Are you the scapegoat in your social group? Were you considered the problem child growing up? Are you constantly blamed for family problems? Blame and Shame are the primary aspects of scapegoating. In this episode, Teal Swan explains that what most people don’t see is how the scapegoat perpetuates the blame in order to stay safe in social situations.
On your path of healing, do you find yourself going back to the role of scapegoat? A life where you are your first priority is meaningful and beautiful when you are on your healing journey. If you found yourself in the role of the family scapegoat very often, this is how to reject that role and take back your power in toxic situations. In this video, I discuss some of my tips on how you can do exactly this.
How the “moral panic” of critical race theory morphed into a book-banning frenzy. And, why a disparate group of billionaires, Republican politicians, televangelists, media outlets, and white supremacist militias have found common cause around a new and exciting moral panic.
- We work hard, we play hard. => Expectation of Long hours with unobtainable goals. Play hard means incentivized events, often after hours events.
- We are family => Small, privately owned businesses. When I am at work I am not able to fill time with my actual family, cult-like
- We’ll promote you later (6 month or year) => Don’t have the budget. You don’t have it in writing and will have to fight for it, especially if your hiring manager leaves
- You’re replaceable =>They don’t value you on any level. Live in Fear
- We wear a lot of hats => You have to do a lot of roles of
- We’re in startup mode
- We only hire rockstars => Check Glassdoor to see if salaries match
- We’re always hiring => They have high turn over for a good reason.There is a revolving door
- If they lay people off,They’ll call you back if things get better => often from “family businesses”
- They say that they have a foosball table => like putting lipstick on a pig
- if you need help
It seems to be becoming less common, but another sign of bad employers if when they require someone who can “multitask” or who “thrives in a fast paced environment”. These are often euphemisms for disorganized management.“We’re like a family” is one of the most toxic tropes in the workplace in my opinion and it needs to stop. It sets up an expectation to devote yourself to people that don’t deserve your loyalty and have no practical way to compensate it. Companies really CAN’T be like a family for the simple fact that in a family you have to accommodate everyone and you can’t fire anyone! Families are way harder to manage which is why your energy needs to go to your real family.I had a boss who would regularly say, “You know, this is a ‘fire at will’ state, right? Anyone can be fired at any time for any reason or no reason!” Great, boss. Thanks for the motivational speech. Also, since we worked at the corporate headquarters of a multi-state operation, we were told that we were “overhead” so we really had to deliver value or we’d be canned. They also paid “market rates” no matter how good or bad one’s performance was! And then hired consultants for hundreds of thousands of dollars to find out why performance was lackluster and turnover was so high! It’d be hilarious if it wasn’t so soul-destroying. Unfortunately, I’m describing most companies.You could have made your own list rather than spying on the company I work for.
Fast paced environment usually translates as: “We will overwork you and overstress you and when you burn out we will blame you for not being up to the task and will spit you out and yell “Next!”“You’re gonna be wearing multiple hats.” “So you’re also gonna pay me multiple salaries, then?”I always hated mandatory “fun” during my off hours. Got wrote up at a company for not going to a Christmas party that was off the clock. I told them I don’t work for free. That and I HATE Xmas, so forcing me to go was just wrong to me.Love this list! In my last job search I wound up with several interviews, and I heard all of these things over and over again. The company that finally stood out said a couple things differently: “Your weekends are yours.” “We don’t want people getting burned out.” “We’re probably going to wait a year before hiring anyone else.” “We can train technical skills, we need someone with an eye for detail.” They are the best company I’ve ever worked for. These terrible “we are a family” tropes need to stop. This is a job, not your family, and a great company recognizes that!One of my favorites is, “We’re looking for someone who can think outside the box”. What they are really saying is that their company is broken and they are looking for someone to blame it on. Remember, they created “the box”. If they are looking for someone to think outside of it, they are essentially saying that the system they created doesn’t work. Rather than admitting they have lost control, they hire someone to use as a scapegoat. The new hire lasts a few months and then is let go. The management blames the new hire for screwing up the whole company and they pat each other on the back for getting rid of them. They then go back to their business as usual.“We are like family” is also a sign of nepotism. Actual family and close friends tend to be in higher positions and the employees get to do all the work with zero reward.
“We’re a family here”
“We have an open door policy”
“Our wages and benefits are competitive”
“Any issues feel free to talk to HR”
“Everyone needs to sacrifice”
“We can’t do your review right now. Remind me later”
These are just a few off the top of my head
Speaking to the replaceable: Companies are equally replaceable. I worked for an IT outfit in Cleveland and the owner wanted to chase a certain market. I asked about company support for training and certification. He straight up said “I expect you to cover that as it directly benefits you and your career”. Really this is how you’re going to play it asshole?
So I went and did the training and certification myself, went to his competitor for $15K more/year. Walked into his office and let him know I took his advice from 6 months ago and wanted to thank him.
We was initially confused and then I reminded him of what he said and let him know I fired him.
>> Well done. Changing jobs is the normal way to get a step change in remuneration.
My company has promised to promote me and I’ve been officially working in the higher position since April, without more pay. (I’ve already been doing most of the tasks of the higher role for a year.) I was told in April the official promotion and raise was supposed to come by the end of this year, because they first want to see if I can handle that role (that I’ve been basically doing for a year). So… Yeah, I’ve been applying for other jobs since April and my last day at that company will be in 2 weeks.
“Employees are our most valuable resource.” Said by a CEO after multiple layoffs. I asked her how that works. She said, “Employees are our most valuable resource, just not any particular employee. ”
My favorite is when they ask you to not discuss pay after you ask for a raise because you found out new hires are making 2 dollars an hour more than you. I quit so fast
“We care about a candidate’s compatibility with our company culture” – The greatest loophole for discrimination
I have another one for you. “This is a salaried position”. This being said in the context that you are expected to work long hours. Yes, it may be a salaried position however; that does not mean I want to work 80 hours a week for you! I have worked for a company in which I couldn’t make dinner plans with my family because something could come up at the drop of a hat and I was expected to work way beyond the the normal workday.
You hit this one out of the park! My crappy employers have said most of these things; my better employers haven’t. I despite the “we are a family” pitch. Nope, no you aren’t. My family may WANT to fire me or lay me off but they can’t. When I have a true success in life, my family is excited…the employer wonders “hmmm…how might this negatively impact me?” I am with you 100%.
I’m an IT guy and I’ve been taking these temp to hire contract jobs, so the whole “we’ll promote you later” thing is bull. They lay me off before they have to put up and hire me full time. Being an IT person I can tell you that pretty much every job you’re going to in this industry, you’re going to “wear multiple hats”, and not pay you for it. They’re trying to get away with a ton of this right now in this Covid economy.
“If your not happy quit, I can hire someone else” than management turns around and says “your an integral part of company and our business cannot afford to lose you”.
“You’re replaceable” is right down there with “If you’re not happy here, you can leave.”
Often “Our company is like a family” means “Our company grew from a small group without ever professionalizing its approach” and/or “People rely on longstanding relationships to get things done, so it’s impossible to get things well organized or done the right way.”
I’ve heard the “we’re always hiring” one myself when going around asking if their place is hiring, and I honestly don’t know why anyone would think it’s a positive comment unless its a brand new place that needs lots of people.
When I’m told “we’re always hiring” what I really hear is “everyone quits within a few months”, and that doesn’t happen at places people like to work at.
I worked at a “family” company. I hope to never make that mistake again. I’ve also noticed if usually a job ad says “we’re growing”, that’s a cover up for “someone just quit”. I know this because that’s what they put in the ad for my job when I left.
When they say “we care about mental health” it means they provide you a compfy yoga room to cry in when the job drives you crazy.
This is so spot on. The “always hiring” one especially is a dead giveaway that it’s an utterly toxic environment – either they fire people for little or no reason, and/or it’s so miserable that they can’t keep people from constantly quitting.
As an engineer, I avoid any company using the H1B cheap worker replacement visas. Culture of fear can’t be avoided when they are threatening to offshore your job and make you compete with third world wages.
The “We’re looking for a rockstar” line in job postings is always cringe to me. I’m not a rockstar, I’m a professional and I want my services, years of experience and expertise to be taken seriously…
I remember going through a interview process with a company, and I was extended an offer, however when I got the offer letter the salary was lower than what was discussed and agreed upon in the hiring process. I called back the hiring manager to let him know I wouldn’t be taking that position. To me that was incredibly dishonest, amdi didn’t want to work for an employer that tried to cut corners and lie before you even get in the door.
Yup I heard the “We are like a family” line AFTER I had to file complaints on two toxic bosses in two different situations. It was like their last line of defense when they were confronted with their inappropriate behavior. “You are not my family/don’t care about yours/ do your job and leave me alone” is my motto and how I present at work. I’m here to work and be supported in my role. Get a shrink if you are having so many issues that you need to continually vent at work.
“At every company I’ve worked at, they say ‘we’re a big family here,’ and it does motivate people to work harder and neglect their actual families and put up with all sorts of degrading shit.” – Colin Robinson, What We Do In The Shadows
“We need to do more with less.”
Translation: we can’t keep people, so we’re just going to say you can do 50% more work in the same amount of time.
A former employer: To celebrate the $100s of millions a previous project made for the company, the team was invited to “come let us treat you to a cup of coffee” Amazing how tone deaf some of these managers are.
I’m laughing so hard right now because this video fits very good the absurdity I have to work in. I work in the video game industry in a city that is one of the world’s largest video game centre. In all my work experience on ten years there was at least one of those toxic signs among the 9 presented every time. I estimate that at least 70% of the industry’s companies in the city I live present the toxic signs presented in the video. On top of that, part of that culture is that people work for passion so if you don’t suck up the toxic you’re told you don’t have the passion and someone seen as not having the passion is discriminated without more consideration.
One of my fav is, “you can have any position you want in this company”. I have never seen an employee take on a CEO role to fix the bad decisions made
I’ve experienced the “we are family” nonsense in several jobs. That’s the stupidest thing anyone in a company can tell me. I’ve never bought into that garbage from people I work with, some of which I can’t even stand. Later when they show their true colors, I use it against them (“Is that how you treat your family?” “You know, the family thing goes both ways.” and my favorite, “Oh, now after this we’re family?”). Also the “we wear a lot of hats” nonsense is the biggest sign of the place being a mess.
I’d also add when companies tell you “we’re friendly”. I’ve never ever had the need to clarify to people that I am friendly, and I’ve never ever met any friendly person who have to say that they are friendly, so if the company has to tell people, chances are the place is a gossip/drama ridden place, infested with all kinds of dysfunctional people who are not friendly at all.
“We did not have enough revenue this year to give raises.” Then you find out all C level people got bonuses and raises and the revenue of the company is up greater than 10% from the previous year.
I accepted a ‘You’ll get a raise once you’re trained up’ situation to accept a pay that was WAY under market. Once I was trained up, the raise was 25 cents per hour. I now know to ask for details upfront – but wished I knew earlier. So wonderful that your giving people the tools to avoid these bad situations!
I worked for a Fortune 10 company and saw nearly every red flag warning sign while working there. It’s easy to simply brush aside your instincts and buckle up for a bumpy ride. It can be difficult to face the reality of the situation and make the right choices for you AND your real family. Especially for the older generation like myself where loyalty was driven into us to a fault. Great video!!
“We’ll promote you later.”
I took a job where in the verbal offer this was stated with details of how I would be promoted within 6 months and be paid what I was making at my previous job (I took a large pay cut to take this job in a desperate move to exit another toxic work environment). However, in my written offer the promotion was nowhere to be found. I accepted because it was a small company, in the production world even DECENT jobs are difficult to find, and they brought it up periodically to remind me they hadn’t forgotten.
Three days after I started my hiring manager and direct supervisor walked out (too long of a story to post here but he wasn’t an angel in the scenario either). He and I were the only two in the department. So I worked there for 16 months with no training, garbage pay, garbage benefits, and all because I expected them to do the bare minimum as adults and hold up their end of the bargain.
What I’m saying is don’t work for a stone fabricator in Madison, WI. Companies like this need to be ousted.
Ironically I left that job and started working at a place…with a foosball table.
My favorite line was “we are trying to design the plane while it is flying” to explain why they were constantly firing people.
Turns out they just were stuck because they were too scared to piss off their sales/engineering sections that were only a couple people deep who were threatening to leave if they didn’t get their way. They were protecting their jobs from someone cheaper/better so they wouldn’t end up on the chopping block.
“We believe in a Work/Life balance”. “There are 24 hours in a day, we only expect you to work half of those”.
“Don’t come up to me asking for a raise, I will come up to you myself offering a raise when I decide that it’s needed” – was told this by the future boss when getting hired at a small lawyer’s office. Needless to say, the environment at that office was incredibly toxic, but I needed the money.
Do you have, or considered making a video about sham interviews? The ones where they have already have a favourite candidate and using other candidates as “fill”? What to do in those situations? Who to complain to about such corruption and exploitation?
@Colin I gave up on all that positivity and doing the right thing. None of that got me no where. All these managers play games and get the nice checks. I quit after being played, my team misses me and now they gotta deal w the bullshit supervisor rn
@lakes yes unfortunately these days total obedience seems to be the theme at workplaces and interviews, not objectivity, innovation or productivity. It’s hyper politicalised made worse by a declining economy which fuels more “jobs for mates”.
I see this a lot of times in corporate environments where the hiring manager already has an internal hire picked out but because of corporate policy, they have to put in a sham effort to interview external candidates as well. You can usually tell when this is happening because the hiring manager is totally disengaged from the interview and is really conscious of the time. Mentions it several times. Things like, “so I know we have a limited time” or “to stay on track with our time today”. Sometimes an external candidate will even get to the 2nd or 3rd round before they cut them loose. What a huge waste of everyone’s time and quite soul crushing for the external candidate when they feel like they actually have a chance.
“We’re just one big happy family!”
Translation: We’re the grownups, you’re the child. Expect regular spankings.
I worked for a place that had “work hard/play hard” energy. I was part of a small department who was constantly overworked and salaried. Some of our PM’s favorite lines were “the drawings are wrong” and “just make it work”
I left because when I was interviewing, they told me that they give pay increases based on number of certifications earned. Well, when I came up to my boss’s desk with 11 certifications earned in a year, he told me to wait until our “yearly review” that never happened. I stopped putting extra effort into that job after that.
I’ve had one say “you need to get out of your comfort zone” which basically means “you need to do a whole bunch of crap that isn’t your job.”
As someone who has heard pretty much all these terms during an interview and taken these jobs you are completely right!!!! As soon as I hear the term we need a go getter or we need you to hit the ground running, Im out!!! No matter how hard you work its just not gonna work out. Or we are a family here. Just get up and walk out.
Every time I hear “we only hire rockstars” usually followed by “you should be proud to make it this far because we get tons of applications” or something along those lines it just comes off like the stereotypical used car salesman trying to butter you up
Funny- almost all of these are what GameStop pulls, except “we have a foosball table”. One of the worst companies I’ve ever worked for in my life!
Funny- almost all of these are what GameStop pulls, except “we have a foosball table”. One of the worst companies I’ve ever worked for in my life!
Great job. Yeah, that “We’re like a Family” bs only tends to apply to people that are actually making the money, or running some kinda agenda. A job and the people therein arent your friends, or “family.”
Unfortunately, I have worked at more than a few companies in my area over the past 15 years. I can tell you that I have heard almost everything you mention at every single one of them, including at many of my interviews. I am convinced that company owners get together in this area and purposely collude against the workers. It is hypocritical, considering the anti-union stance they have all taken over the past 30 some years. What’s good for the good is not good for the gander in my area. Additionally, it does me no good to craft an exit strategy when I know the next place will be just as bad, if not worse, than where I work now.
“Early is on time, on time is late and late is unacceptable” is the one I can’t stand the most. It sounds catchy, but is mostly corporate’s way of saying we don’t want to pay you for everything you do.
It may be similar to the first one but I often hear ‘this is a fast paced environment’ which usually seems to mean ‘we are grossly understaffed so you’ll be doing the work of two people’.
The state needs division. It needs people to make enemies.
yeah and i think i think murray would
would say that that’s actually the
sort of the purpose of politics
yeah i mean like as we know politics as
we know them yes um
which involves the state and the state
the state needs to keep us all in a
a fear yes and um
and there has to be some way to divide
people because naturally in a market
we all get a lot right which right like
i hope people don’t forget like in 2019
you could walk down the streets of any
commercial district and any city in the
world and have
friends all around you and
and really enjoy your life and and meet
that are from a different place you’re
so fascinated like where you’re from
kind of thing you know
that that was the the marketplace it was
the agora you know under which we we
encountered people not like ourselves
but we found value in them and dignity
and we realized
something very important which is that
their existence helps me and my
existence helps abstain
we had a cooperative relationship but
politics doesn’t like that right
politics like something else
uh politics likes division and friends
and it likes hatred
and it likes killing and likes blood
who likes death
um anything to keep the regime alive
the regime has to live
and and how
it lives is through division
and and um
and i think this is why murray hated the
i’m going to turn this stuff i’m so
um that’s why he hated the state because
it divided people from each other you
know like we’re naturally as benjamin
constance used to say we have a natural
interest in getting along with each
but the state
doesn’t want that
you know the state doesn’t want us to
get along the state wants us to to hate
and we turn against our neighbors and
uh uh state managers to help us um a lot
of my my influences here are really
due to this book i read called the um
it was by carl schmidt it’s written in
called uh something of politics the
essence of politics or something like
that and he hated liberalism in the old
classical sense and he said look life
without politics is boring and dreadful
all you do all you do
is you know have barbara backyard
barbecues and and baseball and and
and um one day flows into the next and
you get along with others and you said
look nobody wants to live that kind of
life nobody wants to live like that you
you want big things to happen to you
something dramatic you want upheavals
the only way we can um really achieve
that is through through politics through
hatred through bloodshed and i don’t
mean just like symbolic enemies
blood to flow in the streets he said
that’s where you find meaning that’s how
you find meaning in life that’s how you
know your life matters it says kashmir
now he was a huge of course nazi uh
he was put on the nurburgring trials and
they they uh eventually exonerated him
on grounds that he was just crazy
intellectuals so therefore didn’t kill
anybody but he killed a lot of people
actually with these views
but that’s what he said it’s like
our lives have to mean something
and and and
bourgeois capitalism does not give us
meaning it just gives us
abundance and peace and abundance and
peace is boring
so politics gives us something gives us
turmoil because it’s difficult because
the struggle gives us heroes
uh gives us enemies um
but he has this other weird comment in
there he’s like
so who is the enemy
and his answer is it doesn’t
the enemy is whomever the state
decides is the enemy
the the point of enemy-ness is that it
it’s not the who is the what
um so so there are there are people out
there who believe this you know
and so long as states exist there will
be somebody who’s a
a convert to schmitty in view
now if you read machiavelli it’s the
uh very similar sort of thing so i think
we’re being manipulated
by forces very much outside of our
control um shouldn’t be but they are
um we we have the potential as humanity
all to get along
through which we find meaning we should
we should find meaning for ourselves
like you have to do this i have to do
this we have to find
find out what makes our lives meaningful
meaningful but meaning cannot come
through violence it can’t come through
destruction it can’t come through
we tried that
in the 20th century and
and we found it uh ghastly and and awful
um i’ve finished my soliloquy with the
Jeffrey A. Tucker joins me for a conversation about his beautiful written work titled “The Purges Have Begun,” covering the preciousness of human freedom and the fortitude necessary to protect it in this “post-modern” world.
Be sure to check out NYDIG, one of the most important companies in Bitcoin: https://nydig.com/
Jeffrey’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/jeffreyatucker
Jeffrey’s Written Work: https://jeffreytucker.me/
“The Purges Have Begun”: https://brownstone.org/articles/the-p…
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00:00:00 “What is Money?” Intro
00:00:08 The Purges Have Begun
00:07:07 March 2020: The Inflection Point
00:11:46 Taxation as Societal Bifurcation
00:15:39 “A Life Without Politics is Boring”
00:22:58 We Don’t Study History to Learn Lessons
00:29:03 Bitcoin Never Blinked
00:33:32 A Beautiful Anarchy
00:36:43 Radical Deprivation in 2022?
00:40:00 The “Regime” Cannot Compete
00:45:30 What Happens When the State Becomes Irrelevant?
00:51:25 Failure of The State
The ugly psychology behind scapegoating, with Luke Burgis