Robert Torbay
A narcissist would fear you if you were able to cause them a great amount of shame.
Despite what the no contacters say, this is not the ultimate way to hurt a narcissist. If you go no contact, they have many avenues to salvage their precious image – for starters they have already smeared you as worthless and crazy. If you however are able to dumpster their image in a very public way, this causes the narcissist incredible anguish.
You see, narcissism is a defence against shame.
At some point in the development of the narcissist, the young child decides that no matter what, they would never feel shame again, not for a minute, not for a second. They would do whatever they could, no matter the cost to themselves or others, to outsource their shame.
An impossible mission.
They do this by using all the procedures you’re very familiar with – gaslighting, silent treatments, word salads, rage, blame shifting and so on.
If you are able to break through the narcissist’s defences – to psychically tar and feather them, mark them as a pariah to all who know them, you will force them to feel shame for which they would have no defence. You are essentially pinning them down and pouring it all over them, like acid onto third degree burns.
By doing this, you have overwhelmed all their defences, there is no way they can explain to so many people at once whatever it is you have done to their image. The way they look at the narcissist has changed – gone is the adoration, the respect, the worship, it is replaced by disgust, repulsion, derision.
Here is where they lose it, become utterly insane and act in the most shameless ways possible.
They become, as esteemed Dr Vaknin has pointed out many, many times, Secondary Psychopaths.
This is what lurks underneath the mask of sanity, somebody totally crazy, deranged, a shameful lunatic.
Horribly embarrassing to be exposed for what they are, and if you have the power to do this to them, to utterly invert their grandiosity, of course they will fear you. No contact would only fell the most weakened, supply hungry of narcissists.
Shame is their kryptonite,
Robert