You can’t.

The hard exterior exists for a reason, particularly because of a very soft, delicate interior.

INTJs basically have exoskeletons — an exoskeleton is needed to protect whatever is inside.

Softening that hard exterior is just doing a disservice to them.

Because deep down, INTJs are very soft, gentle, vunerable people who’d make them the easiest to harm in the most possible ways.

And this shell of theirs are just means to protect them from predators.

Instead, open up to them and show them you are not a threat. Be vunerable and spread lovingkindness.

Prove to them that you are not a threat and ensure them safety and solace.

You can earn their trust by simply letting down your entire guard and reaching out to them.

And when they have surveyed enough of you, you’d see them let their guard down and invite you into a warm embrace.

The issue here isn’t that INTJs don’t know how to trust.

It’s who to trust.

And what gave them their idea to wall up is because they’ve been betrayed somewhere along their lives.

So don’t ask them or try to get them to soften their exterior.

Get them to open up instead.

And doing so requires you to open up to them yourself.