Are INTJs difficult to read, understand and get along with? Why?

Understanding and communicating with an INTJ is only as easy as the depth and knowledge you hold as a person; when it comes to logic and rationality. You can only know to understand his/her methodology of thinking and train-of-thought if your intuition can keep up with theirs.

Think of yourself as a person who knows how to play chess. You play for fun, occasionally at parties. You know how the pieces move — Pawns can move 2-squares forward if it’s their first move, the Knights move in an ‘L’ shape and ‘jump’ over pieces. You know the rules. You know that you need to checkmate the king in order to win.

So here you are as a person who knows how to play chess and one day, you come across someone and play against him. You get thrashed.

This guy isn’t some ordinary guy — he’s a Grandmaster. Wait, he’s no ordinary Grandmaster, he’s Hikaru Nakamura!

Bewildered and awe-struck at how he blitzed you over the board and moved his pieces without even thinking, you ask him; “Are you this strong because you can actually read my mind or see the future?”

He chuckles and says; “No actually. Though I wish I could. Here — I’ll teach you how I beat you.

Now, whatever this guy says, you can’t even understand the jargon he’s spewing from his mouth.

He says things like “Rule-of-the-Square”, Opposition, Zugzwang, Zwichenzug (what in the hell is this, is this German?) and all sorts of confusing terminologies as to how he beat you.

And. You. Don’t. Understand. A. Single. Thing. He. Said.

He doesn’t make any intelligible sense and you think he’s swindling you. You convince yourself that he has some sort of mind powers.

To understand something on a different level, there are always some basics you need to learn and grow to understand.

You can’t explain imaginary numbers to a 1st grader. The poor boy just only begun addition/subtraction.

You also can’t explain cyclops lesion (localized anterior arthrofibrosis) and it’s complications to some kid who barely understands anatomy.

Likewise, you can’t explain positional middlegame techniques to someone who barely understands how the pieces move.

And an INTJ can’t explain his/her thought-process to somebody who doesn’t come to understand it in the first place.

INTJs are difficult to read, understand, and get along with — because there are too few INTJs out there for people to come to learn of and understand them.

INTJs are unintelligible to the norm because they don’t explain A, the B, then, C, then D, then E, so on and so forth.

They explain A, then, E, then Q, then Z.

Because what is obvious to them, they immediately assume is obvious to others too (which is why they greatly underestimate themselves at a young age and overestimate others).

People come to read and understand things only within their comprehension by using binaries (comparison) and applying what they know.

And sadly, an INTJ falls out of their textbook.

The only way to read, understand, and get along with INTJs is to first sort out some relevant basic knowledge and facts before you can begin to theorize, conceptualize, understand, then apply exactly what the INTJ is saying.

It’s because INTJs often fall out of someone’s communication range. That’s what makes things a little hard to grasp.

How romantic are INTJs?

I answered this somewhere else quite awhile back, but I’ll share my experience.

INTJ’s are not conventionally romantic like we see in Hallmark movies or on Valentine’s Day. Quite the opposite actually.

What comes across as romantic to me, is their total devotion to understanding their chosen one by studying them with an almost obsessive intensity. They want to know every aspect of you in the deepest, broadest, most accurate way possible. Part of this is because they want to understand and please you, and the other part is because they don’t like surprises and need to feel secure before they let you into their rich inner world. They absolutely will not show their soft underbelly to just anyone.

No other type goes to the lengths I have seen an INTJ go to, in order to bring you into their world.

Their whole being is authentically romantic if you define romance the way I have experienced it. Keep your Hallmark cards and obligatory flowers on Valentine’s Day. I’ll take the exquisiteness of an INTJ’s version of romance any day of the year. They don’t do obligatory. They act when they feel it, and if they feel it, it’s deep.