What is an INTJ male like when in pursuit (dating, courting) as opposed to after the pursuit is over (once he is married)?

Good partners are few and far between for INTJs it seems, they would likely try to make their relationships last.

However I expect you’re not going to find the INTJ man is the type to shower you with superficial and “official” sorts of affection at designated moments, he isn’t the type to go overboard on Valentine’s Day (such a successful commercial grift as Valentine’s Day probably makes him feel slightly disgusted if he’s following it like a sheep), or to feel like engagement and marriage is that big of a deal (remember, he’s an introvert, he doesn’t desire attention-seeking or to go through social motions garnering attention and expectation). He would probably be the type to marry late with a partner he’s been with for a long time, and to make it a private event.

He’s not going to play “the game” as much as the average man, he’s going to play his own version of the game which usually involves mutual respect and mutual boundaries, absolute loyalty and trust. It’s not going to be a “fun” game to him, it’s serious business. Typically he will be the same all the way through between the dating and the marriage phase. INTJs tend to be very consistent people. You’re not going to see love bombs or extravagant declarations of devotion in the beginning, nor is it that likely you see him bugger off later for affairs with random people if he got “bored” after 20 yrs. He’s going to be himself I expect, the whole time, and you’ll have to love him for who he really is, not a pretence, or there’s just no point.

When is an INTJ not open?

These are some circumstances for an INTJ I can think of;

(I know the tone sounds a little instigative, please don’t take it that way.)

  1. You’re simply not my type. I can tell we won’t be able to clique well, so I won’t even bother trying. I don’t know the full reason yet but my intuition is telling me so.
  2. You’re too close-minded. There is no way I can talk to you, so I won’t even bother trying.
  3. You’re basically an a**hole so again, nope.
  4. You’re boring. Next.
  5. You’re too superficial for my taste.
  6. You’re morally bankrupt.
  7. I feel unsafe around you.
  8. I feel manipulated.
  9. You have a tendency of attracting danger.
  10. I don’t see us in a long-term friendship/relationship. If I can’t invest in you, I don’t see a point continuing.
  11. I’m in a crisis, I can’t deal with you now. I have to attend to my problems (and solve them independently, on my own).
  12. I don’t want you to fall through the cracks of my problems.
  13. I secretly have a crush on you, so I don’t want to pass off as a creep and chase you away, in case I pour out my emotions about you too much.
  14. I was betrayed recently. I need time to recuperate.
  15. I was betrayed. I don’t know how to trust anymore.
  16. You haven’t earned my trust yet.
  17. I don’t know anything about you yet.
  18. You’re either a parrot or a lemming. I don’t deal with conformists.
  19. Circumstances don’t allow us to be friends, so we’ll just have to move on.
  20. You aren’t capable of understanding/empathizing with me, so why bother?
  21. You’re emitting a rather bad aura. There’s something about you I can’t quite put my finger on, but my intuition is telling me to avoid you.
  22. I know this is just being selfish, but you’ll have to open up to me first. That’s the easiest way I know I can trust you.

That’s all I can think of. There are probably 101 reasons more that an INTJ won’t open up.

Edit: Maybe writing in 1st person wasn’t such a good idea. I’ve given readers the impression that I specifically think like this. Bad idea. :/ If only people knew how to read this objectively.