We all would have loved to be able to outsmart a narcissist in the times when they are hurting us and when we are under siege from their malicious behaviour. But why doesn’t this seem to work? Why is it that many people don’t beat narcissists and in fact end up getting more abused when they try to?
06:44realized that this is a profound soulcontract and if we haven’t made theunconscious conscious we will be showingup in an unhealed in a childhoodcontainer which means that we’re goingto be holding the narcissist responsiblefor our wounds and we’re going to behanding over a lot of fear and pain andinsecurity and neediness which hooks itinto the narcissist and into the wholedynamic and we’re going to play out thatnot winning getting our wounds smashedmore and more and more and more open toget our attention to finally understandthat the narcissist is not the healer ofour wounds the narcissist is themessenger of them because this is theuncanny irony is that narcissus have themost expert ability to find everyinsecurity you’ve got every weak linkand target it with full intensity now isthat ironicor is that actually really meant to be Itotally believe it’s really meant to bebecause that’s what’s making ourunconscious wounds that were our normalwe were just bumping along in life withthem it brings them up in such a waythere’s no ignoring them so if weunderstand that this is a soul contractif we understand that the narcissus isin our life exposing for us ourunconscious wounds to make themconscious then what we’ll do is we’llstop holding the narcissus responsiblefor them we’ll stop feeding thenarcissist with narcissistic supplywhich is initially very very hard to dobecause when our original deepest mostpainful wounds are targeted and smashedand they’re energized it’s very hardto hook in and handover narcissisticsupply and fight back and be terrifiedand incensed and devastated and allthose things but when we realize thatthis is what’s playing out then eventhough we are all of those things westop hooking into the narcissist and weconfront all of those things in ourbodies instead we saw partner we make itall about that we heal we find those wereleased some way up level them and thenwhen we do that we are freed from thewhole debacle and it’s such an irony isthat when we’re not realizing that we’rein a soul contract with an aid and angelin disguise and we’re holding themresponsible for our wounds we want tooutsmart them we’re going to try tooutsmart them but we never will we wantto get beaten up with our wounds more itnever works yet there are any years iswhen we detach and we say you’reactually the messenger just the catalystyou’re the aid this is all about finallybeing able to self partner and come homein my own body and clean up my originaltraumas from my childhood from myancestors from my beliefs from from thescrewy beliefs of humanity you know andwhen I cannot level that it’s actuallynot even about you and my ego is noteven invested at all because it’s notabout you there’s no ego in this is onlyconsciousness is only awakening and whenwe fully stream into that consciousnessand awakening we defeat the narcissistbecause there is no longer any fear orpain or ego battle when we’re in theirarena in their vibration for a battle toeven take place we’ve up leveled toanother frequency here and anotheremotional frequency another dimensionliterally which doesn’t include egosso they unravel and this is what happensis the narcissist in your experiencewill unravel come undone be defeatedsimply because you’re up leveling andtranscending to another reality wherethey can’t use any fear or pain againstyou because we have to understand todefeat a narcissist what is a narcissista narcissist is a false self and what isa false self a false self is aconstructed image that’s not real thatneeds energy outside of itself to existto operate it needs your fear pain andattention and when you become selfpartner to make it all about Europeleveling you snap all of that off all ofthat goes your healing any of theoriginal wounds that means that you werehooked into a narcissist you leave itall behind so the irony is when weunderstand the soul contract we have noneed to outsmart and Isis as the onlyneed we had is to evolve ourselves andthen naturally organically we outsmartthe narcissist because we cut off allconnection so really hope that’s helpedand given you so much food for thoughtabout this and the truth of what playsout with this so if you like my videosand if they’re making sense to you Iwould love you to like and comment andshare and subscribe to my channel andalso too if you want to get even adeeper dive into this stuff you can
Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation-Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past sixteen years studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy and is the author of three #1 New York Times bestsellers – The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, and Rising Strong. Her latest book, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and The Courage to Stand Alone, will be released Fall 2017. Brené’s TED talk – The Power of Vulnerability – is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world with over 30 million views. In addition to her research and writing, Brené is the Founder and CEO of BRAVE LEADERS INC – an organization that brings empirically based courage building programs to teams, leaders, entrepreneurs, change makers, and culture shifters. Brené lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband, Steve, and their children, Ellen and Charlie. M
John of the Cross was invited by Teresa of Ávila (1515–1582) to join her in reforming the Carmelite Order by returning to a renewed fidelity to prayer, simplicity, and poverty. The priests of the order did not take kindly to the suggestion that they needed reform and demanded that John stop his involvement. John said that he would not stop because he discerned in his heart that God was calling him to continue with this work. The priests responded in a very harsh manner, capturing him and putting him in a small dark prison cell with little protection from the elements. John was imprisoned for nine months. During that time, on a number of occasions, he would be taken out of his cell, stripped to the waist, and whipped.
John felt lost. It wasn’t just because of the severity of his imprisonment. This was the Church! The priests who were mistreating him were people he had emulated. John went through what we could call the traumatization of spirituality, which can be described as a kind of dark night of faith in which we lose experiential access to God’s sustaining presence in the midst of our struggles. [I, Richard, imagine many are going through a similar experience as we learn about the Catholic Church’s extensive cover-up of sexual abuse.]
Trauma is the experience of being powerless to establish a boundary between our self and that which is about to inflict, or is already inflicting, serious harm or even death. It is one of the most acute forms of suffering that a human being can know. It is the experience of imminent annihilation. And so, when your faith in God has been placed in the people who represent God’s presence in your life and those people betray you, you can feel that God has betrayed you. And it is in this dark night that we can learn from God how to find our way to a deeper experience and understanding of God’s sustaining presence, deeper than institutional structures and authority figures.
For John of the Cross, his suffering opened up onto something unexpected. John discovered that although it was true that he could not find refuge from suffering when he was in his prison cell, he also discovered that the suffering he had to endure had no refuge from God’s love that could take the suffering away, but rather permeated the suffering through and through and through and through and through. Love protects us from nothing, even as it unexplainably sustains us in all things. Access to this love is not limited by our finite ideas of what it is or what it should be. Rather, this love overwhelms our abilities to comprehend it, as it so unexplainably sustains us and continues to draw us to itself in all that life might send our way.
This is why John of the Cross encourages us not to lose heart when we are passing through our own hardships, but rather to have faith in knowing and trusting that no matter what might be happening and no matter how painful it might be, God is sustaining us in ways we cannot and do not need to understand. John encourages us that in learning to be patiently transformed in this dark night we come to discover within ourselves, just when everything seems to be lost, that we are being unexplainably sustained by the presence of God that will never lose us. As this painful yet transformative process continues to play itself out in our lives, we can and will discover we are finding our way to the peace of God that surpasses understanding.
All healthy religion shows you what to do with your pain, with the absurd, the tragic, the nonsensical, the unjust and the undeserved—all of which eventually come into every lifetime. If only we could see these “wounds” as the way through, as Jesus did, then they would become sacred wounds rather than scars to deny, disguise, or project onto others. I am sorry to admit that I first see my wounds as an obstacle more than a gift. Healing is a long journey.
If we cannot find a way to make our wounds into sacred wounds, we invariably become cynical, negative, or bitter. This is the storyline of many of the greatest novels, myths, and stories of every culture. If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it—usually to those closest to us: our family, our neighbors, our co-workers, and, invariably, the most vulnerable, our children.
Scapegoating, exporting our unresolved hurt, is the most common storyline of human history. The Jesus Story is about radically transforming history and individuals so that we don’t just keep handing on the pain to the next generation. Unless we can find a meaning for human suffering, that God is somehow in it and can also use it for good, humanity is in major trouble. Because we will suffer. Even the Buddha said that suffering is part of the deal!
We shouldn’t try to get rid of our own pain until we’ve learned what it has to teach. When we can hold our pain consciously and trustfully (and not project it elsewhere), we find ourselves in a very special liminal space. Here we are open to learning and breaking through to a much deeper level of faith and consciousness. Please trust me on this. We must all carry the cross of our own reality until God transforms us through it. These are the wounded healers of the world, and healers who have fully faced their wounds are the only ones who heal anyone else.
As an example of holding the pain, picture Mary standing at the foot of the cross or, as in Michelangelo’s Pietà cradling Jesus’ body. One would expect her to take her role wailing or protesting, but she doesn’t! We must reflect on this deeply. Mary is in complete solidarity with the mystery of life and death. It’s as if she is saying, “There’s something deeper happening here. How can I absorb it just as Jesus is absorbing it, instead of returning it in kind?” Consider the analogy of energy circuits: Most of us are relay stations; only a minority are transformers—people who actually change the electrical charge that passes through us.
Jesus on the cross and Mary standing beneath the cross are classic images of transformative spirituality. They do not return the hostility, hatred, accusations, or malice directed at them. They hold the suffering until it becomes resurrection! That’s the core mystery of Christianity. It takes our whole life to begin to comprehend this. It tends to be the wisdom of elders, not youngers.
Unfortunately, our natural instinct is to try to fix pain, to control it, or even, foolishly, to try to understand it. The ego insists on understanding. That’s why Jesus praises a certain quality even more than love, and he calls it faith. It is the ability to stand in liminal space, to stand on the threshold, to hold the contraries, until we are moved by grace to a much deeper level and a much larger frame, where our private pain is not center stage but a mystery shared with every act of bloodshed and every tear wept since the beginning of time. Our pain is not just our own.