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I’ll start with the weaknesses because those can be staggering. Inability to trust without knowing a person really, really well is a big one. I might trust a person with my life and my wallet and bank account before I trust that person with my heart. This can be a serious problem in therapy but if you want to get close to an INTJ you need to understand this very important difference.

Part of the reason for this distrust is that:

1. INTJ’s feelings are so sensitive and they don’t like getting hurt any more than anyone else. Yet they do get hurt really deeply so easily.
2. navigating relationships is like walking into a forest blind. INTJ’s know that one wrong step is going to get them hurt badly but they haven’t a clue how to prevent it.

As for strength, their biggest strength in relationships is loyalty to those who do finally prove themselves trustworthy and earn their trust. I read that all the time. Not that the INTJ is likely to make a verbal statement that “You have earned my trust.” However, if they express disappointment in you, you can be pretty sure you made it into the inner circle or very close to it. Otherwise, they would not bother; they’d just decide, “This person isn’t worth my time and effort,” and move on, ignoring you.

The expression of disappointment is an effort to solve a problem, and most of all, to save the relationship. If you want better methods of solving relationship problems you may have to coach us in the exact method you prefer. But don’t do the coaching on the spot before you’re back in this person’s good graces. Remember those sensitive feelings that are shown only to you and a select few other trusted individuals.