It’s easy to beat up, knock out, and concuss narcissists with WORDS.
Narcissists are clowns, who live lives full of failure. They are really pig headed, and don’t know when they’re beat.
Listen closely to their victim story.
Let’s say the narcissist in question has been badly beaten up in the past, because he did something dumb — he played games with the wrong person. Due to his insufferable arrogance he got beat up, knocked out, concussed in an utterly humiliating fashion.
You don’t use the trigger words at them, you use them on yourself, or talking about other people. The words carry the weight of the blow — they can’t bear to hear them.
So what you say is:
“This year has really knocked me around. I’m just feeling so bruised from work, you know? The new boss is really hammering me, it’s just making my head spin. I’d love to get married but I’m just feeling so pummelled by everything right now”.
You don’t have to make it quite so dense as that, but just keep hammering them with trigger words that make them get that sore look in their piggy little eyes. Trigger their shame by referring to yourself or others and using trigger words.
Pow, right in the victim story,
Robert
Keeping you hooked in is part of the game. You cannot reject them! They are the only ones who can determine when and how a relationship exists. Understand it’s a game! It’s not about loving, caring and a dozen red roses. It’s about control!
I believe he is bugging you to marry him simply to manipulate your emotions and see how much control he has over you. It could also be that he wants to keep you hanging on until he secures a new source of supply.
Oh my gosh. “Demanding to marry” him? Wow. How romantic. Lol. Sorry. He probably just wants control. For some reason, in his mind, marriage is going to benefit him. Maybe you have resources. Maybe he thinks you make an impressive looking couple. Maybe he suddenly feels like being married will fit his image. Maybe he has a green card that’s about to expire. Maybe he thinks you’ll be easier to control. Who knows. But I would say a good rule of thumb is not to marry someone who’s demanding to get married. Oh… and as for him being in the process of dumping you… that was then. This is now. They live in the present. Yesterday never happened. But don’t worry, he could go right back to “dumping” you in an instant.
Fear of loneliness. Maybe u can provide something he needs? Push and pull is a tactic to get you emotional hooked to him . Can go so far that u become addiction to the push and pull . The emotional roller-coaster. Hormone rush .
This is a great question and a question that people often don’t fully understand. Narcissists get married because narcissists value ONE thing above all else – SECURITY! Let me explain.
Narcissistic people are, by nature, very insecure. They also tend to be pessimistic on their outlook about things. They have seen their relationships end – often in tragic ways. Because of this, and their inability to really take full responsibility for the true reasons why their prior relationships ended, they often feel like no one understands them, no one is capable of understanding them and they won’t find “happiness”. Secure people realize that happiness is not a person, place or thing. Secure people also realize that happiness doesn’t come from anything outside of yourself. Narcissists do NOT see things that way. They look for external validation and happiness. Getting married makes them feel like SOMEONE truly does want them and love them. That knowledge makes them feel secure. It is also one of the reasons that they will move quickly from person to person. If one relationship ends, they can’t be alone, so they MUST have something to fill the void.
Most narcissists fear being alone more than anything. I say most because not all narcissistic types have that core fear. Covert narcissists actually are not afraid to be alone and, if not in a relationship, are likely to remain alone or have very transitory relationships. That narcissistic type is typically a “loaner” type anyway. Most other types of narcissistic people cannot stand being alone and it equates to utter loneliness and despair for them. So here comes marriage! The narcissist gets to have someone who devotes their life to them. They get to not be alone until they want to be, they have someone to heave their negative emotional baggage on AND they get to look “normal” to the outside world! After all, if someone managed to marry them, they can’t be that bad right?
At the end of the day, narcissists are just people! They are just people who are looking to fill a void left by some trauma that has led them down a winding, harrowing road that has been hard for them to escape from. They are lonely people who don’t realize how damaged they are, but DO realize how empty they feel when they are by themselves. So many people think that narcissists only marry for show, but that is just not true. Imagine that you are thirsty and you crave water, but drinking doesn’t stop the thirst. THAT is what love and relationships are like for a narcissist. They are searching and hoping and trying to fill themselves – to make themselves whole. Yet, nothing they do makes things right for them. They are broken people. Expecting broken people to be whole and well is like expecting someone who has never gone to school to perform complex brain surgery. When you don’t understand why you even behave the way you do, it is frustrating to go down a road that ends up not making you feel complete. Narcissists, on a very deep level, are EXTREMELY lonely people and, even though they have a hard time admitting it, they feel unwanted and unloved from a very deep place inside of their souls. They have watched people leave them and walk away from them and they have left people and walked away from people and they know what it is like to FEEL utterly and completely alone – even if their loneliness is a DIRECT result of their behavior. THAT is why they marry! Hope is a VERY powerful motivating factor for people who feel hopeless deep inside.
Narcissists also sometimes marry solely for financial reasons or status. However, that is not an unusual thing. Many people, both narcissists and non narcissistic people, will marry someone who is of a higher standing financially or socially. I will add that narcissists, when they marry for this reason, can become very dangerous to deal with. In this specific situation, the narcissist almost always has an exit strategy in mind at the beginning of the marriage and, sometimes, that exit strategy includes walking away with the money the person they are marrying has and that person ending up dead. I know that sounds extreme to some people, but narcissistic people are capable of EXTREME things because they don’t have that inner filter or buffer that stops most of us from doing the uncivilized and outrageous. Even if you do not have money, but are dealing with a narcissist who is money hungry, you are still in danger. Narcissists who are money hungry think nothing of taking out insurance policies and killing their spouses. It happens more than you think, so be VERY careful and do not ignore the warning signs! Not all narcissists are that way, but the ones that are can be very diabolical.
A marriage for a narcissist will NEVER be about connecting with another person to make that person’s world a better place. It will never be about love for the sake of pure love – even though a narcissist can “care”, in their own way, about the person they marry. Marriages to narcissists will always be about the narcissist fulfilling their own needs and addressing their own issues. For the person on the receiving end, a marriage to a narcissist becomes the loneliest island in the world. It becomes a place they signed up to go to, but also a place that is ultimately completely and totally unfulfilling.