What keeps INTJs interested in a relationship? What makes them lose interest?

This is an important question for the many seeking a strong and long lasting relationship with an INTJ.

Here’s a *new* idea for some readers, I believe that there are *6 types* of INTJs based on instinctual preference. Each one of these INTJs is interested in obtaining different things from a romantic partner, and each one has its own set of dealbreakers in a relationship.

In order to explain in some detail, this is a bit lengthier answer than usual. The added length is hopefully worth getting specifics about your INTJ, as we can never paint INTJs with too wide a brush).

  1. The Self Preservationist INTJ with a Sexual (Partner) blind spot. These practical types want loyalty, like mindedness, to maintain an orderly pleasing lifestyle, material wealth and inclusion in groups. A partner that supports and delivers on these qualities will be well suited with this INTJ. We find many INTJs on Quora fitting in this group, these INTJs cite loyalty and steadfastness as the most important qualities in a partner. A partner who lacks these traits, thus opposing the INTJ’s ideals, will see the INTJ loosing interest in their relationship.
  2. The Self Preservationist INTJ with a Social blind spot. This type desires a safe relationship, a nonjudgemental partner, with whom they can built an unbreakable bond and establish a home sanctuary. This INTJ type has a well developed Fi (values and tastes), is individualistic, and has many interests they wish to pursue. The right partner for them, is a partner who will allow them to pursue their interests and provide them the safety and support they seek. This INTJ type is blind to the collective good, and dislikes anything or anyone (partner) that endangers their orderly lifestyle.
  3. The Social Dominant INTJ with a Sexual (Partner) blind spot. Since this INTJ’s focus is on group outcomes, seeking structural and culture change, he lacks a preference for intimacy, and his romantic life may suffer as a result. This INTJ oscillates between cold and warm demeanor, sometimes cynical other times romantic. This INTJ wants status, influence and inclusion in society, along with an orderly lifestyle. If a partner can be useful and independent enough to not crave so much intimacy from this INTJ, they would form a good match. The opposite traits in a partner, such as someone with a high need for interpersonal intimacy would spell a dealbreaker.
  4. The Social Dominant INTJ, with a Self-Preservation blind spot. (This is my old INTJ crush 🙄).This INTJ seeks connections in society, and is skilled in networking and building long lasting personal relationships. This type prefers one on one interactions over group settings. This INTJ possesses a “dangerously strong charisma”, is highly perceptive, manipulative, comfortable with bending the truth, and frequently, a performer (life is a stage for them). This INTJ has many varied and changing interests, is nomadic in nature, and asexual. A partner who shares in this INTJ’s interests and life values is a good match. In contrast, someone who does not share sufficient social standing in their social sphere, is not polished or interesting enough to keep their interest, would not be a successful match.
  5. The Sexual (Partner) Dominant INTJ, with a Society blindspot. (I am an ENFP with this same instinctual variant and can relate with this type). This type desires an orderly and pleasing lifestyle, but one that enables it to pursue romantic intensity. This INTJ is restless and feels torn between the urge to explore versus staying grounded in their stable home. This INTJ wants it all, a home sanctuary, the stability of a partner, but also a soulmate with whom to form a secret bond. If their partner is not a soulmate, this INTJ will expend it’s energy outwardly as a spark chaser, choosing lust over love, and new beginnings over the comfort of old.
  6. Sexual (Partner) Dominant INTJ, with a Self-preservationist blindspot. This type seeks position and status, and intense romantic relationships. This INTJ exudes raw charisma and sexual energy. This type’s goals are to spark cultural change, yet they are unaware of the degree to which their revolution threatens their own survival. This quote best describes this INTJ “sexual first energy is more phallic, a concentrated cluster of nerves leaning forward, poking at the collective emotional space; introducing heat which causes agitation in social groups, taking a no holds bar approach to discourse.” This type is not so preoccupied by order, like other INTJs, nor relationship conventions. This type marches to the beat of their own drum. A compatible sexual partner that is also supportive of these goals is a match for this INTJ. This INTJ is not interested in someone who is not sexually compatible with them.

The above points could apply to all MBTI types (by instinctual preference type), except that not all MBTI types “lose interest” in relationships. INTJs believe that relationships are dynamic and that constant striving is required to maintain the relationship, however, many other MBTI types see love and relationships as static and for the long haul, regardless of a partner’s performance.

I encourage all who are inclined to read the original source for more information (below). Much of the content above is paraphrased or a direct quote.

Source: Instinctual Variants Stackings | Wiki | Myers Briggs [MBTI] Amino

Link to Instinctual Variant Test (recommend the long test): Free Enneagram Personality Test – Instinctual Preference