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you know some friends have talked to me about living with your partner and the
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way a lot of people look at moving in with someone is like testing it’s like
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okay we’ll move in together and I can test if I’m compatible with them and to
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me this is like setting yourself up for disaster because you’re going in with a
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headspace of testing them where what do you do when you test you look for flaws
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you look for what doesn’t work you look for kind of bad things that’s part of
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the whole mindset going in right and so the opposite to that is looking at okay
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I’m going to make this relationship work I’m committed to this so I’m never
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second-guessing the relationship I’m never doubting if we have a future but
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instead I’m just looking for solutions hey we have this problem cool how do I
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solve it what can I do differently this is why there’s some statistics that say
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that living with someone before marriage doesn’t actually increase the chance of
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a successful marriage in some cases getting married first actually predicts
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a successful marriage and relationship and that’s including the people who live
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together and then they decided it didn’t work and then they never got married so
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the people who actually live together first and got married they already were
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filtered right and they still did not have a better chance of having a
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successful marriage than people who just got married first we’re committed and
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then live together now sometimes this is really counterintuitive to us
freedom-loving types right I don’t know an INFP or an ENFP who loves to be put
in a box and forced to do the same thing or to have a lot of structure we love
freedom we love infinite possibilities problem is when we have infinite
possibilities we literally just go insane like there’s too much to think
about there’s too many options it’s really really overwhelming and so
something that I’ve been doing more and more is limiting my options when it
comes to booking a trip I like I have this trip coming up I mentioned I go out
of my way within a few days of deciding on doing this
to book the main flights because then I’m locked in and I have some structure
otherwise I’ll be thinking for months like where could I go what are all the
options and it eats up so much mental space I find this with work as well I
sent out an email the other day about events I’m hosting in 2019 with the date
and locations and one of the reasons I sent out this email aside from giving
people a heads up you know so they can start planning travel and planning the
year is that until I sent that email I kept debating the dates like is this
weekend better than this weekend or like you know I had a plan but until it was
solidified I kept questioning the planet thinking about other options maybe I
could host this event in that city instead or maybe I could do it there and
that is not a good use of my energy and so one of my techniques is sending out
that email once I’ve emailed thousands of people about when these events will
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be I can’t really change the dates or change my mind now that that’s set then
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I can focus on planning the details of the events and doing the really cool
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things so I’m not saying to limit yourself in life to just have this
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boring routine life where you have no possibilities of change in the future
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and all that I know that would never work for you it would never work for me
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but what I’m saying has worked well for me is to make some commitments that
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provide a structure for me to play with it I found this with creativity too I’ll
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maybe get into that in another video that when I give myself structure to
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work in I’m actually more creative I get more done and I have a lot more fun as
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well so don’t look at decisions or structure as bad sometimes that’s how
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we’re wired as r-type we don’t want to be locked into something in my
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experience across the board whether it’s in relationships in travel and business
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even in health committing to some things and making some decisions has freed up
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so much of my mental space it’s led to me having more fun having a better life
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and ultimately actually feeling a lot more freedom as counterintuitive as that
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sounds listen there’s no freedom in your head going in circles there’s no freedom
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in overthinking things one way you stop that overthinking and have more freedom
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is actually make decisions commit to things and
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yourself some structure hope you found this video helpful hope my sickness has
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not impaired my cognitive function too much here and I look forward to seeing
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you in another video if you’ve enjoyed this do hit the subscribe button and the
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bell I publish new videos every Sunday Tuesday and Thursday hope to catch you
09:06
in another one soon thanks for watching
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you