The question’s premise is a little inaccurate; INFJs and INTJs do fit in society, just not in very conventional ways and from normal positions.
INFJs and INTJs however, struggle to fit into most social circles.
The two main factors here are interlaced in nature and correspond:
- Memetics or Meme Theory.
- Frequency and Population of said social circles.
- Survivability and Self-preservance.
By-and-large, Ni-dominants don’t typically fit in certain social circles because they don’t follow memetics strongly.
In essence, according to Richard Dawkins, Memes are essentially ideas akin to Darwin’s theory of evolution about cultural information transfer instead of genes — how it propogates successfully, but isn’t necessarily factual.
The cognitive function that is attributed widely to memetics — or more accurately, cultural information and trends — is Si or Introverted Sensing. It also happens to be the last cognitive function an INTJ or INFJ possesses.
The last or 8th function also happens to act of the same nature as the person’s 1st or dominant function, but it moves in the opposite direction. This is why the 8th is so widely underutilized — it is seen as redundant in the ego of the person as their cognitive function stack dictates that the Dominant already fulfills all the roles, but in a position of comfort. Si only ever manifests when it isn’t just a necessity, but a compulsory choice.
It is typically against the nature of the INTJ or INFJ to operate with Si. This is why these two types don’t follow cultural or social cues — such as memetics — which makes one an outlier among a homogeneous crowd.
Particularly, it is also a large contributing factor to note that a lot of social circles are likely Si-heavy as 45% of the world’s population are Si-users. In contrast, Si-use is almost inevitable in a good amount of communities and organizations and as the majority is always catered to (democratically), groups are most likely Si-catered which is why Ni-dominants find it hard to integrate themselves in it.
This is also a reason why whenever you see a social circle an INTJ or INFJ is integral in, Si is almost ignored. Such groups are usually heterogeneous too which in reverse, sometimes goes against the will of the Si-user’s nature and thus, repels them.
Si’s is also a very limbic Cognitive Function that understands place and position — inclusive of one’s self and their own role in the world. This ranges from compartmentalization, to hierarchy, order, comparisons and contrasts, and at in it’s deepest sense, preseverence and permanence.
Si in it’s purest form dwells on existence and preseveration. This also explains why Si-users are concerned with self-sustenance and safety.
All of this can be seen in their actions and thoughts:
- Playing it safe and avoid taking risks.
- Marking one’s social standing.
- Following groups of people and mass ideas i.e. collective thinking.
- Understanding hierachy and roles.
- Cooperation and strength in numbers.
Which implied above, is a clear indicator that plenty of renditions of Si has a lot to do with the focus and care of social groups and societal ideas — be it corporate or community.
At Si’s most natural and humanistic state, it is about maintaining a sense of belonging.
Add this factor into the mix and you’ll notice Ni-dominants are the far opposite of personal — INTJs and INFJs are very individualistic and unattached.
(This isn’t to say someone who is individualistic/non-conforming is an Ni-user. Si-users who deem it their prerogative to distinguish themselves from the crowd are still using Si, as it is still in relation towards how they stand in society from a position of power, authority, or admiration.)
With the lack of need or even redundancy of collectives, an INTJ or INFJ does prioritize the need to fit in or belong. This sometimes becomes a problem later on in life as most actually do find out that belonging to something or someone is essential to human mental — something that is prone to massive neglect.
This significant lack of proclivity towards groups harms the survivability of the INTJ/INFJ in communities long-term. It also hurts their social appearance and how they are percieved by others.
Often times when too late, Ni-dominants suffer an episode of lonliness and detachment from people, longing for propinquity — a need for close proximity between two individuals or minds or intimate human connection.
(The threshold of social and personal connection may be an extremely low threshold in need of fulfillment, but needs to be filled nonetheless and is most often overlooked.)
The bandwagon is pulled by none other than Introverted Sensing — it is the root of social proclivity and emphasizes on collectives.
Combine all these 3 confounding and interrelated factors together and you’ll find that they perpetuate distancing from social proactivity. It snowballs into a series of neglect that eventually escalates into social problems that will eventually confront an INTJ or INFJ.
To summarize:
- Ni-dominants are likely neglectful of cultural emphasis and information, making them less relatable to the norm.
- Most norms are Si-heavy as it is a population game. This creates a situation that majority of communities are Si-catered which is the anathema of the INTJ and INFJ.
- Ni-dominants are not concerned with their sense of belonging/survivability in groups or environments as they are impersonal people.
INTJs and INFJs don’t typically fit in social/communal groups as they are not proactively social. This isn’t an issue of inherent weakness, but outright neglect.