13:12
actually reached out to Togo and ask to
see their correspondence with the
tobacco companies and they gave us this
letter
EMI we had to translate it from French
but it was worth it because this thing
is almost comically appalled appalling
it informs Togo that plain packaging
laws would result in an incalculable
amount of international trade litigation
suggesting Togo would lose any legal
challenge by citing among other things
an Australian High Court decision which
they write concluded that plain
packaging constitutes a substantial
privation of property rights now the
court case they’re referring to is the
one from earlier you remember the one
tobacco companies lost so badly they had
to cover the court costs and yet they
quote the one judge in that case who
ruled in favor of tobacco ignoring the
other six who called their case if you
remember delusive unreal and synthetic
and saying it had fatal defects that’s
like when a shitty movie engineers a
good review out of a bad one like
Mordecai is a pile of dot dot dot great
bits letter is bullshit and yet Togo
justifiably terrified by threats of
billion dollar settlements backed down
from a public health law that many
people wanted and it’s not just Togo
British American Tobacco sent a similar
letter to Namibia and one of their
subsidiaries sent one to the Solomon
Islands a country with a population of
600,000 at this point it’s safe to say
if you live in an apartment with at
least two other people and you asked one
of them to please smoke outside you can
look forward to a letter from a tobacco
company very soon
14:55
look I could get angry and I could call
14:58
tobacco companies assholes or monsters
15:00
or open sores on Satan’s dick but
15:03
instead instead instead let’s rise above
15:06
it and let’s try and broker peace
15:08
because it’s clear what each side wants
15:10
countries want to warn their citizens
15:13
about the health dangers of smoking
15:15
tobacco tobacco companies want to be
15:18
able to present branded images that they
15:20
have spent time and money to cultivate
15:22
so may I suggest a compromise I present
15:25
to you the new face of Marlboro Jeff the
15:28
diseased lung in a cowboy hat
15:30
we are offering two F to you Philip
15:33
Morris International to use as you wish
15:35
put him on your billboards put him on
15:37
some ads in fact and don’t be mad we’ve
15:42
we’ve already started doing that for you
15:45
this is an actual billboards that is in
15:54
Montevideo right now and people seem to
15:58
like it there because they like it
16:01
of course they look everyone loves Jeff
16:03
the diseased lung in a cowboy hat oh one
16:06
more thing
16:07
um to be completely honest we didn’t
16:10
just do it in Uruguay because we also
16:12
and don’t be mad we made some Jeff
16:16
branded t-shirts and we ship them to
16:17
Togo yesterday where they’ve been quite
16:20
a hit and if you don’t believe me check
16:22
this out
16:38
Jeff’s already out there you just need
16:41
to claim him
16:42
our lawyers unlike yours will not sue
16:44
and and I know our viewers would love to
16:48
help you get the message out there in
16:50
fact you can tweet about Jeff using the
16:52
hashtag Jeff we can to get in trending
16:55
worldwide and get pmos attention post
16:58
Jeff’s photo on Google+ and tag him Mull
17:00
bruh which might push him to the top of
17:03
Marlboros Google Image Search we can do
17:05
this everyone don’t be a maybe about
17:08
this
17:10
[Applause]
17:27
because he’s definitely suffering from
17:29
emphysema on your stress enough you do
17:39
not market to children kids love Jeff
17:41
don’t you kids
17:44
[Applause]
17:50
[Applause]
18:01
[Applause]
18:09
you