How long does it take an INTJ to confirm they love someone? Is it a question of how long will it take for me to tick all the boxes on his checkbox list?

Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Has he let you work on a project with him?
  2. Has he asked you for help on a project that’s important or personal to him?
  3. Has he invited you to spend “alone time” with him? Not sexual time; meaning, has he simply asked you to be in the same room when he’s trying to think or is reading/daydreaming/doing something else that doesn’t involve conversation?
  4. Has he allowed you to be present and possibly talking during his usual quiet time?
  5. Does he gravitate to whatever room you’re in, even if he doesn’t necessarily engage in direct interaction with you?
  6. Has he allowed you to interrupt him when he’s focused on something?
  7. Has he given you a thought-out list of possible solutions to your personal problems?
  8. Has he initiated an intense or deep conversation with you?
  9. Has he admitted a weakness? I don’t mean a weakness for chocolate; I mean a bone-deep fallacy that he wishes he could correct?

If you answered yes to at least 6 of the above, he’s probably already in love with you.

If you answered yes to ANY of the above, he just might be falling for you.

Here’s the kicker about my species, and it applies to both male and female: we are more likely to express our feelings through action. We often forget that other people need verbal confirmation. For us, simply allowing you to stay in the same room while we’re working is a pretty big admission of feeling. Actively asking you to join us is tantamount to shouting it from the rooftops.

It took a long time for my husband to understand this about me. He expected me to eventually morph into the lovey-dovey, gossipy females he had always dated before he met me. For me, simply wanting to be in the same room for overly extended periods of time is…epic. That I actively want him there makes it more special. When he finally understood that, he realized I’d been confessing my love since we met. Just because I don’t often say it out loud doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. I’m showing him how I feel by choosing to be where he is at all times.

For an introvert, that’s a big deal.

How do I know that an INTJ loves me?

You will receive that one thing that you aren’t thinking about, their time. They may give up certain activities to spend time with you. Being alone is an activity, and if they give that up (not totally, they are still kind of human) to be with you it could be love or they have strong feelings toward you that can possibly be misconstrued as love but the potential is definitely there.

INTJ’s want efficiency and optimisation so if you find them doing things to help your life run more smoothly or them getting you items to the same the effect then it’s a safe bet that they care deeply for you, love is still up for debate but that’s probably where its going to end up.

TL:DR. They’ll spend time with you, they’ll get you stuff (more functional than romantic)