For the most part, and in my experience, when an INTJ is in serious communication with you, you can take what is said at face value. Duplicity is generally not a trait I find in at least the INTJ types I have known. Yes, they may joke, they may be discreet in their choice of words when communication something unflattering, but duplicitous, I have not generally seen.
If an INTJ tells you in candor something like this, he means it and means it to be taken at face value. He is saying he’s not going to make promises he does not know he is not certain he can keep. And he is not going to make them, just to be in a relationship with you for his own gratification.
When it comes to romantic relationship with an INTJ, think of them as naïve gentlemen. Not naïve as in foolish — oh no. They are quite intelligent. But they will not make a commitment on their feelings. How can they? They don’t trust feelings. They have not trusted feeling their whole lives. That’s what makes them xNTJ. And where the ENTJ can be more in the moment and go with the flow and then disappoint, the INTJ can’t.
Now because he wants to communicate with you, he does want a relationship or something from you. But that does not mean he’s going to make promises which he is not certain that he can keep or willing to keep. He himself may not know because he would be acting on feeling.
It’s is a trait of INTJ that comes from xxTJ. They are not willing to commit on their feelings. Oh they have them and very deeply, but they don’t have the “experience” to know themselves and their feelings. And the constancy of those feelings or the fervor of those feelings. It’s like asking a digital computer to calculate an analog answer. It can approximate, but it’s not the same. Feelings are irrational and the xxTJ is extraordinarily rationally, irrational about feelings. He thinks they can be discounted. They can’t!!!
So he will not act on or will be hesitant to act on irrational feelings. It is contrary to his self image. But feelings are irrational — by their very nature. He even has them. The can run deep. Yet in his calculus of behavior, he chooses rational which to him is not to act on feelings even though he has them. He over thinks. He over analyzes. There is no over analyzing feelings. That is the inner conflict and all you can do is make a choice: accept, decline, or be patient.
So you have to decide if you want a relationship. If not, send him packing, but be gentle. In my experience, when you leave an INTJ the hurt is deep. They don’t bounce back like the Exxx do.
My advice, be patient. Leave the channels of communication open. And tell him truth. If you willing to be patient for a few months, then tell him. If you ready to move on, tell him. Be honest. Not as some ultimatum — but honestly ask yourself what you want and tell him. Because that is what he has done. He has put his cards on the table. You have to do the same.