How to Stop Being Attracted to Someone Who’s Not Good for You

Figure out what the heck you are so attracted to in that person who isn’t good for you.

First, understand that your attraction – the pull – is probably either primarily physical or emotional. If it’s physical, it is obvious what the attraction is about. If it is emotional, your attraction could be for one of these reasons: you see that person as happier, more likable, better, etc. than you and you want to be around them so you can become more like that; you see that person as “cooler” or more interesting than you; you see that person as unemotional or withholding and you want to win them over; or you see them as depressed, sad, self-destructive, etc. and that makes you want to save or rescue them.

The list of possible reasons is endless, of course, but the reasons I highlighted are some of the most common ones. If you are someone who feels the need to learn how to stop being attracted to someone, one of the reasons I mentioned probably applies to you (at least a little bit).

Counter sexual, romantic or positive thoughts with immediate negative ones.

There are several things you can say to yourself to redirect your feelings and focus on reality instead of fantasy – or what your heart wants. I will list examples of things you can say to yourself when you feel the pull so that you can detach and resist the person who isn’t good for you. “Just because I’m attracted to someone doesn’t mean that my attraction to them is a good thing.” “The way they look on the outside is great, but what’s on the inside is less appealing.” “I need to find someone who makes me feel less anxious or insecure, not more.” “Am I supposed to be chasing someone?”

Think about the qualities of your best friends.

Write about your romantic penchants.

An effective way to change anything is to write about it. By writing things down, we organize our thoughts and get to the root of a problem. Start by writing about why you believe you ever became attracted to someone who isn’t good for you in the first place. Did your parents model that? Do you think you suffer from low self-esteem? Do you actually trust boyfriends or girlfriends in relationships, or do you secretly believe love never works out or that you will always end up feeling disappointed or even betrayed? Write down your thoughts and feelings, and you will instantly gain some self-awareness in doing so.

A final question to ask yourself…

Ask yourself this: “Are relationships really supposed to be this frustrating or unfulfilling, or am I simply looking for love in all the wrong places?”