What are some key signs of a narcissist?

Spotting a narcissist from the jump is an important way to avoid loads of frustration and despair.

These early red flags alert you to proceed with caution or better yet, run away.

  1. The narcissist is over the top: They will tell you you’re so fascinating, amazing, beautiful, successful – whatever it is that they’d want to hear if they were you.
  2. The narcissist moves fast: They will tell you they love you, tell you they’ve never felt this way before, talk about moving in together, or even talk about marriage far earlier than typical.
  3. The narcissist lies about small or large things: They will tell their friends that you both were late due to traffic, when there wasn’t traffic; that their bonus was $5000, when it was $2000; that they rode 50 miles on their bike, when the two of you rode 25 miles.
  4. The narcissist asks or expects you to corroborate their story: They expect you to confirm the traffic, bonus size, and bike mileage, even though they are false.
  5. The narcissist feels nothing is ever their fault: There is always someone or something to blame. They missed the shot because the ball was wet. They didn’t get a promotion because favors snowflakes. They missed their flight because their boss didn’t let them leave on time.
  6. The narcissist is a drama queen or king: They live for drama. Even though they say they hate it, drama follows them everywhere they go.
  7. The narcissist tells you things you don’t want to know: They love to gossip. They’ll tell you their sister was raped, your co-worker has financial challenges, or the bartender used to be a woman. They share others’ private information in a way that makes you uncomfortable, wishing you could rewind the clock and not know this information all while wondering what they’re saying about you.
  8. The overt narcissist thinks everyone is jealous of them: Or at least they think everyone should be.
  9. The covert narcissist is a victim and a hero in every story: They’ve been wronged more ways than you can count. Each time, they were a misunderstood hero.
  10. The narcissist takes credit for others’ words and actions: You whisper a joke in their ear, they repeat it, everyone laughs, and they take credit. You purchase a bottle of wine, and they hand it to the host. (Think George Costanza and the big salad.)
  11. The narcissist feels they are right about everything: “If only you were more educated on this topic, I’m sure you’d agree with me.”
  12. The narcissist believes the rules don’t apply to them: They take up two parking spaces to avoid getting their doors dinged. They grab 3 cupcakes at a potluck when there’s only enough for one per guest. They skip in line.
  13. They become emotionally dysregulated, even if only for a moment: In that moment, you’ve seen them without their mask. You’ve seen their rage lurking below the surface, and it is scary.

Each item, on the surface, may seem small. This is precisely why most people don’t recognize a narcissist until they’re in over their heads.

When you pull back and look objectively at the big picture, you see dishonesty, lack of accountability, entitlement, love bombing, devaluation, and rage simmering inside.

That’s when you know moving forward will only bring you pain.

This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Though I am a doctor, I’m not YOUR doctor. Please consult a local professional for your particular medical and legal needs and circumstances.

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