What exactly does a narcissist want in a relationship?

There are the things the narcissist KNOWS they want and there are the things they SUBCONSCIOUSLY want.

What the narcissist KNOWS they want

  • Elevation of their status – Being with someone bright, attractive, successful, wealthy, connected, funny, or talented makes them higher value than they feel on their own.
  • Resources – They want access to financial or other resources they otherwise don’t have.
  • Loyalty – They expect you to confirm their story when you know they’re lying, to eliminate relationships with friends and exes, to put them before everything.
  • Respect for their Boundaries – They expect you to not look at their phone, their desk, their computer or anything else they don’t want you to see. They expect you to not talk when they are watching TV or not talk to others by phone when they’re home.
  • Unconditional Trust – They expect you to not ask too many questions and to blindly believe their ridiculous stories.
  • To Be Right Always – They sometimes even say it. “I’m right. Don’t you agree?” or “If only you were educated on this subject, you would agree with me.”
  • To Win at Everything – Whether it’s closing a tough client or beating a 5-year-old grandson at Tic-Tac-Toe, they want to win at everything.
  • Compliance – They expect you to not rock the boat, to shut up and do what you’re told, from cleaning to sex to not challenging their obvious lies.
  • Power and Control – Much like winning, they want to be in control. A covert narcissist may want to make it look like you are in control, but they want to be the puppetmaster.

What the narcissist SUBCONSCIOUSLY wants

Regulation of their emotions – They are unable to regulate their own emotions. Their dysregulation results in plummeting self-esteem and an extraordinary amount of shame. They expect you to prevent this from every happening. And if they feel low self-esteem and shame, regardless of reason, it is your fault.

Narcissistic Supply – Like blood to a vampire, they require supply for survival. They will do anything to get it.

Attention – They want to be the center of attention, be it through success, a gorgeous date, the car everyone is talking about, self-deprecating stories, or having yet another talk about their hurtful behavior. Positive or negative doesn’t matter. Attention is attention.

Validation – They want confirmation that their thoughts, words, and actions are correct. They want your approval. They want to feel that they are okay.

Admiration and Praise – They want you to see them as unique, special, and a catch.

Confirmation of Their False Reality – They want you confirm this reality to them and to the world. This validates the false narrative they’ve crafted since childhood.

Above all else, the narcissist wants you to see them as the person they wish to be.

How Narcissists Test Their Victims

How narcissists test their victims
Do you feel like you’re being tested by that narcissist in your life? If you’re wondering how narcissists figure out if you are a good source of supply and what they look for, this video will give you the answers. Watch this video to find out how to beat the narcissist and take back control by learning what traits they are look for in their victims, and how not to give them what they want.

🎓What you’ll learn in the webinar:
The 3 empowering secrets you need to take back control when communicating with narcissists.
​How to develop a winning, foolproof strategy to drive the outcome you want out of negotiations with narcissists.
How to be more powerful, persuasive and confident when negotiating with narcs.
What to say in negotiation and how to say it so that you can beat narcs at their own game!
How to anticipate what the narcissist will do and be two steps ahead of them at all times.

About Rebecca Zung:
✅Rebecca Zung is one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the nation, having been recognized by U.S. News & World Report as a “Best Lawyer in America”, as “Legal Elite” by Trend Magazine, and recognized by her peers and the judiciary as AV(c), preeminent rated in family law, the highest possible rating for an attorney by Martindale Hubbell.

✅But her journey wasn’t always easy. She got married at 19, had 3 children and divorced at the age of 23. She was a divorced single mom when she decided to go back to law school. She went from being a single mom, college dropout, to becoming one the most powerful lawyers in the country at the helm of a multi-million dollar practice. She is now committed to sharing her secrets and empowering others to live their lives at their optimum level of success, professionally and personally.

✅She is the author of the bestselling books, Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R.: The Sure Fire Method to Step Up and Win and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide for Achieving Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual Freedom, and is a sought after major media contributor.

✅She has been featured in Extra, Forbes, Huffington Post, Newsweek, Time, Dr. Drew, NPR Talk Radio, Good Day New York and CBS Los Angeles among others. She is the host of the popular show Negotiate Your Best Life™ which is available on YouTube and as a Top Podcast. She is also a frequent keynote speaker.