What can cause a sudden change in a narcissist’s personality?

I have found three things that suddenly change a narcissist’s personality:

  • They have new supply.

When a narcissist latches on to new supply, they engage in mirroring. They lack a stable identity because their emotional development is stunted to toddler years.

Every time they meet new supply, they start changing like a chameleon.

They change the way they dress. They change the things they like. They change their political beliefs. They change their sense of humor.

The supply could be a partner or a friend. But once they are in idealization phase, the narcissist becomes a new person. They gather new traits for their mask.

  • They are in a collapse due to loss of supply.

When a narcissist is rejected, they go into collapse. It’s when the narcissist has no choice but to confront their shame, and they feel unlovable. It reminds them of the rejection from their narcissist parent.

I’ve seen many collapses: it causes a sudden despondency. A deep depression and vulnerability. I rarely see it last more than a week, often much shorter.

It’s always utterly unsettling and fiercely intense.

The narcissist is actually most likable in this pathetic state. They seem human.

However, they’re dangerous AF in this state too. They’ll go into a rage and their revenge is wildly disproportionate.

I know one narcissist that killed himself in this state as a child, at 15, after sexually assaulting his supply and being discarded. And my dad also tried to kill himself in a collapse.

It’s a dark and dangerous mental state.

  • They sense you are doing well.

OH HELL NO?! She’s still living?!

TIME FOR A HOOVER.

Let’s see if we can FINISH HER.

At this time, the narcissist who discarded you like you were moldy cheese suddenly acts like you’re a whole gourmet meal again.

They bring on your favorite drug: the lovebomb.

And then they try to ruin your life all over again.

Are all INTPs depressed?

I am an iron-clad INTP (99.9% certainty) so my answer is…it depends. All is a strong word.

INTPs are very vulnerable to depression, and depressed INTPs may hesitate to seek treatment. We have a double disadvantage. We are not only more likely to BE depressed, but we are more likely to STAY depressed.

INTPs don’t (generally) build/maintain strong support networks, leaving us vulnerable to isolation. Isolated people have a very hard time pulling themselves out of the dark and getting help. Many of us don’t even realize that there is a problem until we’ve hit rock bottom.

INTPs treat their own emotions like most people would treat an infestation of poisonous dart frogs in their underwear drawer. We avoid them completely if we can, keep them at a distance if we can’t, and freak the hell out when we touch one by accident. This is…not ideal.

INTPs should be careful to follow through with the first step of any venomous amphibian exposure protocol, which is seeking professional help. Those emotions/deadly frogs won’t go away on their own. We need to defer to an expert, someone who can help us trade in those deadly dart bois for frog-patterned socks.

Dr Tony Attwood – Good Mental Health for Autistic Girls and Women (taken from full video)

28:34
that it will go and one of the things
we’re trying to say is
it will go okay don’t know when don’t
know how but it will go the sooner the
better and when it’s over we’ll do
something fun together because one of
the characteristics of autism is a
depression attack
it’s an absolute
deluge of negative emotion no I on
YouTube there is an excellent series of
videos by Maya today she calls herself
29:01
the an mish Maya is from Copenhagen in
29:04
Denmark and she has Asperger’s and the
29:07
thing is from the age of seven she would
29:09
have episodic depression suicide attacks
29:12
what’s the point of life I’m gonna hold
29:13
my breath till I die
29:15
but anyway the seeds were there from
29:18
early on
29:19
now she developed a remarkable concept
that I am now using and encouraging
called energy accounting this was
designed for adults but can also be used
for teenagers and the idea in energy
accounting is that you have in your day
the concept of that energy bank account
that sometimes events will occur or
people that you meet will drain you of
energy and in that draining of energy
you are going to become energy depleted
so there are energy withdrawals and
energy deposits
there are things that
will energize you it can be mr. kitty
your cat mr. kitty mr. kitty is probably
one of your fastest Energizer’s and just
being in his mere presence is enough in
30:10
knowing he exists it’s enough okay so
30:13
what we do is go through what may be
30:16
potential energy withdrawals and
30:18
deposits this is the cheat sheet these
30:21
are the things that we found that
30:23
withdraw energy deplete you socializing
30:28
yes the person with autism can socialize
30:30
can be the life and soul of the party
30:31
absolutely fantastic but tomorrow social
30:34
migrate under the covers in the cupboard
30:36
that’s it I’m gonna pay for this it was
30:39
so good coping with change even if it’s
30:42
to a preferred activity too many changes
30:44
I have to use a lot of mental energy to
30:47
recalibrate my mind to the same
30:49
situation and if my main way of
30:51
socializing
30:52
is to have a huge and rich memory store
30:56
of social events that I can use to
30:59
imitate and become the person in that
31:02
situation if I’ve never seen that
31:04
situation before if it’s totally new I
31:06
have no idea what my role and script
31:09
will be making a mistake sensory
31:13
sensitivity daily living skills can
31:16
drain you with energy one of the major
31:18
ways of energy draining is coping with
31:21
anxiety and for the kids they use so
31:24
much energy coping with anxiety at
31:26
school there’s no energy left for the
31:27
schoolwork there can be overanalyzing
31:31
social performance analysis to paralysis
31:33
specially inhibiting sleep sensitivity
31:37
to other people’s moods being teased or
31:39
excluded crowds yeah
31:41
you don’t have to interact with people
31:42
it’s just lots of people around
31:44
government agencies Centrelink yeah yeah
31:49
body shape it can be perceived injustice
31:53
and there’s a psychologist I say there
31:56
is astronomical psychology and some
32:01
people are emotional black holes they
32:07
suck away all your energy you are just
32:10
with a cap and it’s gone and it never
32:12
comes back they suck away your energy
32:15
keep away from them okay what are the
32:17
deposits solitude but it takes time
32:20
special interest is your fastest energy
32:23
restorative physical activity animals
32:26
and nature computer games meditation
32:29
caring for others yes it can be
32:33
nutrition get rid of junk food sleep
32:36
reading Harry Potter books by thought I
32:38
want to put that in because it’s one my
32:40
line
32:42
mental health vacation day that okay are
32:44
gonna take a day off because I’m got the
32:46
energy to cope information on the
32:49
Internet
32:49
being with pets and certain people are
32:52
the Sun they have that ability to
32:55
totally energize you
32:57
so in energy accounting we have a
32:59
currency a numerical value how much an
33:02
activity is draining or refreshing from
33:05
day to day with an energy range from one
33:08
to a hundred so on Sundays you may get
33:12
socializing are totaling was the cake
33:14
today was a twenty ah today nine no
33:17
hundred today was a hundred so what
33:20
you’re trying to do is balance the books
33:23
between energy depletion and energy
33:27
restoration so we add a numerical value
33:31
of debits or credits and if needed must
33:35
shed your more energy infusing
33:36
activities into the next day or week so
we fight autism with autism
we’re pedantic and we have lists so this
is the list of withdrawals and deposits

33:48
so you may have on the Left column what
33:51
is it that drains you of energy okay add
33:53
it up twenty forty sixty eighty twenty
33:55
total 360 what we’re today’s deposits
33:59
twenty twenty thirty forty total to
34:01
forty oh dear you can cope without for a
34:05
while but as you are sinking your reach
34:07
a tipping point and you’ll just go
34:09
straight down into a depression this is
34:11
an illustration it’s a teenage girl
34:14
Ellen she’s I think fifteen at this
34:17
stage these are the things that debit
34:20
her account being late to school ten to
34:24
forty when I asked the guys why because
34:26
everyone’s looking at you that’s what
34:28
drains me of energy crowds twenty to
34:30
sixty now mom being cranky when I think
34:34
mom’s upset with me when she’s snappy
34:36
thirty to a hundred now when we analyzed
34:39
it further mom can be cranky with her
34:42
ass be brother but it’s nothing to do
34:46
with her but the mere fact that mom’s
34:48
cranky infects a a huge degree teachers
34:53
being snappy pre
34:55
instead of tension 10 to 30 friends not
34:58
being nice to each other 20 to 30 this
35:01
was important friends own problems 20 to
35:06
90 Wow okay then a few other things
35:13
their team sport 30 to 40 okay what tops
35:16
her up TV programs star kids Harry
35:20
Potter
35:21
Doctor Who Sherlock and Tolkien I like
35:24
those because they can be great
35:25
restoratives reading alone 30 to 40
35:29
dancing freestyle gets home from school
35:30
goes into a bedroom locks the door so
35:33
our brother can’t get in cranks up the
35:35
high five dances freestyle thirty to
35:37
fifty but down there is talking to boys
35:42
10 to 30 girls drain me boys infuse me
35:49
very important other components we’re
35:52
aware of can be substance abuse for
35:54
teenagers and adults because if you
35:56
don’t manage your emotions in an
35:58
effective way you may discover there are
36:01
alternative ways with alcohol and
36:03
marijuana now sometimes that substance
36:06
abuse is yes for emotion management it’s
36:08
to engage reality to make you relaxed in
36:11
a social setting but then you don’t do
36:13
things by half or to escape reality of a
36:16
bubble of numbness and I don’t care so
36:18
alcohol and marijuana is freely
36:20
available in modern society it’s a
36:22
social lubricant it reduces social
36:25
anxiety but you also then become in a
36:28
member of a group with clear rules dress
36:31
language codes of conduct and it’s a
36:34
relaxant so please emotion regulation
36:38
and management is important because if
36:41
you don’t they may discover ways of
36:43
achieving it that we do not recommend
36:46
also there can be a high level of
36:49
anorexia nervosa and ASD research
36:51
suggests that actually about one in four
36:53
of those in eating disorder clinics have
36:56
signs of an autism spectrum disorder
36:58
it’s not always the disorder of body
37:00
image it can be issues of fascination
37:04
with an association with diet exercise
37:06
food rituals to prevent
37:09
feelings of being out of control or to
37:11
eliminate disabling anxiety or a special
37:15
interest in nutrition and calories which
37:17
means that any psychotherapy that is for
37:21
gender dysphoria that anything that may
37:24
be helping in terms of eating disorders
37:26
borderline cover must be adjusted for
37:29
the autistic mindset otherwise it’s
37:32
going to cause a huge amount of problems
37:34
now this slide was put in Jeannette
37:37
before you decided to change your name
37:41
to Yin but does that webpage still work
37:50
[Music]
37:55
she does that for me too okay and
38:00
talking about cooking away barb cook
38:02
spectrum women calm a place to go to be
38:06
part of the tribe and understand each
38:08
other another one of course is yellow
38:11
ladybugs we promote this as best we can
38:13
because it’s the best it really is good
38:16
it’s amazing now the National Autistic
38:18
Society in London have a free course on
38:21
girls and women on the autism spectrum
38:24
free until March then you pay for it but
38:26
if you want to download especially as a
38:29
professional also one of the topics that
38:33
Yin mentioned is clinicians knowledge of
38:38
autism but especially girls and women
38:41
now Michelle and I are doing a master
38:44
class in children and teenagers with ASD
38:46
in diagnosis and treatment will be
38:48
returning to Melbourne and we’ll be
38:50
there on Thursday and Friday the 17th
38:53
and 18th of October and I think we have
38:55
some fliers there but also you may be
38:58
interested that the day after the
39:01
Saturday we’re doing a whole day on
39:04
girls and women in great detail so I
39:10
think a look at the timing of that
39:13
spot-on
39:14
okay thank you
39:17
[Applause]

Dealing With Depression On The Autism Spectrum | Patrons Choice

See 3 Recommended Resources Below:

The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT – by Russ Harris
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3…

The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time – by Alex Korb
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2

EQ 101 – Master Emotional Intelligence – by Paul Micallef (that’s me!)
https://autism-explained.teachable.co

http://emotionsexplained.com.au