I’m just going to write a post I made on my Tumblr blog. These are only the struggles though. I’ll put up the pros of being an INTJ later:
20 Struggles of an INTJ
1. We hardly enjoy mainstream movies because we successfully predict the rest of the movie as we go on watching it. We get an urge to say “I told you this would happen!” every time something we predicted happens. But we have to shut up because it’s pissing people off.
2. We always end up finding different solutions to curb the chaos and confusion we encounter in daily life. Then we go on a tirade about how it can be improved/avoided but even after having all the right ideas, we can’t do shit about it, and that’s really irritating.
3. We vanish off the face of the Earth for 10 hours straight, not even realizing it. When all our friends later ask us where we went, we’re not able to explain that we got busy doing/reading something interesting, and didn’t feel like being disturbed.
4. Our extrovert friends don’t understand why we can’t go out everyday. It’s mentally draining. I need some time by myself to relax, and think, and then mentally prepare for the next outing.
5. When we state our extremely free thinking opinion about something and watch people’s mouths drop. Like no, there’s nothing wrong with the way I think. Y’all are too wrapped up in the mainstream culture to look beyond it.
6. We tend to block out external sounds, and that’s great when we need to get some work done, but it’s not great when there’s a person standing next to us, talking on and on about something (or even on the phone) and we have no idea what they said because we were busy thinking.
7. Our mouth really needs a ‘harsh and cruel things’ filter because we’re just trying to be straightforward and honest but more often than not we just end up saying the bitter truths the other person doesn’t want to hear. Sometimes I know I’m being harsh and I should maybe not be that honest, but I can’t stop it.
8. As much as we love to debate and argue, there’s always the possibility that we’ll lose an argument, and there’s nothing more vexing (unless our logic is faulty, in which case it’s okay. But our logic is almost never wrong, so losing in that case hurts our ego.)
9. When talking to one of our acquaintances, we have to keep in check the information we reveal that we know about that person. So that we don’t appear to be stalkers, when in reality we’re just really observant and remember tiny things about people (Also, we might have gone through their Facebook page once or twice.)
10. We despise group projects. Not only will we have to work with comparatively inefficient people, their skills and hard work will affect our success (what a nightmare!) The only way we’re going to be even remotely comfortable with this group thing is if everyone listens to us and tries to follow the proper steps that will cause the work to finish on time and in an efficient manner.
11. If suddenly something captures our attention, we just have to know each and everything about it. It often leads to us not doing other things that require our attention more. Same goes with puzzles or problems that involve calculation. We don’t let go until we’ve solved it, and our methods are almost always different from the mainstream methods, so it pisses us off even more when it doesn’t seem to work.
12. It’s difficult for us to digest compliments and react to them. Like if someone says we’re “cute” or “smart”, we resist the urge to say “I know”, because we do. We are self confident individuals who know our strengths and weaknesses. Plus, we’ve been told that so often that saying “thank you” again and again has become tiresome.
13. Our flirting style is an awkward mix of subtle compliments and sarcastic good humored insults. It’s kinda different from mainstream flirting which is why our crushes never realize that we genuinely like them.
14. We can’t take it when someone does something very slowly (unless performing that action in a slow manner would improve the quality of the work.) Nothing is more excrutiating than sitting beside someone, seeing them struggle as they slowly do whatever has to be done. We resist the urge to push them off and do it in their place (Sorry, Te function makes us that way.)
15. Whenever we end up in a situation where logic defies us and feelings take over, there’s at least one moment when we go completely bonkers and try to get rid of those feelings (”Nope, nope, nope. Feelings? Nope.”) It’s terrifying yet exciting at the same time.
16. Wanting to kill people on a daily basis (don’t even deny it) because they act dumb, foolish, incompetent or plain annoying.
17. Having to deal with small talk. Like no, I don’t want you to ask me how my day was. I don’t want to ask you how your day was. I want to question the existence of humanity and discuss the mysteries of this world (and conspiracy theories! And a certain book/movie/game etc.)
18. When we have a fight with someone, especially someone who is close to us, we often end up saying very hurtful things that we know will hit the spot. It’s like a battle of words, and we sure as hell don’t plan to lose. So we play dirty, often hurting those who mean the world to us. Only realizing a couple of hours later that what we did was absolutely unacceptable.
19. We’re great with pre-project preparation and planning. Sometimes we get interested in something out of the blue, and spend hours researching it and making notes and planning things. But when the time to implement it comes around, we realize we’ve lost interest.
20. Spending unnecessary time perfecting something knowing full well that no one besides us would notice that folly. Sometimes being a perfectionist sucks.
How do INTJs flirt?
The most common points from my experiences:
- By gathering knowledge (Real world observations & Google)
- Deciding to go for it or not (Are all the criteria boxes are checked?)
In their natural habitat, INTJs are straightforward and open. They don’t want to play “social contract” at all. So once all the criteria boxes are checked, an ideal “flirt” dialogue for an INTJ would be:
“Hey, I am interested in you because of my X, Y, and Z observations about you. Thus, I think we may give it a go… Shall we?”
And that’s it. (Short version of the answer ends here)
Additionally (Longer answer):
- When they play the social contract game, they will give subtle hints of their intentions. But their main aim is to make you the one who comes, the one who’s interested first. They will create unsure, “Could be?” moments just to see how you react. So that the INTJ can calculate the outcome more precisely.
- Happy/Excited/panicked? Then the odds are on the INTJ’s side to gear up; kind of disturbed/distant/cold? The INTJ steps back.
- They will observe you, your dialogues with others, how you act and talk, and try to categorize you inside their heads to have a shortcut on their calculated outcomes of possible move, and they also calculate the possible ending (seriously).
- The moment they have your name, if possible, they will google it, and learn from whatever result is relevant.
- “So you liked that band in 2015, and posted about it? Hmm, I actually liked that band too. Nice…ish.”
- “She has very few selfies, that’s always a good sign.”
- “Damn, secret profile… Brick wall here. Which is nice that she made it secret. Why would you make your private life public? To put on a fake show? That’s stupid.”
- “Linkedin page shows that she has a degree in X, hmm that must be challenging.”
- “Ah come on! Why would you give that pose with Pisa Tower…”
- “She can write nice articles, and express her thoughts on complex concepts. Hmm!”
- And when you see them again later, they act like they have no idea, but they ask questions about those, and see how much of that information you tell them.
- Notice that, even at this point the INTJ may not have done any moves you can easily categorize as “flirting”, you may be going paranoid at this stage if you’re also interested. Which is good for the INTJ, because odds are quite there, but your defenses are getting weaker, which means you’ll make the first move. Which is the safer option for the INTJ… or you will simply give up and give the INTJ a “wtf” moment.
- If INTJs are only physically attracted, in that case they may assume any role that they see fit. It’s then more difficult to describe. Depends on the specific person’s ability to socialize, and past experiences. ie: An experienced one can assume the predator mode.
- If the important criterias aren’t met, INTJs will quickly lose interest, and this time you will be the one who’ll have a “wtf” moment.
Seriously, if you’re flirting with an INTJ, he’s (I know no female INTJs in person, so I’ll refer as “he”) probably googled your name (as he does with everything else), and learnt a lot about you if your online identity isn’t anonymous.