But here’s the kicker (or paradox). In that same study, Paulhus found that after the first meeting, narcissists were rated as more agreeable, conscientious, open, competence, entertaining, and well adjusted by the other members of the group.
.. Not all facets of narcissism were equally predictive of popularity. In fact, the Leadership/Authority facet was almost completely unrelated with first impressions. They found that the facet that most strongly predicted popularity was the Exploitativeness/Entitlement facet.
.. “being admired by others is like a drug for narcissists.”
the narcissistic paradox, is the narcissts’ tendency to simultaneously devalue others while at the same time needing the admiration of others. As Morf & Rhodewalt (2001) put it, as narcissists
“yearn and reach for self-affirmation, they destroy the very relationships on which they are dependent.”
Back and colleagues note that narcissists can ‘solve’ the paradox by only relying on positive feedback from those with zero acquaintance whom they do not have to value.
.. blogging is a terrific arena for narcissists, if not the best arena imaginable. Narcissistic bloggers can get a constant stream of admiration fromcomplete strangers in the form of comments after each blog post. The blogger doesn’t have to value the commentator or form a relationship with the commentator. In fact, the commentator is helping to feed the narcisstic blogger’s addiction for instant admiration.
.. We tend to be attracted to people who possess the four qualities (flashy and neat dress, charming facial expression, self-assured body movements, and humorous verbal expression) that narcissists tend to (initially) possess.
Success Can Breed the Narcissism of “Tall Man Syndrome”
For starters, all of them had confidence that seemed sky high.
They exuded enthusiasm about whatever they were doing—great financial deals, athletic successes, winning marathons. Their excitement about their in fact legitimate accomplishments could dwarf the normal energies of everyday folk quite easily, so I could see how they felt more important than others in their family or friendship circle.
.. When I looked at the narcissists’ their track records for monogamy I saw more disasters. They seemed to think that the rules for normal mortals didn’t apply to them.
.. Fortunately, in spite of the declarations in many internet articles that narcissists do not change in therapy, once these men, and their female equivalents, are motivated to grow up, many turn out to make great therapy clients. Narcissists generally like doing things well. They are used to being good, preferably the best, at what they do, so when they see that there’s a way to become a better husband and even a better person, some decide to take on the challenge.
The Noonday Demon by Andrew Solomon
When I’m not depressed, I draw strength and beauty from depression
.. I have found community in depression. The people who speak publicly about mental illness tend to end up at the same symposia, and many have become friends – my depression pals. You’d be surprised how much fun they are. I met one of my funniest and smartest friends when we were keynote speakers at a depression conference in St. Louis. I have a jovial bond with my psychopharmacologist and his husband.
.. It’s astonishing to feel so loved by people who understand so well, and still to feel so isolated by depression from time to time; the loneliness it carries seems impervious to kindness.
.. In this book, I talk about being grateful to my depression, and I remain grateful so long as it stays historical, but I hate its resurgence, and the unyielding possibility of resurgence.
Not all psychopaths are criminals – some psychopathic traits are actually linked to success
Each man gave a videotaped speech about his personal flaws. Raine and his colleagues found that the men they considered successful psychopaths displayed significantly greater heart rate increases, suggesting an increase in social anxiety. These men also performed better on a task requiring them to modulate their impulses.
The bottom line: having a modicum of social anxiety and impulse control may explain why some psychopathic people manage to stay out of trouble.