In the 2016 presidential elections, America defeated itself. The Russian intervention, intelligent as it was, could only work because of our own failures: in media, in democracy, and in social justice. In the second episode of “Timothy Snyder Speaks,” historian and author Timothy Snyder shows what the Russian attack can teach us about ourselves.
Timothy Snyder is a historian at Yale University, specializing in eastern Europe, totalitarianism, and the Holocaust. His books have received widespread acclaim. His most recent book, “On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century,” explores the everyday ways a citizen can resist the authoritarianism of today. He is also the author of “Black Earth: The Holocaust as History and Warning” and, forthcoming in April, “The Road to Unfreedom: Russia, Europe, America.”
the sad truth about why the narcissist
seems to hate you but won’t let you go
easily being the target of narcissistic
hatred is the most confusing experience
you’ll have in your life
it’s wrought with ironies opposites and
sleight of hand just when you think
you’ve come out of the nightmare you
wake up in the middle of another one and
there doesn’t seem to be any relief in
it’s absolutely soul-shattering to give
your all to the narcissist and feel like
you’ve finally made some progress in
getting through to them only for them to
smack you down with the most hateful
scathing episode to date it’s as though
they truly hate you down to the core of
your soul as if they can barely stand to
be in the same room with you or
breathing the same air as you and they
probably have told you this in so many
words but you’ve been so traumatized by
the sheer spite in their voice during
these episodes you have a hard time
remembering everything they’ve said the
irony is that just when things seem to
be truly over and you’ve accepted in
your heart and soul that it’s time to
move on and narcissus changes back to
being seemingly nice perhaps even
affectionate it’s so utterly confusing
why do they do this are they a tortured
soul who is so wounded they just can’t
help it is there anything at all you can
do to speak to the wounded inner self
the narcissist appears to hide buried
deep within them as a person who loves
the narcissist it’s usually easier to
believe they have no control over these
conflicting behaviors we can identify
with what we believe is their inner pain
but this is a story we tell ourselves a
story that keeps us in meshed with them
in a tempestuous cycle of insane highs
and lows that ultimately depletes us of
our very soul there is a reason they do
this but it’s hard to digest sometimes
though we need the truth because it’s
the one thing that can finally set us
sad truth about narcissistic hatred the
reason you found yourself the target of
narcissistic hatred is that they view
love as a weakness and consequently it
repulses them but at the same time it
allows them to extract copious amounts
of narcissistic supply this is why they
seem to hate you but won’t let you go
the narcissist views you as a feeble
underling one which provides them with
wonderful supply so though they couldn’t
care less about you as a person they
don’t want to give up the fringe
benefits that go along with engaging in
a relationship with you albeit a
torturous one they won’t let you go
because you are providing them with the
things they need to survive as a
narcissist these things may consist of
housekeeping taking over the
responsibility for their adult
obligations cleaning up their many
messes staying with them while they
carry on Affairs and providing them with
a convenient receptacle for when they
need to vent all their pent-up negative
energies and rage onto someone therefore
it does no good for you to show your
vulnerability to the narcissist and
further why they seem to dislike you
even more when you show your very human
emotions they want the benefits without
all the damage control they want you to
just be quiet about it all and go back
to the person you were before you
discovered who they really are this is
why when you try to make them see how
they’re hurting you it’s utterly
in fact it’s during these moments you
see into the true core of the narcissist
personality and it’s chilling
nonetheless in your mind you love them
and have bonded with them and so you try
to humanize them believing they must
think and feel the same way you do but
just have a hard time showing it this is
not the case
they are nothing like you and no amount
of unconditional love will change this
fact when we insist on believing the
narcissist is like us we are creating a
story in our minds writing the
screenplay as we go along thinking that
with enough love and compassion we will
finally break through to the narcissist
wound itself this will never happen and
it’s important to accept this painful
truth narcissus loved to blame other
people for their nasty behaviors in turn
you may respond by being more supportive
understanding kind or compromising in an
effort to persuade the narcissus to halt
their betrayals and cruelties instead
what happens is patterns of deception
and denial are established this may be
to avoid the narcissists wrath or keep
the peace proving to the narcissist
you’re not the crazy psycho they say you
are but underneath the surface is a
budding system of enabling a system the
narcissist fabricates from the very
start the truth about when things seem
normal it’s vital to understand that
when the narcissist is being nice it’s
an integrated part of the abuse a reward
if you will for sweeping their last
attack under the rug and going back to
your agreeable self the one who will
smile at them while they carry on with
their normal deplorable behaviors as
though everything is on the up and up
additionally they understand that if
they give you a glimpse of the person
they pretended to be when you first met
he’ll do everything in your power to
keep the golden illusion alive the
illusion that things can be like they
were before this is how trauma bonds
become stronger over time if you go
along with this Mirage you’ll be like a
legendary solitary traveler who believes
they found water in the desert only to
find they’ve traveled deeper into the
middle of nowhere with nothing around
them to sustain life if you found this
video helpful hit subscribe share it
with your friends and leave your
comments in the section below and if
you’re tired of being the target of
narcissistic hatred don’t forget to grab
sealing toolkit in the description box
14. “In my opinion, you vote for a Democrat, you’re being very disloyal to Jewish people and you’re being very disloyal to Israel. And only weak people would say anything other than that.”Yes, Trump is doubling down on his very controversial “dual loyalty” claims here. But he’s also revealing what he believes to be the worst trait in a person: Being “weak.”15. “I think that if you vote for a Democrat, you’re very, very disloyal to Israel and to the Jewish people.”He never, ever backs down. No matter what. He believes it to be a sign of, wait for it, weakness... 24. “We’re building tremendous numbers of miles of wall right now in different locations. It all comes together likes a beautiful puzzle.”As of July, 46.7 miles of the border wall had been built. So, lot of puzzle pieces still out there... 28. “There are many, many things in play. People are talking about videos. People are talking about lots of different things. But we do have a way of bringing what we already have, because we have many, many — as you know, we have many, many people that are unable to buy guns right now. Many people are unable to buy guns.”Trump regularly talks in circles. But when he talks about guns and the way forward on gun control(or not) he takes it to a whole other level.29. “And you know, we can’t let that slope go so easy that we’re talking about background checks, then all of a sudden we’re talking about, ‘Let’s take everybody’s gun away.'”This is a favorite argument of the NRA but bears very little connection to reality. Making sure everyone who buys a gun has to submit to a background check isn’t even on the same planet as the government coming to peoples’ houses and demanding they turn their guns over. Ridiculous... 32. “I went to the hospitals. It was totally falsely reported. There were beautiful, beautiful, very sad, you know, horrible moments. But there were beautiful moments, in the sense that these people — the families and also the people that were so badly injured that I was with — they love our country.”This is Trump on his hospital visit to victims of mass shootings in Dayton, Ohio, and El Paso, Texas. Very beautiful. Also sad. And horrible. But also beautiful.33. “So when I went to Dayton, and when I went to El Paso, and I went into those hospitals, the love for me — and me, maybe, as a representative of the country — but for me — and my love for them was unparalleled.”So, the big takeaway from Trump’s visits to mass shooting victims was that they really loved him. Like, a lot.34. “The doctors were coming out of the operating rooms. There were hundreds and hundreds of people all over the floor. You couldn’t even walk on it.”So, according to the President, doctors stopped operating on patients in order to come out and meet him? OK! Very legal and very cool!
A Data-Based Analysis of Trump’s Language on Twitter
All of these attacks can be placed into 6 main buckets. These include accusations of weakness, stupidity, failure, illegitimacy, corruption or fear-based attacks. Some examples are below.
1 — Weakness— ie. low, old, lightweight, losing, losers, ridiculous, poor, pathetic
eg. “The U.S. has pathetically weak and ineffective Immigration Laws that the Democrats refuse to help us fix.”
2 — Stupidity — ie. dopey, incompetent, clueless, moron
eg. “Paul Begala, the dopey @CNN flunky and head of the Pro-Hillary Clinton Super PAC, has knowingly committed fraud in his first ad against me.”
3 — Failure — ie. failing, failed, disaster
eg. “No wonder the @nytimes is failing — who can believe what they write after the false, malicious & libelous story they did on me.”
4 — Illegitimacy⁵ — ie. fake, false, biased, hoax, haters, unfair, a joke, rigged
eg. “Wow, sleepy eyes @chucktodd is at it again. He is do [sic] totally biased.”
5 — Corrupt — ie crooked
e.g “Big story out that the FBI ignored tens of thousands of Crooked Hillary Emails, many of which are REALLY BAD”
6 — Fear — ie. enemy, threat, radical
eg. “Many of the Syrian rebels are radical jihadi Islamists who are murdering Christians”
.. Looking at the dates of Trump’s tweets, we can see how much he has used the service over time. Believe it or not, Trump’s Twitter use has declined since he became president. It seems like it peaked in 2013 when he was A/B testing his Obama attacks and first dipping his toes in presidential politics.
.. We can also look at the times of day that Trump tweets the most. It seems that his Twitter use starts first thing in the morning and builds throughout the day, peaking around 3pm. A not-insignificant number of tweets are sent in the middle of the night too.
The power of vulnerability: TEDx Houston (2011)
(Jan 2011) Brené Brown studies human connection — our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk at TEDxHouston, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. A talk to share.
Listening to shame | Brené Brown (2012)
- Vulnerability is not weakness. It is our most accurate measure of courage.
- Vulnerability is the birthplace of
- creativity, and
Shame: has focus on self. Guilt is focus on behavior.
- Shame has two scripts:
- You are never good enough.
- Who do you think you are?
- Shame is correlated with:
- eating disorders.
- Shame is organized by gender:
- For women is not being able to do it all perfectly while never letting them see you sweat.
- Shame for men is appearing weak.
- Shame is fed by
- silence, and
The antidote to Shame is Empathy.
Brené Brown: Create True Belonging and Heal the World with Lewis Howes (2017)
Whenever there is not love and belonging there is suffering.
- Belonging is being part of something bigger than yourself, but belonging is also the courage to stand alone.
- Belonging never asks us to change who we are.
- Fitting in can mean betraying yourself if it asks us to change who we are to belong.
Teams and Groups can deliver the illusion of belonging.
If you become so adaptable that the goal of adapting is to make you like me, you betray yourself.
There are two kinds of kids:
- Kids who ask for help
- Kids who don’t
Lewis: my way was of asking was getting angry, mad, and lashing out, turning fear into rage and ploughing over others
- In 3rd or 4th grade, Lewis was shamed by getting picked last in a dodgeball game
- He turned his loss into fuel for athletics, eventually playing football in the NFL.
- He felt like every loss was an attack on his life because he feared he couldn’t be accepted.
- Involves: uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure
- You can’t be a courageous leader if you aren’t willing to be uncomfortable
The ability to opt-out of talking about Charlottesville and having it “not affect her” is the definition of privilege.
- Charlottesville is about powerlessness
I can’t imagine a way though the next decade that doesn’t involve dealing with pain. (34 min)
James Baldwin: people hold on to their hate so stubbornly because once they let it go their is nothing but pain.
After a difficult breakup while at college, Lewis took out his rage on the football field.
Every social crisis, almost without exception, is about our inability to deal with our pain:
- Opioids: physicians
- Medicated, addicted, in debt, obese.
Our inability to deal with pain and vulnerability is what leads to many problems.
The football team that acknowledges its vulnerabilities will be more successful.
Charlottesville comes down to identity, belonging, and power.
- This is the concept of “power-over”‘s last stand
- last stands are violent, desperate
- nostalgic: “It was so much better when people knew their place”
We can’t solve the next issues with national solutions
Vulnerability is not weakness. It is about the willingness to be seen when you can’t control the outcome.
When you experience shame:
- Talk to yourself like you talk to someone you love.
- Talk to someone else: shame can not respond to being spoken
You either own your story or it owns you.
What is Greatness?
- Greatness is owning your story and loving yourself though that.
Brené Brown Shows You How To “Brave the Wilderness” (2017)
(Warning: There is swearing in this video)
Dehumanization is not a social justice tool (15 min)
Police-Protester Dichotomy: shaming us for not hating the right people.
I’m not going to let my imperfection move me away from the conversation because its too important
I contributed more than I criticized.
There is a difference between holding people accountable and shame.
Shame is not a strategy. It will hurt them and you. Shame begets shame.
Holding people accountable is not as much fun as raging against them.
There should be more tools in your tool bag than shame and coddling. (25 min)
Shame is an unspoken epidemic, the secret behind many forms of broken behavior. Brené Brown, whose earlier talk on vulnerability became a viral hit, explores what can happen when people confront their shame head-on. Her own humor, humanity and vulnerability shine through every word.
- Vulnerability is not weakness. It is our most accurate measure of courage.
- Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.
Shame is correlated with depression, bullying
Shame for women is doing it all but never let you sweat.
Shame for men is not appearing weak.
Shame is fed by Secrecy, Silence, and Judgement
The antidote to Shame is Empathy
Arguably, that moment proved a precursor to this one as conservatives angry at his apostasy, led by a onetime backbench congressman from Georgia named Newt Gingrich, rose to power within the Republican Party and toppled the old establishment. The harder-edged Gingrich revolution in some ways foreshadowed Mr. Trump’s extraordinary takeover of the party.
Mr. Meacham said the current world of cable talk and relentless partisanship took shape during Mr. Bush’s era. “He saw it all coming, and he didn’t like it,” he said.
Mark K. Updegrove, the author of “The Last Republicans,” about the two Bush presidencies, said, “In so many ways, Bush was the antithesis of the Republican leadership we see today.” He embodied, Mr. Updegrove added, “the
- civility and
of the best of the World War II generation. He played tough but fair, making friends on both sides of the aisle and rejecting the notion of politics as a zero-sum game.”
.. For all of the condolences and tributes pouring in to the Bush home in Houston from every corner of the world on Saturday, Mr. Trump’s very presidency stands as a rebuke to Mr. Bush. Never a proponent of “kinder and gentler” politics, Mr. Trump prefers a brawl, even with his own party. The “new world order” of free-trade, alliance-building internationalism that Mr. Bush championed has been replaced by Mr. Trump’s “America First” defiance of globalism.
.. Mr. Trump has demonstrated that he sees the go-along-to-get-along style that defined Mr. Bush’s presidency as inadequate to advance the nation in a hostile world. Gentility and dignity, hallmarks of Mr. Bush, are signs of weakness to Mr. Trump. In his view, Mr. Bush’s version of leadership left the United States exploited by allies and adversaries, whether on economics or security.
.. Mr. Bush was, in effect, president of the presidents’ club, the father of one other commander in chief and the father figure to another, Bill Clinton. Jimmy Carter always appreciated that Mr. Bush’s administration treated him better than Ronald Reagan’s or Mr. Clinton’s, while Barack Obama expressed admiration for the elder Mr. Bush when he ran for the White House.
.. Mr. Obama was among the last people to see Mr. Bush alive.
.. “What the hell was that, by the way, thousand points of light?” Mr. Trump asked scornfully at a campaign rally in Great Falls, Mont., in July. “What did that mean? Does anyone know? I know one thing: Make America great again, we understand. Putting America first, we understand. Thousand points of light, I never quite got that one.”
.. “It’s so easy to be presidential,” Mr. Trump said at a campaign rally in Wheeling, W.Va. “But instead of having 10,000 people outside trying to get into this packed arena, we’d have about 200 people standing right there. O.K.? It’s so easy to be presidential. All I have to do is ‘Thank you very much for being here, ladies and gentlemen. It’s great to see you off — you’re great Americans. Thousand points of light.’ Which nobody has really figured out.”
.. In 1988, when Mr. Bush was seeking the presidency, Mr. Trump offered himself as a running mate. Mr. Bush never took the idea seriously, deeming it “strange and unbelievable,”
.. “I don’t know much about him, but I know he’s a blowhard. And I’m not too excited about him being a leader.” Rather than being motivated by public service, Mr. Bush said, Mr. Trump seemed to be driven by “a certain ego.”