openpolitics.com

The Wrong Way to Speak to Children

Parents often use phrases like ‘Good job!’ and ‘Say thank you’ when they talk to their children. But what do those phrases really mean?

The problem is that at its core, this way of speaking is all about control. We use it to tell our kids what we want them to say (“Say sorry!”); how we want them to feel (“You’re OK!”); what we want them to do (“Behave yourself!”); and what will happen if they don’t (“Do you want a timeout?”).

 In other words, parentspeak is about compliance—and that often keeps us from understanding the feelings, motivations, thoughts and behavior of our children. Rather than teaching them to communicate and problem solve, we are essentially teaching them to obey.