Oh, God. It’s AWFUL, like not being yourself. I can tell you what happened to me a few years ago.
I started university and I immediately had the impression that that new stage of my life I was in for was way more complicated than it looked. Totally overwhelming. I was anxious, I didn’t manage to sleep at all, all I wanted to do was to cry and stay in bed, I ended up being depressed. And my colleagues seemed to fit perfectly and go with the flow, which worsened my feeling of loneliness and being awkward and useless. Things happened a lot faster than I could react and adapt to my new environment. I think this outcome is the plight of always overthinking. So I couldn’t stand it and quitted thinking. It was no use. Then I wanted to do all I never did: live in the moment. I arrived home everyday and spent the rest of the day watching a TV series I had already watched countless times. Again and again and again. I knew I wasn’t studying but I didn’t care. I did care afterwards. I regretted not having been more aware of my impulsive actions. It’s not that I didn’t want to, it’s that I simply couldn’t. At some point, I had lost control of the situation. I wasn’t my true self. Moral of the story? Go to see a therapist when needed. I had to do it.