How To Stop Being A Scapegoat and Stop Being Scapegoated

Are you the scapegoat in your social group? Were you considered the problem child growing up? Are you constantly blamed for family problems? Blame and Shame are the primary aspects of scapegoating. In this episode, Teal Swan explains that what most people don’t see is how the scapegoat perpetuates the blame in order to stay safe in social situations.

Let’s talk about Saul Alinsky, rules, and manipulation….

I’m a lifelong Democrat. The first time I ever heard of Saul Alinsky was from a conservative I worked with who was fearmongering about Obama and Hillary. I’ve yet to hear any Democrat today extol the virtues of Alinsky. He’s not exactly a major figure among the moderate or radical left. As you said, he’s basically just a boogeyman for conservatives.


I’ve talked with many of these “useful idiots” over the last decade or so. They throw out Propaganda at me, just like they did to Beau here. When I respond, explaining why what they’re saying isn’t true, lots of them get mad at me (lol). Some even throw out supposed insults to me (eg. liberal, socialist or even libtard!). When I hear these supposed insults, I know they’ve got nothing left to say.
As always, accusations from the right are 💯 confessions. My narcissist ex had the same modus operandi.
That was pretty hilarious. I’ve never read Alinsky, but as soon as the thing about poverty came up I started smiling, such a load of horsepoo xD
I’m glad you mentioned Newt Gingrich. From my vantage point here in SoFla, Newt is the ONLY person interested in Alinsky. References to Alinsky by others serve as Newt’s spoor, indicating that he was in the area recently.
Yup, control by fear, a favorite gop trick.

When narcissists lose their scapegoat



Everything you described was what my mother did to me…I am a 70 year old woman. She turned her venom on me through slandering me to our entire community, my children, anyone and everyone she came into contact with. Thanks to Dr. Ramani though I have come through this agony and now feel actual joy in living my life. It is never too late for recovery from this horrible abuse.


I was the scapegoat of my family. My father was the narcissist. I have four siblings and my mom. I wasn’t free of my dad until he passed away. As soon as he did a weight lifted off my shoulders and I could finally stand up to my siblings and mom. They absolutely did not know how to deal with me not being a punching bag and trash can for all their bs. I can now say I am truly happy and I’m working on healing the little girl in me that was so hurt as a child.


“No human being should ever have to be the psychological punching bag for another person. Or the pacifier. Or the regulator.” Healing to hear that affirmed with conviction. Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
I was a scapegoat that walked away three years ago, at age 56, from my malignant narcissistic monster / mother. I don’t know how I survived. I always thought I must have had the worst narcissistic mother out there until I started to watch these videos. Peace be to anyone else that walked away.
I was the scapegoat for my narcissistic father. As I got older, I kinda challenged him about it, but got told that ‘I had a chip on my shoulder’. At aged 7 or 8 I was bullied at school, but kept it to myself for fear of my father saying, ‘Well, you must have done something for them to be doing that to you’. I just felt so alone.
Commenting as a scapegoat daughter of a narcissistic mother. As soon as I was old enough to assert my independence and left, she immediately initiated a scathing smear campaign. I went no-contact with my mother as soon as I could get out, and now no one in my family reaches out to me anymore. She smeared my name to the rest of the family, inventing horrible deeds I’ve never done or grossly exaggerating any transgression she could find. I lost my entire family when I got out. That was the price she made me pay for losing power over me. There is always a price to be paid when the scapegoat stands up and says “no more.”
The thing about getting out completely (which happened to me) is that when I realized that in order to just be at peace in my life I had to just walk away. I knew that by walking away, because of all the slander that had been going on for years against me, I would basically prove to everyone that I was a “bad” person because my absence would validate all the ways the narcissist had negatively interpreted me to everyone around. Like “Oh you see, she left us in the dust, because she is selfish and does not give a f about anyone”. But I realized that the way I was thinking was also another trap set by the narcissist. If I stayed to fight for my true image, I would have to continue to suffer the constant devalue and the constant going out of my way to please the narcissist. But if I left, and gave up on fighting for my true image, then the narcissist would simply use my absence and silence to put whatever they wanted in people’s mind. I walked away for my own sanity. Because my peace was more valuable to me than caring what anyone who does not take the time to know me could care. And the humbling in my experience was basically acknowledging that yes, I was going to be interpreted negatively, because I was NOT going to be there to defend my image, but that is okay. Because if someone can blindly believe that I can possibly be a bad person without even giving me the chance to hear my side, then that means that’s someone I am better off not sharing my time with. To walk away successfully you have to be okay with being seen as a bad person, but most importantly you have not care, because YOU know who YOU are.

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How to Reject the Scapegoat Role

On your path of healing, do you find yourself going back to the role of scapegoat? A life where you are your first priority is meaningful and beautiful when you are on your healing journey. If you found yourself in the role of the family scapegoat very often, this is how to reject that role and take back your power in toxic situations. In this video, I discuss some of my tips on how you can do exactly this.