How To Outsmart A Narcissist The Right Way

We all would have loved to be able to outsmart a narcissist in the times when they are hurting us and when we are under siege from their malicious behaviour. But why doesn’t this seem to work? Why is it that many people don’t beat narcissists and in fact end up getting more abused when they try to?

 

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realized that this is a profound soul
contract and if we haven’t made the
unconscious conscious we will be showing
up in an unhealed in a childhood
container which means that we’re going
to be holding the narcissist responsible
for our wounds and we’re going to be
handing over a lot of fear and pain and
insecurity and neediness which hooks it
into the narcissist and into the whole
dynamic and we’re going to play out that
not winning getting our wounds smashed
more and more and more and more open to
get our attention to finally understand
that the narcissist is not the healer of
our wounds the narcissist is the
messenger of them because this is the
uncanny irony is that narcissus have the
most expert ability to find every
insecurity you’ve got every weak link
and target it with full intensity now is
that ironic
or is that actually really meant to be I
totally believe it’s really meant to be
because that’s what’s making our
unconscious wounds that were our normal
we were just bumping along in life with
them it brings them up in such a way
there’s no ignoring them so if we
understand that this is a soul contract
if we understand that the narcissus is
in our life exposing for us our
unconscious wounds to make them
conscious then what we’ll do is we’ll
stop holding the narcissus responsible
for them we’ll stop feeding the
narcissist with narcissistic supply
which is initially very very hard to do
because when our original deepest most
painful wounds are targeted and smashed
and they’re energized it’s very hard
to hook in and handover narcissistic
supply and fight back and be terrified
and incensed and devastated and all
those things but when we realize that
this is what’s playing out then even
though we are all of those things we
stop hooking into the narcissist and we
confront all of those things in our
bodies instead we saw partner we make it
all about that we heal we find those we
released some way up level them and then
when we do that we are freed from the
whole debacle and it’s such an irony is
that when we’re not realizing that we’re
in a soul contract with an aid and angel
in disguise and we’re holding them
responsible for our wounds we want to
outsmart them we’re going to try to
outsmart them but we never will we want
to get beaten up with our wounds more it
never works yet there are any years is
when we detach and we say you’re
actually the messenger just the catalyst
you’re the aid this is all about finally
being able to self partner and come home
in my own body and clean up my original
traumas from my childhood from my
ancestors from my beliefs from from the
screwy beliefs of humanity you know and
when I cannot level that it’s actually
not even about you and my ego is not
even invested at all because it’s not
about you there’s no ego in this is only
consciousness is only awakening and when
we fully stream into that consciousness
and awakening we defeat the narcissist
because there is no longer any fear or
pain or ego battle when we’re in their
arena in their vibration for a battle to
even take place we’ve up leveled to
another frequency here and another
emotional frequency another dimension
literally which doesn’t include egos
so they unravel and this is what happens
is the narcissist in your experience
will unravel come undone be defeated
simply because you’re up leveling and
transcending to another reality where
they can’t use any fear or pain against
you because we have to understand to
defeat a narcissist what is a narcissist
a narcissist is a false self and what is
a false self a false self is a
constructed image that’s not real that
needs energy outside of itself to exist
to operate it needs your fear pain and
attention and when you become self
partner to make it all about Europe
leveling you snap all of that off all of
that goes your healing any of the
original wounds that means that you were
hooked into a narcissist you leave it
all behind so the irony is when we
understand the soul contract we have no
need to outsmart and Isis as the only
need we had is to evolve ourselves and
then naturally organically we outsmart
the narcissist because we cut off all
connection so really hope that’s helped
and given you so much food for thought
about this and the truth of what plays
out with this so if you like my videos
and if they’re making sense to you I
would love you to like and comment and
share and subscribe to my channel and
also too if you want to get even a
deeper dive into this stuff you can

Brené Brown: Create True Belonging and Heal the World with Lewis Howes

Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation-Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past sixteen years studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy and is the author of three #1 New York Times bestsellers – The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, and Rising Strong. Her latest book, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and The Courage to Stand Alone, will be released Fall 2017. Brené’s TED talk – The Power of Vulnerability – is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world with over 30 million views. In addition to her research and writing, Brené is the Founder and CEO of BRAVE LEADERS INC – an organization that brings empirically based courage building programs to teams, leaders, entrepreneurs, change makers, and culture shifters. Brené lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband, Steve, and their children, Ellen and Charlie. M

http://brenebrown.com/ https://www.instagram.com/brenebrown/ https://twitter.com/brenebrown/

 

Richard Rohr: Traumatization of Spirituality

John of the Cross was invited by Teresa of Ávila (1515–1582) to join her in reforming the Carmelite Order by returning to a renewed fidelity to prayer, simplicity, and poverty. The priests of the order did not take kindly to the suggestion that they needed reform and demanded that John stop his involvement. John said that he would not stop because he discerned in his heart that God was calling him to continue with this work. The priests responded in a very harsh manner, capturing him and putting him in a small dark prison cell with little protection from the elements. John was imprisoned for nine months. During that time, on a number of occasions, he would be taken out of his cell, stripped to the waist, and whipped. 

John felt lost. It wasn’t just because of the severity of his imprisonment. This was the Church! The priests who were mistreating him were people he had emulated. John went through what we could call the traumatization of spirituality, which can be described as a kind of dark night of faith in which we lose experiential access to God’s sustaining presence in the midst of our struggles. [I, Richard, imagine many are going through a similar experience as we learn about the Catholic Church’s extensive cover-up of sexual abuse.]

Trauma is the experience of being powerless to establish a boundary between our self and that which is about to inflict, or is already inflicting, serious harm or even death. It is one of the most acute forms of suffering that a human being can know. It is the experience of imminent annihilation. And so, when your faith in God has been placed in the people who represent God’s presence in your life and those people betray you, you can feel that God has betrayed you. And it is in this dark night that we can learn from God how to find our way to a deeper experience and understanding of God’s sustaining presence, deeper than institutional structures and authority figures.

For John of the Cross, his suffering opened up onto something unexpected.  John discovered that although it was true that he could not find refuge from suffering when he was in his prison cell, he also discovered that the suffering he had to endure had no refuge from God’s love that could take the suffering away, but rather permeated the suffering through and through and through and through and through. Love protects us from nothing, even as it unexplainably sustains us in all things. Access to this love is not limited by our finite ideas of what it is or what it should be. Rather, this love overwhelms our abilities to comprehend it, as it so unexplainably sustains us and continues to draw us to itself in all that life might send our way.

This is why John of the Cross encourages us not to lose heart when we are passing through our own hardships, but rather to have faith in knowing and trusting that no matter what might be happening and no matter how painful it might be, God is sustaining us in ways we cannot and do not need to understand. John encourages us that in learning to be patiently transformed in this dark night we come to discover within ourselves, just when everything seems to be lost, that we are being unexplainably sustained by the presence of God that will never lose us. As this painful yet transformative process continues to play itself out in our lives, we can and will discover we are finding our way to the peace of God that surpasses understanding.

Richard Rohr: Transforming Pain

All healthy religion shows you what to do with your pain, with the absurd, the tragic, the nonsensical, the unjust and the undeserved—all of which eventually come into every lifetime. If only we could see these “wounds” as the way through, as Jesus did, then they would become sacred wounds rather than scars to deny, disguise, or project onto others. I am sorry to admit that I first see my wounds as an obstacle more than a gift. Healing is a long journey.

If we cannot find a way to make our wounds into sacred wounds, we invariably become cynical, negative, or bitter. This is the storyline of many of the greatest novels, myths, and stories of every culture. If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit itusually to those closest to us: our family, our neighbors, our co-workers, and, invariably, the most vulnerable, our children.

Scapegoating, exporting our unresolved hurt, is the most common storyline of human history. The Jesus Story is about radically transforming history and individuals so that we don’t just keep handing on the pain to the next generation. Unless we can find a meaning for human suffering, that God is somehow in it and can also use it for good, humanity is in major trouble. Because we will suffer. Even the Buddha said that suffering is part of the deal!

We shouldn’t try to get rid of our own pain until we’ve learned what it has to teach. When we can hold our pain consciously and trustfully (and not project it elsewhere), we find ourselves in a very special liminal space. Here we are open to learning and breaking through to a much deeper level of faith and consciousness. Please trust me on this. We must all carry the cross of our own reality until God transforms us through it. These are the wounded healers of the world, and healers who have fully faced their wounds are the only ones who heal anyone else.

As an example of holding the pain, picture Mary standing at the foot of the cross or, as in Michelangelo’s Pietà cradling Jesus’ body. One would expect her to take her role wailing or protesting, but she doesn’t! We must reflect on this deeply. Mary is in complete solidarity with the mystery of life and death. It’s as if she is saying, “There’s something deeper happening here. How can I absorb it just as Jesus is absorbing it, instead of returning it in kind?” Consider the analogy of energy circuits: Most of us are relay stations; only a minority are transformers—people who actually change the electrical charge that passes through us.

Jesus on the cross and Mary standing beneath the cross are classic images of transformative spirituality. They do not return the hostility, hatred, accusations, or malice directed at them. They hold the suffering until it becomes resurrection! That’s the core mystery of Christianity. It takes our whole life to begin to comprehend this. It tends to be the wisdom of elders, not youngers.

Unfortunately, our natural instinct is to try to fix pain, to control it, or even, foolishly, to try to understand it. The ego insists on understanding. That’s why Jesus praises a certain quality even more than love, and he calls it faith. It is the ability to stand in liminal space, to stand on the threshold, to hold the contraries, until we are moved by grace to a much deeper level and a much larger frame, where our private pain is not center stage but a mystery shared with every act of bloodshed and every tear wept since the beginning of time. Our pain is not just our own.