Why is it hard to date an INTJ man?
My recommendation is to never try to figure them out on your own. You will not be successful. If you’re an INFJ, they are more like you than you realize. Scarily so. If you know yourself, it’s somewhat safe to assume you are on a similar wavelength.
State your case and allow an INTJ man to either correct you, or respond with an explanation. Never assume what they are thinking or feeling because nine times out of ten you will be wrong. Ask. Then accept their answer as the truth. They are honest, blunt, and straightforward.
Since they are not like anyone else you’ve ever known, I highly recommend studying the personality type in depth. A quick graze isn’t even slightly sufficient.
Be prepared to have your feelings hurt. Call them out for their lack of communication finesse. This allows them to become aware of how they went wrong. They’ll acknowledge their not so great communication and be cognizant of it in the future. It’s super easy to correct them because they strive for excellence in all things, including communication. If you’re needy and clingy, you need not apply for a relationship with an INTJ. They are independent by nature and need a partner who is also independent with their own things going on.
They are loyal, protective, highly intelligent, driven, creative, analytical, arrogant until they mature, and they don’t sugar coat. You’ll need a a thicker skin until they know the ins and outs of you. Once they learn, they are just the loveliest humans.
It truly is a lack of understanding of their personality type that causes the most misunderstandings. If you diligently do your research, not much of what they do or say will faze you. You’ll understand their basic nature, their strengths, and their weaknesses…in depth
AnonymousWill add on the best aspects of dating an INTJ man after giving my answer of why it’s hard.
- If you are dumb or lack basic common sense, you won’t get far with an INTJ man.
- He doesn’t behave like the stereotypical guy where you flirt, he gets it and asks you out. You flirt he doesn’t get it… a year later you ask him out for a beer because the friend you have in common has a gf and doesn’t want to see either of you.
- You have to ask the INTJ man again when you tell him there’s a dead chicken corpse in the fridge you’d like to share with him. He chuckles and then agrees to meet up at your home and he greets your mom.
- After having several friendly dates he doesn’t kiss or touch or anything and you’re kind of wondering if this dude is relationship or friendship material.
- He says something hilarious and witty and you’re back on, “he might be relationship material.”
- On the 10th date there’s kissing… but a bloody peck on the lips because he won’t do any sexual moves. WTF!
- Six months into the talking phase he finally feels comfortable enough to send kissy face emojis and hugs.
- All your female friends tell you to dump this weirdos ass and date someone else.
- He stalks your every move on fb and I pretty much have to write this anonymously because he’s probably stalking whatever I’m doing on the web.
- Apart from the stalking, he’s rationally weighing out whether I’m relationship material. I can tolerate it because to me he’s an innocent cute puppy that I will devour.
Positive aspects of dating an INTJ man and why I prefer him over all the men I’ve dated in the past.
- Im an INTP. I’m so happy I don’t need to deal with some asshole whining about why I don’t respond his messages quickly on the phone.
- I’ve taken the initiative in the relationship but he responds positively afterwards and he invites me as well. It’s a very balanced two way street relationship which I like.
- It’s the first time I feel I don’t need to hide how smart I am to a guy.
- 0 manipulation 0 games and its endearing. You feel you can actually trust this man with your heart
- He isn’t a cheapskate when he invites me out to dinner.
- He never flakes on dates with me. (He’s the Holy grail of men)
- as an INTP I understand him and he understands me. We connect emotionally while we both talk in a monotone about science and world politics. You’d hear us talk and it would never dawn on you that we are romantically interested in one another.
- He doesn’t feel entitled to special treatment from my part and neither do I. Which diminishes drama logarithmically.
- He’s there for me when it matters. If I tell him I’m sad about something he picks up the phone and calls me just to make sure I’m OK.
- When I express my emotional needs as an INTP I do have them once in a while, he responds positively.. it’s like he’s learning to be a better partner with me.
so all in all INTJ men are difficult to date because they are just horrible at asking out and wooing a woman while at the same time having high standards. Dating and loving an INTJ man requires that the woman take the reigns of the relationship and that they make a leap of faith.
INTJs are different, and dating one can be difficult, especially in the beginning and double especially if you are the type that can’t adapt or compromise easily.
During the first few months I struggled with figuring out his communication style. We only got to hang out about once a week, and so we communicated more via text. Well….he is a terrible texter….for the most part. And so I would agonize over the two hours or more it took him to text back. Or he didn’t reply to a cute meme at all, so that had to mean that he just didn’t like me any more! Now that I’ve been seeing him for close to a year, I know his overall patterns. I know when he is working. I know the things that he looks at but just doesn’t feel like responding to. I can read between the lines of his texts. I learned to chillax. Having said that, our relationship has now reached a point where we text almost daily later in the evening and have longer ongoing conversations. It is more rare for me not to talk to him on any given day than it is to talk.
My INTJ is very private and just simply does not share his deeper thoughts with the general public. This made it hard at first to know and understand him. He is also very controlled with his body language, so I couldn’t pick up on those “tells” that you read about when trying to decide if someone likes you. I went for several months not knowing where I stood with him. But then I learned about personality typing and was able to very, VERY clearly determine his type. So I started researching and learning. Now I am getting better at seeing the little, subtle ways he shows he cares. Again, I’ve learned to chillax.
He must have his quiet alone time. I know this, and have not been demanding of more of his time than he is willing to share with me. And because I was non-clingy, non-whiney in the beginning, I am a safe person to him and he shares more of himself and his time, especially evenings texting.
It has helped that I am an INFP with but a lower “feeling” higher “thinking” personality. I have a full, busy life with a full time teaching job and photography as a side job/hobby. I also travel. So I’m not sitting at home needing him to meet all of my needs.
Dating an INTJ requires patience, time, understanding, compromise, and not needing constant validation or affirmation. It takes learning the guy, appreciating and loving him for who he is, and not demanding that he change. Are there some parts of him I wouldn’t mind being different….of course….but I was drawn him just the way he is, and I can see and revel in his uniqueness and be the woman who gets him and loves him for him.
This kind of question somehow upset me a little. Recently, i answered “why is it hard to date an ENFP”.
My answer is- it’s not hard to date an INTJ or any other type. It is more likely that you have misunderstood them or they have failed to meet your expectations. Simply said – if you think it’s hard then they’re probably not the right one for you 🙂
Anyway, ENFPs (& ENTPs) will greatly appreciate and thank you for leaving INTJs for us 😉 because………
….we have very limited supply of INTJs in this world and that would mean one less person to cat-fight with over INTJ 😛 MUAHHAHAHAH
Note to self (to-do task after answering this question);
- Burn all evidences of how loving and sensitive an INTJ man actually is
Lololololololol
INTJ men are difficult to date. They don’t show signs of interest. They are passive and take too long to decide if they are interested to pursue a dating relationship. They are stingy to spend their money on dates. Please prove me wrong if you don’t agree.
I dislike generalising a type- after all, everyone is different. My boyfriend didn’t show any sign of interest from his facial expression but his actions and initiatives to ask me out, text me regularly to ask me how’s my day, if I had my lunch , I believe those are sufficient to show me that he cares. For your info, I am ENFP – there are days when I’m too emotional and irrational, clingy for no reason, he put up with my clinginess, gave me hugs and kisses without me asking. He just did it bcos he thinks I need it. Not at all stingy with display of affections and money wise. I am spoilt. Like really spoilt. He is pretty observant so he always know what I like, ask me if I want to get those and pay it for me. Of course, he did it with his stoic face.
There are days when I feel a little frustrated for his lack of facial expression – he knows this too. But he is sensitive enough to acknowledge how I feel and told me “ My lack of expression doesn’t mean that I’m not happy or that I don’t love you. I am just better at hiding my emotions than you are. Always know that I feel the same way as you do”
