Ever wonder why INTJs are considered anti-social or sociopathic personalities? Watch them not “give a crap” about your machinations.
It isn’t impossible to “guilt trip” an INTJ but many of us see it for the emotional manipulation it is and we resort to one of our personality traits that people really can’t cope with: ice-cold indifference.
That will usually be followed by distancing to outright removal from one’s life the source of the guilt trip. Up to and including family. If we choose to not go along, accept it. Laying a guilt trip for the purpose of achieving your desired compliance often results in the exact opposite effect. Not only do you not get what you seek, we’ll call you out or cut you out to prevent any future attempts.
One of our greatest traits, our loyalty, is counterbalanced by the fact that, when push comes to shove, we will detach ourselves from a no-win situation so fast it will leave you wondering what happened. It isn’t hate. It is just “do not care”. Your protests and attempts become water off a duck’s back. Immaterial. Persist and we’ll tell you to fuck right off. Maybe tactfully. Maybe not. Either way, you won’t succeed.
There’s a reason we don’t play politics well. We see right through it and really can’t be bothered to “play the game”. Guilt tripping is just another mind game that doesn’t interest us at best and offends us at worst.
Try it once and I’ll ignore it. Try it twice and I will make sure you don’t try it again.
Not only is it always obvious, distasteful, manipulative, disingenuous, unintelligent, and displaying poor tact, as someone who was raised with fundamentalist religion that made guilt tripping a part of its MO, it is a fantastic way to guarantee I will lose respect for you or potentially get angry. The Flying Spaghetti Monster forbid you try to guilt trip me according to some arbitrary religious inclination. On top of that, guilt tripping is a form of weakness. It shows you have no more cards to play other than pathetic cheap shots leveraging some power other than your own mind.
What is almost worse than guilt tripping, however, is when a person tries to paint you as an asshole for refusing to give in to their guilt trip and tries to manipulate group dynamics against you. I’ve had times where I refused to give in and someone else is like, “Come on man, you hurt their feelings. Just do it/don’t do it this once.” No. Flat out no. Do not reward bad behavior. You wouldn’t give a dog a treat for shitting on the carpet. Don’t reward someone for shitting on their own self respect and wasting my time.
Try to guilt trip me, and my emotions (including any sense of guilt I might normally have felt) go into complete shutdown. Other people do not get to manipulate my emotions. I do not allow them that access, and I immediately think less of them for attempting it.
Once an attempt has been made, I take great pride and pleasure in completely blocking the person, not giving them anything even remotely resembling the response they hoped for, and presenting as completely unruffled. It drives them CRAZY, and it’s deeply satisfying.
The second I get any sense of emotional manipulation is the second you’ve lost me. Even if the rest of your argument has a good logical structure- I have tuned you out.
In my view, the only people who resort to guilt tripping are either making a power play or have something morally deficient to hide.
“Ally! How are you doing since the breakup?”
“Oh! That was a while ago. I’m doing great!”
“Are you? I know these things take time to get over. And that’s okay. You don’t want to rush yourself.”
“Not at all. It was for the best.”
“OK. Because you know Danny is seeing someone else now.”
“Yes. He told me.”
“OK, because people are worried about you. I thought you deserved to know.”
“I know and I’m fine with it. I’m seeing someone also!”
“Wow, that was quick. Does he know you just got out of a relationship?”
“Do you want some caramel cheesecake?”
“No, thank you! I’m full and I’m trying to cut back on dessert.”
“Ice cream? Chocolate mousse?”
“Really, I can’t.”
“You can have dessert every now and then!”
“I’ve already eaten dessert this week. I have goals, so no.”
“Well, it looks like you’ve already lost weight.”
“Maybe two or three pounds.”
“You don’t want to get too thin and frail looking. Being underweight is unhealthy too. I’m a little worried about you.”
“I am in no danger of becoming underweight.”
“OK. Just don’t deprive yourself. It’s no fun being thin if you’re miserable.”
“You coming to happy hour?”
“Sorry, I can’t. Big deadline at work.”
“You can’t spend one night out?”
“Not right now. I don’t want to lose momentum.”
“You don’t want to become one of those people who ‘lives to work.’ I’m worried about you. Remember your company doesn’t care about you. If you died, they’d replace you tomorrow!”
“They pay me well, actually, and my name is on this product. So this is important for them and me.”
“OK. Well, you seem really tired. We just don’t want you to work yourself to death…”
“People are worried about you. It seems like all you do is work.”
“We just went out last week!”
“OK, just don’t let them take advantage of you.”
Concern trolling. When you’re failing at everything, the idea of your friend succeeding is unbearable. So try to destabilize her and make her second-guess her confidence.
Convince her that her situation is far worse than she believes and she’s the only one who doesn’t see it—and do it under the pretense that you’re protecting her best interests.
- Goal oriented.
Narcissists won’t stop at nothing and wouldn’t give destroying or betraying anyone, a second thought.
For high functioning narcissists, that can lead to being a successful, albeit remorseless and calculating, person.
Like a cunning salesman/woman.
For low functioning narcissists, that can land them in prison.
COME. THE POLICE OFFICER WILL ACCUSE YOU
OF THE CRIME CONFIDENTLY, UNWAVERINGLY, AND
REPEATEDLY. THEY WOULD SAY THINGS LIKE — WE
KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOU DID IT, I JUST
WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHY! AND YOU WILL NOT
BE ALLOWED TO DENY THINGS. THE POLICE
OFFICER WILL INTERRUPT ALL YOUR DENIALS.
THEY WOULD DISMISS YOUR DENAILS AS
IMPOSSIBLE AND CONTRADICTORY TO THE
FACTS OF THE CASE. ESSENTIALLY, THEY WILL
NOT ALLOW YOU TO EFFECTIVELY VERBALIZE
ANY COHERENT DENIALS OR DEFENSE. THEY WILL SAY
THINGS LIKE — STOP DENYING IT! STOP
LISTEN TO ME! LISTEN TO ME NOW! I WILL
GIVE YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO TALK IN JUST
A MOMENT, BUT RIGHT NOW, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT
THAT YOU LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY!
WHY DO THEY SAY THAT? WHY DO THEY TELL
YOU THAT YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEM? IT
IS NOT BECAUSE THEY HAVE SOMETHING
TERRIBLY IMPORTANT TO SAY. RATHER, IT IS
BECAUSE THE POLICE INTERROGATION
TECHNIQUE INDICATES THAT THE SUSPECT
SHOULD NOT HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO
VERBALIZE DENIALS. NEXT: FALSE EVIDENCE
PLOYS. THE POLICE OFFICER WILL CONFRONT
YOU WITH EVIDENCE AGAINST YOU, SOMETIMES
REAL EVIDENCE, SOMETIMES FABRICATED
EVIDENCE — KNOWN AS A FALSE EVIDENCE PLOY.
THEY WILL SAY THAT THEY HAVE
YOUR FINGERPRINTS, OR THEY’VE GOT YOUR DNA, OR THEY
HAVE EYEWITNESS TESTIMONIES, OR THEY HAVE
As as a former cop I believe many innocent people have been brainwashed into making false confessions and punished with the approval of the DA, Judge and Police chief. This is what all good cops should fight to prevent. We should work as hard to exonerate innocent person as to convict a guilty one. The objective is to do a good job without, remorse, doubt and guilt.
I was once a prime suspect in a $11K petty cash theft at my workplace. Interrogation went down EXACTLY the way described here. As the innocent party, my mistake was expecting that me agreeing to be interviewed at the station, which bait and switched to interrogated, was going to help them with their investigation. instead they spent 5 hrs trying to get a confession. Until you’ve lived it, you cant relate to how scary and stressful it is when you’re innocent.after once or twice it can be enjoyable. just tell the cops to hurry up cause you are heading over to their house to investigate a possible crime when you leave.@Ronald Agyemang You don’t ALLOW them to interrogate you. You don’t say but one thing, “I want a lawyer.” And you keep saying it a thousand times if you have to do so. If you don’t have the money to hire an attorney they HAVE to provide you with one. That is your right under the Constitution of the United States. Good luck.It’s stressful yes. I understand. Once you keep your mouth shut and don’t get into any dialogue it’s better. Switch the questions on them. If they ask, what would you normally do after work. Ask them well what would you normally do. And repeat. No dialogue, no report building.It’s alarming that often they are more interested in closing the case than finding out who is actually guilty. Especially in a murder investigation.There appears to be a pattern that vulnerable people are charged with crimes, because it’s easier to get confessions. The police do not appear to be particularly interested in finding the real criminal as long as they have a victim to blame it on.