Picture waking up terrified – heart racing, panting, drenched in sweat. You were having a nightmare, but you don’t remember anything about it.
You know your subconscious is trying to tell you something, but you have no idea what.
This is a narcissist’s experience with an educated or awakened empath.
Look, most narcissists don’t consciously look for empaths. They may not even be familiar with the term.
That said, narcissists are drawn to empaths like a moth to a flame.
An empath who has not learned to understand and use their superpowers, their heightened sensitivity, their intuition, their empathy, is a phenomenal narcissist target.
Many empaths developed these attributes from childhood trauma. Likewise, many were taught…
- To control and suppress emotions like anger and sadness
- Setting and enforcing boundaries is not safe (and the boundaries will not be respected)
- To deny their emotional needs
- Love and safety are achieved through people-pleasing
- Acceptance, approval, and validation are fleeting, yet required
They learned to keep out of trouble by sensing other’s emotions.
- They learned to walk on eggshells to steer clear of another’s rage.
- They learned how to soothe another’s fears and insecurities, learning that fear leads to anger.
They grew up with cognitive dissonance.
- A mother asking for a hug, while her body screamed, “Don’t touch me!”
- A father professing pride, while his body recoiled with sheer disgust.
- A loved one agreeing to help with a friendly tone, while their body fumed with rage.
The empath grew up with a Dr Jeyll/Mr Hyde experience. They learned to see the good (Dr Jekyll) in everyone, because to acknowledge Mr Hyde as real would have been downright terrifying.
The empath grew up destabilized in a sea of gaslighting.
- You’re so annoying.
- Why can’t you be more like your brother?
- How could you get this question wrong (and only get a 97%)? That’s a stupid error.
- You’re just not pretty like your sister.
- You’re not strong enough.
- You’ll never make it. Who do you think you are?
- You better give up that dream for a good-paying job.
- You’re too sensitive.
- You need to toughen up.
- No one will ever love you.
The empath learned to accept blame and self-blame out of an extreme amount of internal shame. They learned to be hyper-responsible.
And, as a child who relied on these adults for food, shelter, survival, there was no recourse.
Many empaths pushed back, infuriated at the dissonance, the lies they were fed as truth. They were labeled as being difficult, crazy, or having anger issues.
Is it any wonder these empaths became emotionally dependent on others for self-worth, validation, attention, acceptance, even love?
They have been groomed to be a narcissist’s perfect partner – someone who sets aside their feelings and needs to put the needs of another first, who sees great potential in the darkest of people, who devalues themselves, who has something to prove to overcome profound shame and fear of not being good enough.
The empath will fall into a series of toxic relationships, shocked every time they slammed back into reality, like taking a 2×4 to the head.
Eventually, the empath will become educated about narcissists and other toxic people. They will learn to recognize projection, deflection, blameshifting, future faking, gaslighting, and more. They will recognize the rage lurking beneath the words.
They will become awakened to the truth of who they are and dive into the depths of their empathy, intuition, and heightened sensitivity. They will release the subconscious emotional dependence scripts. They will find and stand in their power.
Heaven help the narcissist who targets one of these awakened empaths.
- They see through the narcissist’s façade.
- They feel the narcisssist’s internal shame, fear, and rage.
- They see the best in the narcissist, they see their humanity, but they are too wise to be drawn into the trap.
- They call out the narcissist’s behaviors without fear of recourse.
- They are indifferent when provoked.
- They are clear, unable to be destabilized.
- They recognize the narcissist’s tactics for what they are while the narcissist is none the wiser.
- They are attuned to the narcissist’s fears and insecurities.
- They feel the lie beneath the words.
- They have the ability to choose whether or not they provide narcissistic supply.
The awakened empath wields a lot of power they will never use, but that power alone is the narcissist’s worst nightmare.
This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.
Though I am a doctor, I’m not YOUR doctor. Please consult a local professional for your particular medical and legal needs and circumstances.
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