fact that they have the highest conscientiousness of any type on average and due to their tendency to think objectively to a greater degree than most if not all other types.
Tobias NorheimI (an INTJ) have never been friends with an INFJ, but what’s really interesting is that I can detect an INFJ girl who I’m attracted to in an instant. I read somewhere that humans can decide in a matter of a split second wether they are attracted to someone or not, so I think it’s that. It has just been a feeling that I basically know this person is an INFJ, and then later I have analyzed them only to find out it was true.
Just When You Think You’re a Mastermind, An INFJ Walks in and Figures you out in 30 Seconds
INTJs, so cocky, so mysterious, so aloof, so …”no body gets me” …… then meets an INFJ who figures them out in mins.😔🙇♂️