How do INTJs flirt?

The most common points from my experiences:

  1. By gathering knowledge (Real world observations & Google)
  2. Deciding to go for it or not (Are all the criteria boxes are checked?)

In their natural habitat, INTJs are straightforward and open. They don’t want to play “social contract” at all. So once all the criteria boxes are checked, an ideal “flirt” dialogue for an INTJ would be:

“Hey, I am interested in you because of my X, Y, and Z observations about you. Thus, I think we may give it a go… Shall we?”

And that’s it. (Short version of the answer ends here)

Additionally (Longer answer):

  • When they play the social contract game, they will give subtle hints of their intentions. But their main aim is to make you the one who comes, the one who’s interested first. They will create unsure, “Could be?” moments just to see how you react. So that the INTJ can calculate the outcome more precisely.
    • Happy/Excited/panicked? Then the odds are on the INTJ’s side to gear up; kind of disturbed/distant/cold? The INTJ steps back.
  • They will observe you, your dialogues with others, how you act and talk, and try to categorize you inside their heads to have a shortcut on their calculated outcomes of possible move, and they also calculate the possible ending (seriously).
  • The moment they have your name, if possible, they will google it, and learn from whatever result is relevant.
    • “So you liked that band in 2015, and posted about it? Hmm, I actually liked that band too. Nice…ish.”
    • “She has very few selfies, that’s always a good sign.”
    • “Damn, secret profile… Brick wall here. Which is nice that she made it secret. Why would you make your private life public? To put on a fake show? That’s stupid.”
    • “Linkedin page shows that she has a degree in X, hmm that must be challenging.”
    • “Ah come on! Why would you give that pose with Pisa Tower…”
    • “She can write nice articles, and express her thoughts on complex concepts. Hmm!”
  • And when you see them again later, they act like they have no idea, but they ask questions about those, and see how much of that information you tell them.
  • Notice that, even at this point the INTJ may not have done any moves you can easily categorize as “flirting”, you may be going paranoid at this stage if you’re also interested. Which is good for the INTJ, because odds are quite there, but your defenses are getting weaker, which means you’ll make the first move. Which is the safer option for the INTJ… or you will simply give up and give the INTJ a “wtf” moment.
  • If INTJs are only physically attracted, in that case they may assume any role that they see fit. It’s then more difficult to describe. Depends on the specific person’s ability to socialize, and past experiences. ie: An experienced one can assume the predator mode.
  • If the important criterias aren’t met, INTJs will quickly lose interest, and this time you will be the one who’ll have a “wtf” moment.

Seriously, if you’re flirting with an INTJ, he’s (I know no female INTJs in person, so I’ll refer as “he”) probably googled your name (as he does with everything else), and learnt a lot about you if your online identity isn’t anonymous.

The Science of Flirting: Being a H.O.T. A.P.E. | Jean Smith | TEDxLSHTM

Is this person flirting with me? This question has plagued us from nearly the beginning of time. Social anthropologist Jean Smith, or ‘flirtologist’ if you will, demonstrates her 6 simple steps known as “H.O.T.  A.P.E.” to help answer that very question. And it will forever change your perception of flirting from being a stranger’s evaluation of your worth into what it should be: a fun game!

Jean’s purpose in life is understanding how people flirt. And people flirt differently in different cultures. She uses her background as a  cultural and social anthropologist to help teach people how to flirt – to gain confidence and happiness in their lives by assisting them to projective a positive image of themselves. , she uses research and  studies to emphasize the skills that we can all learn to interact more effectively. Jean also uses practical activities and interaction to bridge the brain and the body and apply the information to make our daily lives more rewarding. The basis of Jeans teachings comes from her background as a social anthropologist.. A few years ago, Jean published, The Flirt Interpreter, which is an accessible analysis of the research she conducted into the flirting behaviour of people in the cities of London, New York, Paris and Stockholm. She conducted 250 face-to-face interviews to ascertain flirting behaviour.