My Daughter’s Advanced Speech with Sarah | Real Life Aspergers Interviews

06:04

and you also mentioned to me earlier
that anxiety is a big part of your life
and one of the ways that you kind of
mitigate that is through the use of
routines and sticking to things that you
know yes
tell me about how that is great and how
that is not so great I could talk about
how like routines are great and how
doing the same thing is great or the
time to date like oh my oh my life I
could talk about it it’s great because
when you have a routine it’s that
familiarity so you kind of know what’s
coming next you know what to expect and
it kind of just makes my life happier
because it’s not all the unexpected
stuff but in the same way because you
like routine and that kind of holds on
to your anxiety as soon as one little
thing changes that has such a depth
trend effect on my day to day life
so say you have the same thing for
breakfast every day I have this I like
to have the same thing but then recently
we stayed somewhere else came home and
we didn’t have any milk in the fridge
like I usually have the soya milk in the
fridge we didn’t have any to then I was
like ah well now what do I do and my
husband who is an autistic he’d be like
odd just a toast but for me straight
away that’s like what else is gonna go
wrong like what am I gonna do now I
gotta think of what I’d do for this now
I gotta think about what my daughter’s
gonna have now I’ve got to think about
all these things so in a way for me
routine is like a key element of my life
and it’s amazing and structure is
amazing but at the same time then you
have this whole anxiety that the
structure is going to go wrong and the
routines gonna go wrong and then if it
doesn’t go right so the I guess the way
I feel about routine and things and and
how has your husband gone understanding
those things so
we’ve been together ten years now and so
I’ve always been the way I’d been so
I’ve always had problems with like food
08:24
and things and we wish there was anxiety
08:25
[Music]
08:27
so we thought that I was gonna suddenly
08:30
be cured by going to therapy and things
08:32
and then we find out I’m not gonna be
08:34
cured because it’s like I’m autistic
08:36
it’s gonna always be around so that’s
08:38
something we’ve had to kind of we’re
08:40
adapting to at the moment cuz it’s only
08:42
been going since kind of August so
08:46
trying to adapt to that and trying to do
08:48
it it’s difficult for him to and he
08:52
doesn’t understand everything I mean I
08:55
can’t say anything bad about him because
08:57
he’s been wonderful he looks up all of
08:59
the information and lots of people don’t
09:01
don’t want to do that but then I
09:04
sometimes my anxiety there’s then he’s
09:06
only doing that because you’ve got a
09:07
daughter who has it
09:08
so then I’m like ah you know he’s still
09:10
gonna leave me he’s still gonna do this
09:12
he’s still gonna do that why would I do
09:15
that when you’ve always been this way
09:17
so questions that it sounds like for a
09:24
big part of your life you thought a lot
09:27
of those artistic traits were due to
09:29
anxiety yeah which meant that you
09:32
thought maybe if I got therapy and got
09:35
less anxious then I wouldn’t do these
09:37
things as much yeah especially when it
09:41
comes to not socializing and not having
09:44
friends and things but then when I went
09:48
to therapy she said but you didn’t seem
09:50
like depressed and things and I said
09:52
what if I’m doing things that I want to
09:54
do I’m happy but everything I want to do
09:57
is on my own so I want to play like The
10:00
Sims I want to read I want to go to the
10:03
cinema by myself I want to do this and
10:06
I’m really happy when I’m doing that
10:07
then when I have to go out with other
10:09
people and do things that I don’t want
10:11
to do that’s when I’m worse and she was
10:16
like well that’s not depression and
10:18
she’s like how do was your anxiety
10:20
lasted and I’m like oh it’s always been
10:22
like this like I’ve always felt like
10:24
this it feels like oh and then she was
10:27
then Oh
10:28
after too
10:29
sessions with her she was actually after
10:31
the first 10 minutes of meeting you I
10:33
thought that you were autistic and she’s
10:36
like so now I’m kind of like referring
10:38
you full of this and to find out and
10:40
everything so and yeah I thought I was
10:44
just magic cure her but how did it feel
10:48
how did it feel to realize that you are
10:51
on the spectrum it was a relief because
10:56
I know like why I was feeling the way I
10:59
was for bite I life and why I had
11:02
difficulties with things in school and
11:04
stuff like I really struggled as well
11:07
like I didn’t like going to lessons I
11:09
didn’t like doing anything so it’s
11:12
really for that but at the same time
11:13
then I’m still kind of coming to terms
11:16
with it all because it’s kind of like
11:18
mourning for the fact that I’m never
11:21
gonna be the way I expected to be with
11:25
certain things because I thought all
11:26
once I’ve got this under control I can
11:29
do all of these things but I know I can
11:32
achieve some a bit but at the same time
11:34
there’s other things that are always
11:35
just gonna be the thing because it’s
11:37
just who I am and yeah if that make
11:42
sense yeah definitely so this definitely
11:48
gets kind of like know that there’s
11:50
reason for things and now I can
11:52
appreciate Who I am for who I am as
11:56
opposed to trying to change myself to
11:58
fit in how everybody else thinks that
12:01
you should be yeah definitely makes
12:05
sense and so finally what would you say
12:12
to other women out there who maybe
12:15
they’ve got a daughter on the spectrum
12:16
or maybe they are starting to get clues
12:19
that well people are suggesting you
12:21
might be on the spectrum this might be
12:23
explaining things for you what would you
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say to them obviously I would say to do
12:29
their research autism and stuff is very
12:32
different with girls than it is boys a
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lot of the research and things and
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diagnosis has to do with boys and not go
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so you’ve got to find yourself a really
12:42
good doctor as well here at
12:44
understands it within females and how
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they find it look I found help in like
12:51
Facebook groups and that just reached
12:53
out to other people who are on the
12:55
spectrum I found people really helpful
12:57
they’re really open to talking about
12:58
their struggles and what they think but
13:01
yeah for me it’s just if you think is do
13:05
your research and look at different
13:07
things go on YouTube that’s it’s amazing
13:10
to find creatures who will actually talk
13:12
about subject and yeah I think that’s
13:16
the best advice I can give it it’s just
13:18
if you think you are you probably are
13:20
because if you’re thinking that you are
13:22
it’s not a normal thing to think that
13:24
you’re autistic apparently yeah I think
13:29
oh I think I might be autistic it’s not
13:32
something that you generally think so if
13:34
you’re thinking that you are then you
13:37
know it’s we’re actually looking more
13:39
into it because you’ll probably end up
13:42
finding out that you actually are
13:44
autistic and and for me personally what
13:46
made the biggest difference was
13:48
physically meeting in person other
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autistic people so a support group even
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before I knew I just said can I come
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along lesson yes so yeah see where I am
14:01
to get the support you have to have like
14:04
the official diagnosis and the waiting
14:07
list of really long so at the moment
14:09
hard to see that but meeting other
14:13
people with autism and stuff especially
14:15
people your age I think is a really
14:17
important thing so that’s why I’m kind
14:20
of reaching out to other Creators and
14:22
start from towards and that’s why
14:24
eventually I’ll upload a video that’s a
14:28
good segue because you and your blog a
14:31
YouTube blog right yeah yeah we’d say I
14:35
have a blog but I talk about other
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disabilities with and it’s just getting
14:39
the confidence up and getting past the
14:41
anxiety like whoa to actually talk about
14:45
it and be heard about it and stuff and
14:48
it’s something that I want to pursue
14:50
more of talking about it and actually
14:51
you know yeah
14:57
yes well it’s it’s great to have
14:59
different voices out there and I’m sure
15:03
lots of people will resonate strongly
15:06
with you and your story what’s the name
15:09
of your YouTube channel
15:10
it’s a mundane life and if you just
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search that it will come up no one else
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wants to be called a mundane life no
15:20
nobody else wants to be like ordinary
15:22
and warranty they but yeah I guess now
15:25
it’s quite an ironic name because autism
15:28
as well there’s anything but mundanes
15:31
none of what you described okay mundane
15:36
okay well thanks Sarah it’s been really
15:39
it’s been really great to talk to you oh
15:41
I’ll put a link to your channel in the
15:44
description below so I think everyone
15:48
watching has enjoyed today’s espy
15:51
interview and I’ll be endeavoring to do
15:55
some more in the future because I
15:57
believe that the best way to understand
15:59
autism and the diversity in the autism
16:01
spectrum is to meet others on the
16:05
spectrum so this is one way I’m trying
16:07
to elderly okay well thanks and thanks
16:12
for your time – Sarah right no problem
16:14
thank you Ray
16:23
you

Khamenei Wants to Put Iran’s Stamp on Reprisal for U.S. Killing of Top General

In a departure from Iran’s usual tactics of hiding behind proxies, the country’s supreme leader wants any retaliation for the killing of a top military commander to be carried out openly by Iranian forces.

In the tense hours following the American killing of a top Iranian military commander, the country’s supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, made a rare appearance at a meeting of the government’s National Security Council to lay down the parameters for any retaliation. It must be a direct and proportional attack on American interests, he said, openly carried out by Iranian forces themselves, three Iranians familiar with the meeting said Monday.

It was a startling departure for the Iranian leadership. Since the establishment of the Islamic Republic in 1979, Tehran had almost always cloaked its attacks behind the actions of proxies it had cultivated around the region. But in the fury generated by the killing of the military commander, Maj. Gen. Qassim Suleimani, a close ally and personal friend of the supreme leader, the ayatollah was willing to cast aside those traditional cautions.

The nation’s anger over the commander’s death was on vivid display Monday, as hundreds of thousands of Iranians poured into the streets of Tehran for a funeral procession and Mr. Khamenei wept openly over the coffin.

After weeks of furious protests across the country against corruption and misrule, both those who had criticized and supported the government marched together, united in outrage. Subway trains and stations were packed with mourners hours before dawn, and families brought children carrying photographs of General Suleimani.

A reformist politician, Sadegh Kharazi, said he had not seen crowds this size since the 1989 funeral of the Islamic Republic’s founder, Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini.

“We are ready to take a fierce revenge against America,” Gen. Hamid Sarkheili of the Revolutionary Guard, declared to the throng. “American troops in the Persian Gulf and in Iraq and Syria are within our reach.”

No negotiations or deal, only war with America,” students chanted in an online video from a university campus.

A renowned eulogist and member of the Revolutionary Guard, Sadegh Ahangaran, exhorted the funeral crowds to raise their voices so “damned America can hear you” and to “wave the flags in preparation for war.”

The increasingly public vows of direct action on Monday constituted Iran’s latest act of defiance to President Trump. Over the weekend the president had repeatedly threatened to retaliate for any attacks against American interests by ordering airstrikes against as many as 52 potential targets, one for each of the American hostages held after the seizure of the United States embassy in Tehran in 1979.

In response, Iran’s moderate president, Hassan Rouhani, on Monday responded with his own numerology. “Those who refer to the number 52 should also remember the number 290,” he said on Twitter, a reference to the 290 people killed in 1988 in the accidental downing of an Iranian airliner by an American warship. “Never threaten the Iranian nation,” Mr. Rouhani added.

Where, when and even if Iran may choose to retaliate remains a matter of speculation. As Iranian leaders weighed just what form it might take, analysts said the targets included American troops in neighboring Syria and Iraq, American bases in the Persian Gulf or American embassies or diplomats almost anywhere.

When previous attempts at direct strikes or assassinations have proved unsuccessful, some noted, Iranian-backed militants have turned to the simpler tactic of killing civilians with terrorist bombs.

This was the sequence in 2012 with the Iranian-backed Lebanese group Hezbollah. After failing in attempts to attack Israeli targets or kill Israeli officials in revenge for the killing of one of the group’s leaders, the militants eventually settled on the easier job of bombing a bus load of Israeli tourists in Bulgaria, said Afshon Ostovar, a scholar of Iran at the Naval Postgraduate School.

“We are in uncharted territory, and the truth of the matter is nobody knows how Iran is going to respond. I don’t think even Iran knows,” Mr. Ostovar said. “But I think there is a blood lust right now in the Revolutionary Guards.”

In Iraq, where the Parliament had earlier called for the immediate expulsion of the 5,000 American troops stationed there, Prime Minister Mahdi on Monday listed steps to curtail the troops’ movements.

While plans were being made for departure of the Americans, he said, they will now be limited to “training and advising” Iraqi forces, required to remain within the bases and barred from Iraqi air space.

Mr. Mahdi met with Matthew Tueller, the American ambassador to Iraq, on Monday, and “stressed the need for joint action to implement the withdrawal,” according to a statement and photo released by Mr. Mahdi’s office. He also emphasized Iraq’s efforts to prevent the current tensions between Iran and the United States from sliding into “open war.”

The United States military stirred a media flurry by accidentally releasing a draft letter that seemed to describe imminent plans to withdraw from Iraq. Marine Corps Brig. Gen. William H. Seely III, the commander of the United States forces in Iraq, wrote to the Iraqi government that the American troops would be relocated “to prepare for onward movement.”

“We respect your sovereign decision to order our departure,” he wrote.

But Defense Department officials played down the significance of the letter. “Here’s the bottom line, this was a mistake,” General Mark A. Milley, President Trump’s top military commander, told reporters at the Pentagon during a hastily called press briefing. “It’s a draft unsigned letter because we are moving forces around.”

“There’s been no decision whatsoever to leave Iraq,” Mark T. Esper, the defense secretary, told reporters. “There’s been no decision made to leave Iraq. Period.”

Although the Trump administration has said that the United States killed General Suleimani because he was planning imminent attacks against American interests, there were indications Monday that he may have been leading an effort to calm tensions with Saudi Arabia.

Prime Minister Adel Abdul Mahdi of Iraq said that he was supposed to meet with General Suleimani on the morning he was killed, and that he expected him to bring messages from the Iranians that might help to “reach agreements and breakthroughs important for the situation in Iraq and the region.”

In Washington, two top Senate Democrats urged President Trump early Monday to declassify the administration’s formal notification to Congress giving notice of the airstrike that killed General Suleimani.

Such notification of Congress is required by law, and to classify the entirety of such a notification is highly unusual.

Senator Chuck Schumer of New York, the Democratic leader, and Senator Robert Menendez of New Jersey, the top Democrat on the Foreign Relations Committee, said in a joint statement that it was “critical that national security matters of such import be shared with the American people in a timely manner.”

And Senator Mitch McConnell, the Republican leader, urged Mr. Trump’s critics not to jump to conclusions. “Unfortunately, in this toxic political environment, some of our colleagues rushed to blame our own government before even knowing the facts,” he said.

For its part, Iran simultaneously continued a months-long push against the Trump administration over its demands that Tehran submit to a more restrictive renegotiation of a 2015 accord with the Western powers over its nuclear research. The Trump administration has sought to pressure Iran by devastating its economy with sweeping economic sanctions, which Iranian officials have denounced as economic warfare.

The sanctions set off the cycle of attacks and counterattacks that culminated last week in the killing of General Suleimani. Iran has also responded with carefully calibrated steps away from the deal’s limits on its nuclear program. On Sunday, Iranian officials said that they had now abandoned all restrictions on the enrichment of uranium, though they said they would continue to admit inspectors from the International Atomic Energy Agency.

Amid the emotion of the funeral, some called for vengeance that would remake the region. “Even if we attack all of U.S. bases and even if we kill Trump himself it’s not enough revenge,” Brig. Gen Amir Ali HajiZadeh said at the funeral. “We must totally eliminate all U.S. troops from the region.”

For now, Iranian officials seem to be in no rush to strike back against the United States, possibly enjoying their ability to spread anxiety throughout the West. They seem content to

  • bask in the nationalist surge in their popularity,
  • growing international sympathy and the push to
  • expel the American troops from Iraq.

“I don’t think they want to shift the conversation yet,” said Sanam Vakil, a scholar of Iran at Chatham House, a research center in London.

But for the hard-liners who dominate the Iranian National Security Council, she said, some vigorous retaliation would be the only rational response. “A non-response would appear weak and invite further pressure, creating problems in domestic politics and internationally,” she said.

 

The Real Reason Why The Narcissist Came Into Your Life

Rough Translation:

so what deeper truths our gnosis is
showing us narcissus enter our lives
pretending to be the answer to what we
need to heal within us that we may not
even be aware of yet and then seize the
foe support and start to smash these
exact parts making the pain so horrific
that the unconscious parts become fully
conscious the narcissus first appeared
to be the savior of our wounds and then
became the messenger of them instead
so let me grant you my own example I
used to suffer greatly from fears of
abandonment and not being valid and seen
or being good enough to be loved this
was deeply unconscious because it was
all I’d ever known as myself and my
reality like many people who are now
statistically abused I was over
functioning and over compensating for my
inner unconscious traumas and I was
really practically capable I seemed
strong and other people would have sworn
that I had it together he had on the
inside I was battling anxiety and
depression which I had to keep very busy
and achieving goals to overcome
naturally because this is how this stuff
goes
I wasn’t gentle tender or supportive
with these inner parts rather I was
constantly self abandoning my inner pain
not making my feelings important at all
and being incredibly self-critical and
demanding and myself and again this was
my version of normal being only way that
I’d ever known to be with myself and it
was exactly what people in my life had
always modeled to me as well it wasn’t
until narcissistic abuse it these parts
that I’ve been surviving and covering
over came screaming to the forefront so
interesting because the narcissus in my
life initially appeared validating and
approving of me as well as claiming a
full commitment to me so they seemed
like they would never abandon me however
things switched and my fears and gaps
were over time attack with full ferocity
I was rapidly and cruelly abandoned and
invalidated and accused of being a
horrible person regularly my story is
your story because in this way our
stories are all pretty much identical we
see the narcissist as the answer to our
wounds often unconsciously we’re not
even realizing it hence the powerful
unexplainable unexplainable logically
bond to them yet their message to us is
to find and heal these wounds within
ourselves when we awaken and we get very
self honest this is how we know there
are parts of ourselves which are
unhealed we’re still sticking around and
frantically trying to make the
narcissist think and do it differently
we’re clinging on to that person trying
to force them to provide us with the
relief of these traumas get the only way
out of the nightmare is to let go of
these people and attend to those parts
that are screaming out for us deeply
within ourselves if we were a whole and
healed source to ourselves it becomes a
clear-cut thing we say I don’t agree
with your work
warped version and me you’re skewered
version of me and I have no need to try
to change you to have a great version of
myself goodbye see you later
and we are thrilled to discover when
that’s really true for us on the inside
and we actualize it we’re thrilled to
discover that we have zero urge for the
narcissus to provide us with ourselves
anymore and the longing desperation and
the missing ends as does the narcissus
power to hook you and hurt you if you
get the any healing job done well enough
and the narcissus becomes totally
irrelevant and whilst you’re becoming a
force of fearless calm power narcissus
let go and they move on with their life
both selves cannot exist in healed and
whole environments no more than germs
cat in a healthy clean environment
there’s nothing for them to feed off and
you may think that this is glib and
unrealistic I promise you it’s not
absolutely there can be complications
with narcissus that need to be unpicked
and sorted such as custody with children
property businesses and all sorts of air
measurements yet no matter how difficult
these challenges are I really want you
to understand that the greatest or most
deadly binds with narcissus are the ones
we’re suffering emotionally through our
wounds when we heal from these all else
can follow myself and thousands of
others have granted the overwhelming

Consumers Are Becoming Wise to Your Nudge

“Only 2 rooms left? They don’t expect me to believe that do they? You see that everywhere.”

I leave with a wry smile. The client won’t be happy, but at least the project findings are becoming clear. Companies in certain sectors use the same behavioral interventions repeatedly. Hotel booking websites are one example. Their sustained, repetitive use of scarcity (e.g., “Only two rooms left!”) and social proof (“16 other people viewed this room”) messaging is apparent even to a casual browser.

For Chris the implication was clear: this “scarcity” was just a sales ploy, not to be taken seriously.

My colleagues and I at Trinity McQueen, an insight consultancy, wondered, was Chris’s reaction exceptional, or would the general public spot a pattern in the way that marketers are using behavioral interventions to influence their behavior? Are scarcity and social proof messages so overused in travel websites that the average person does not believe them? Do they undermine brand trust?

The broader question, one essential to both academics and practitioners, is how a world saturated with behavioral interventions might no longer resemble the one in which those interventions were first studied. Are we aiming at a moving target?

.. We started by asking participants to consider a hypothetical scenario: using a hotel booking website to find a room to stay in the following week. We then showed a series of nine real-world scarcity and social proof claims made by an unnamed hotel booking website.

Two thirds of the British public (65 percent) interpreted examples of scarcity and social proof claims used by hotel booking websites as sales pressure. Half said they were likely to distrust the company as a result of seeing them (49 percent). Just one in six (16 percent) said they believed the claims. 

The results surprised us. We had expected there to be cynicism among a subgroup—perhaps people who booked hotels regularly, for example. The verbatim commentary from participants showed people see scarcity and social proof claims frequently online, most commonly in the travel, retail, and fashion sectors. They questioned truth of these ads, but were resigned to their use:

“It’s what I’ve seen often on hotel websites—it’s what they do to tempt you.”

“Have seen many websites do this kind of thing so don’t really feel differently when I do see it.”

In a follow up question, a third (34 percent) expressed a negative emotional reaction to these messages, choosing words like contempt and disgust from a precoded list. Crucially, this was because they ascribed bad intentions to the website. The messages were, in their view, designed to induce anxiety:

 “… almost certainly fake to try and panic you into buying without thinking.”

“I think this type of thing is to pressure you into booking for fear of losing out and not necessarily true.”

For these people, not only are these behavioral interventions not working but they’re having the reverse effect. We hypothesize psychological reactance is at play: people kick back when they feel they are being coerced. Several measures in our study support this. A large minority (40 percent) of the British public agreed that that“when someone forces me to do something, I feel like doing the opposite.” This is even more pronounced in the commercial domain: seven in ten agreed that “when I see a big company dominating a market I want to use a competitor.” Perhaps we Brits are a cynical bunch, but any behavioral intervention can backfire if people think it is a cynical ploy.

Heuristics are dynamic, not static

Stepping back from hotel booking websites, this is a reminder that heuristics are not fixed, unchanging. The context for any behavioral intervention is dynamic, operating in “a coadapting loop between mind and world.” Repeated exposure to any tactic over time educates you about its likely veracity in that context. Certain tactics (e.g., scarcity claims) in certain situations (e.g., in hotel booking websites) have been overused. Our evidence suggests their power is now diminished in these contexts.

Two questions for the future

In our study, we focused on a narrow commercial domain. It would be unwise to make blanket generalizations about the efficacy of all behavioral interventions based on this evidence alone. And yet nagging doubts remain.

#1: Like antibiotic resistance, could overuse in one domain undermine the effectiveness of interventions for everyone?

If so, the toolkit of interventions could conceivably shrink over time as commercial practitioners overuse interventions to meet their short-term goals. Most would agree that interventions used to boost prosocial behavior in sectors such as healthcare have much more consequential outcomes. In time, prosocial practitioners may be less able to rely on the most heavily used tactics from the commercial domains such as social proof and scarcity messaging.

#2 : How will the growing backlash against big tech and “surveillance capitalism” affect behavioral science?

Much of the feedback from the public relates to behavioral interventions they have seen online, not offline. Many of the strategies for which big tech companies are critiqued center on the undermining of a user’s self-determination. The public may conflate the activities of these seemingly ubiquitous companies (gathering customer data in order to predict and control behavior) with those of the behavioral science community. If so, practitioners might find themselves under much greater scrutiny.

Feedback loops matter

There probably was never an era when simple behavioral interventions gave easy rewards. Human behavior—context-dependent, and driven by a multitude of interacting influences—will remain gloriously unpredictable.

Marketers should design nudges with more than the transaction in mind, not only because it is ethical or because they will be more effective over time but also because they bear responsibility toward the practitioner community as a whole.

The lesson I take from our study? Feedback loops affect the efficacy of behavioral interventions more than we realize. Just because an intervention was successful five years ago does not mean it will be successful today. Practitioners should pay as much attention to the ecosystem their interventions operate in as their customers do. There’s no better place to start than spending time with them—talking, observing, and empathizing.

We should also consider our responsibilities as we use behavioral interventions. Marketers should design nudges with more than the transaction in mind, not only because it is ethical or because they will be more effective over time but also because they bear responsibility toward the practitioner community as a whole. We owe an allegiance to the public, but also to each other.