Arthur Brooks and Simon Sinek discuss the key themes of Brooks’ book, Love Your Enemies, and outline a series of practical strategies for leaders in all areas of life who wish to subvert the culture of contempt and advance progress. Recorded March 10, 2019 at 92nd Street Y.
Our country is facing a crisis of moral leadership. From political polarization to falling private-sector dynamism, a lack of inspirational leadership is slowing our progress and making it more difficult to lift up the vulnerable. Bestselling authors Simon Sinek, TED Celebrity and Optimist, and Arthur Brooks, president of the American Enterprise Institute, are among the country’s foremost leadership experts. Together, they will share the advice they offer leading policymakers and executives, and explain why uncovering our “why” is the key to greater effectiveness and personal happiness.
now my name is Joni I’m thinking aboutyour comment or your wife’s comment atleast we know he he’s not cheating therestatistics data shows us the 70% ofstudents are cheating now parents arecheating they’re writing their papersthey’re editing their papers so much forthat parents are saying we we finishedour applications we did this we did thatthis issue of integrity I think whichcuts through the why yeah how do youapply the golden to issuesso for example if you’re running anorganization or I run a school and I seeintegrity as a driving issue yeah thatimpacts everything that this school isdoing and the leaders are not yeahfacing this how do you apply this toissues yeah you want to take a crackwell I want to hear what you have to saybut I think it’s actually worth pointingout that every single one of us can bemore honest give me more every singleone of us shades the truth all the timeand there are lots of reasons to do itone of these to protect ourselves fromharm one of the reasons that we do it isto get ahead and what it’s just to sayto protect your reputation and sometimesis to protect other’s feelings those arelike kind of the three canonical reasonsfor shading the truth right there’s alot of research on lying actually andlying is common and is becoming morecommon and particularly among youngpeople that we find the interesting andthe alarming thing as they tend tojustify lying as if they were protectingothers when in point of fact they areprotecting themselves so well here’swhat I recommended to all of us we’retalking about cheating but thinkingabout any dishonesty thinking aboutsomething where you’re bending the ruleswhen you’ve done that why did you dothat and be honest with yourself evenbefore you’re honest with others nevershade the truth to protect yourself andnow here’s the gist goal go an hourwithout doing it and then go a whole daywithout doing it and you’re gonna pay acost by the way you’re gonna pay a costwhen somebody asks you a difficultquestion and you don’t want to give theanswer and you pretend that you’reprotecting somebody’s feelings butyou’re actually trying to protectyourself and your own reputation but thedividends are huge with respect to yourown integrity because the smart personwho is more integrated is happier ismore joyful has clearer vision SimonSimon what do you think of my answer soit’s more about integrityit goes to finite an infinite rightwhich is which is I’m playing by finiterules my kid has to get into this schoolmy kid has to get this job my kid has toget this my kid has to get that and I’lldo whatever it takes to get them thereand that’s their playing by a plankthey’re living life and manage worsethey’re managing their kids lives basedon the finite rules and the problem isthere is no winning exactly and and thatwe have this twisted concept in howwe’re managing our lives and helping ourkids in terms of wins and losses theshort term it’s the short term and andand we said it’s pervasive it’s beenbuilding and building since the 80s and90s is pervasive to the point now it’saffecting parenting exactly so so so sobye so if somebody learns leadership atwork right and I did we I’m actually nota business guy but but like during theGreat Depression the unemployment ratewas 25% during the last recession it was9 or 10 right good stable unemploymentis 4 4 so what I hear is even when 25percent I don’t have jobs 75 percent doso if you want to get two people getthem at work and it’s too hard to go toeverybody’s home and say let’s learnleadership but if I can get companies toteach leadership lots of people who workin companies are parents and you learnskills like conflict resolution youweren’t you learn things like effectivecommunication you learn things likeeffective confrontationthese are all skills that are parentingskills so the belief is that if we buildleaders in the most efficient waypossible which is at work they becomebetter parents that’s the belief we’renot teaching leadership at all there’s abook that just came out called the endof loyalty where companies are no longerloyal to people and people are no longerloyal to companies everything is aboutshort term short term short term andunfortunately that mentality nowpervades parenting so we have to do thehard work we’ve probably lost ageneration but we have to do the hardwork of going back to what– to be a parent which doesn’t meannecessarily helping your kid get the jobat any expense or get into the school atany cost we’ve run out of our formaltime but she’s gonna be outside isactually yeah because your babysitter ishas to leave we go a little but we can’ttell you what we’re gonna do we’re goingto retire to the festival but I want todo one thing before we do I want to sumup I want to sum up three big lessonsthat we’ve learned here from talking toSimon okay number one lesson number one
In this in-depth talk, ethnographer and leadership expert Simon Sinek reveals the hidden dynamics that inspire leadership and trust. In biological terms, leaders get the first pick of food and other spoils, but at a cost. When danger is present, the group expects the leader to mitigate all threats even at the expense of their personal well-being. Understanding this deep-seated expectation is the key difference between someone who is just an “authority” versus a true “leader.”
Who would risk their lives for others so that they may survive?
I asked Johnny Bravo, why would you risk your life so that others may survive.
Because they would have done it for me.
In the military, we give medals to people who are willing to sacrifice themselves so they other may gain.
In business we give bonuses to people who are willing to sacrifice others so that we many gain.
We have it backwards.
Leadership (Alpha) comes at a cost. You see, we expect when danger threatens us from the outside.. we expect them to run towards the danger to protect us. This is what it means to be a leader. The cost of leadership is self-interest. If your not willing to give up your perks when it matters, then you probably shouldn’t be promoted. ..
.. Leadership comes at a cost. You don’t get to do less work. You have to do more work. And the more work you have to do is put yourself at risk to look out for others.
That is the anthropological definition of what a leader is.
This is why we’re so offended by these banker boys who pay themselves astronomical salaries. It has nothing to do with the number.
It has to do with the fact that they have violated a deep-seated social contract.
We know that they made all that money and allowed their people to be sacrificed.
In fact they may have sacrificed their people for the money.
If I told you that we’re going to give 150 million to Nelson Mandela would anyone have a problem with that? Nope. $250 million to mother Teresa, got an issue with it?
Its not the number.
We are deeply and viscerally offended that we allowed them to have this alpha position and they did not fulfill the responsibility of the alpha. They are supposed to sacrifice themselves for us, never sacrifice us for themselves.. This is why we are angry and offended and don’t trust them. They fail.
Trust and cooperation are not standard in our organizations and yet we know they should be. There are two attributes that every single leader has the opportunity to possess that will help them create the types of organizations we would be proud to call our own. Those two attributes are EMPATHY & PERSPECTIVE.
Maximizing shareholder value is like a coach prioritizing the fans over the players.