Onion: Jerry Sandusky: I’ll Never Forget All The Things Joe Paterno Did For Me

“When I think of how much of my life I owe to Joe Paterno, I don’t even know where to begin,” said Sandusky, who confessed to feeling “overcome” while attending the former football coach’s funeral. “I think it’s safe to say I wouldn’t have been able to lead the life I’ve led, wouldn’t have grown into the man I’ve become, if it hadn’t been for his leadership. I can’t even begin to imagine what would have become of me if not for Joe Paterno.”