The Science of Flirting: Being a H.O.T. A.P.E. | Jean Smith | TEDxLSHTM

Is this person flirting with me? This question has plagued us from nearly the beginning of time. Social anthropologist Jean Smith, or ‘flirtologist’ if you will, demonstrates her 6 simple steps known as “H.O.T.  A.P.E.” to help answer that very question. And it will forever change your perception of flirting from being a stranger’s evaluation of your worth into what it should be: a fun game!

Jean’s purpose in life is understanding how people flirt. And people flirt differently in different cultures. She uses her background as a  cultural and social anthropologist to help teach people how to flirt – to gain confidence and happiness in their lives by assisting them to projective a positive image of themselves. , she uses research and  studies to emphasize the skills that we can all learn to interact more effectively. Jean also uses practical activities and interaction to bridge the brain and the body and apply the information to make our daily lives more rewarding. The basis of Jeans teachings comes from her background as a social anthropologist.. A few years ago, Jean published, The Flirt Interpreter, which is an accessible analysis of the research she conducted into the flirting behaviour of people in the cities of London, New York, Paris and Stockholm. She conducted 250 face-to-face interviews to ascertain flirting behaviour.

A Guide to Dating Women Raised in a Matriarchy

Yes, I have a single mom. Don’t panic.

..  I wanted to be the type of girl who was breezy but able to be vulnerable when prompted. The problem was that I didn’t grow up without a mom. I actually grew up with a single mom, which is precisely the opposite. He paused and looked at me intently, and then said, “Oops, I meant dad.”
The truest answer would have been, “It was like living my entire life the only way I’ve ever lived it.” I don’t know. What was it like to have lungs instead of gills?
.. I have since learned that it is a shocking amount of trouble to tell men on first dates that I was raised by a single mom. They are always well-intentioned, flirtatious, curious, nice — and blindingly ignorant.
.. At first I thought they just lacked imagination. But I’ve come to see their responses as indicative of a more primal fear: Lots of people think that women need men, if not for their charm and likability, then at least for their ability to father children. A girl with no dad suggests maybe men aren’t so necessary after all.
.. I grew up firmly in a matriarchy. My grandmother divorced my grandfather when she was 31 and had four young daughters.
.. My mom chose to be a single mom and also had five children: My older siblings and I have donor dads, and my two younger siblings are adopted from Guatemala.
.. “I ask because I just want to know how young your mom was when she had you.”

My mom had me when she was 34, in a way that could not have been more planned, since she slept only with women and basically lived in a separatist lesbian community.

..  Forty percent of American kids are born to unmarried women. I’m here to let you know: You don’t have to worry if the girl across the table has a single mother. There’s no apocalypse coming for you. We probably even like men — that’s why we go on dates with them.

..  At one point, Wonder Woman and her male love interest have what I have come to recognize as the first date conversation of a girl who grew up in the matriarchy.

.. “Have you ever met a man before?” Capt. Steve Trevor asks. “What about your father?”

“I had no father,” Wonder Woman says. “My mother sculpted me from clay.”

Even ‘The Bachelor’ Can’t Find a Man

.. It’s amusing, and a little sad, that “The Bachelor” so consistently struggles to land an eligible bachelor. Forget happily ever after: It just needs to find a guy we want to spend 12 weeks watching on TV.

The show’s recent crop of leading men has underwhelmed.

.. Meanwhile, the franchise is overflowing with female talent: professionally accomplished, emotionally intelligent, actually intelligent, witty, beautiful women who make for interesting romantic leads.

.. It’s to behold a particular kind of romantic coupling — one where vastly overqualified women compete for the attentions of a mediocre dude. For women who have found themselves in a similar position, it can all get a little too real.

.. One of the fantasies promoted by “The Bachelor” is that the patriarchy is as strong as ever, even as traditionally male power structures are waning in America. The show gravitates toward leads with macho jobs — racecar driver, farmer, soccer player, personal trainer. This is an American throwback that is exclusively invested in elevating white men. Why didn’t “The Bachelor” reinvest in one of its most eligible runners-up from last season, Eric Bigger, the sweet Baltimore guy? He says he was never approached. One reason comes to mind: He is black.