I was a little white girl, mirroring people’s own racism back to them in the innocent way only a child can, and when they saw their racism in me they refused to take responsibility for it. They blamed it on me, and I believed them.
.. due to the common practice of the household patriarch raping his female slaves, it is highly likely that white children often witnessed the beating of their own family members. In order to maintain the institution of slavery, children had to learn to act outwhat they were told and ignore what they felt, and so childrearing methods to numb children to their own emotions were developed.
.. I learned some toxic things around race relations. One was that it was unacceptable for me to state, plainly, my observations or questions around race so I kept quiet on topics that confused me. I learned there were certain things I was “allowed” to say, and certain things I wasn’t “allowed” to say, and these rules seemed arbitrary. I also learned that white people would say things they weren’t “allowed” to say when they were around other white people, but to repeat such things in larger groups was unacceptable and would lead to denial, and attacks on my person.
.. I realized I was able to fend off these feelings of shame by acting in overtly “not racist” ways. If I complimented black people, for instance, or expressed outrage at racial injustices, my feelings of shame around my own presumed racism would be lessened.
.. Narcissistic behavior (at least as I understand it from reading
the last psychiatrist) is basically defined as behaving in ways to create a positive story about ones self in order to maintain high self image. So, if someone volunteers at a homeless shelter so she can tell herself and others what a good person she is, she is acting out of narcissism.
.. What it is very difficult for people acting out of white narcissism to do isempathize with people who have experienced racism. If someone brings up an incident with racism in it, their number one concern (as someone desperately trying to cover their own racism, even to themselves) will behow can I show that I am not like this racist person.
.. Additionally, I think white people should stop excessive shaming of racists. Once their behavior has been identified as problematic, we can stop there. Excessive shaming of other people sets us up to be highly defended ourselves, because we fear also being called out in such a way. It is much more important that you are able to fix your own problematic behavior than it is for you identify it in others.