When does an INFJ love?
When an INFJ can feel their partner is loyal to them and they can be who they are; and be vulnerable with them.
The most important thing for INFJs is loyalty; i.e., trust to know they won’t reject or abandon the INFJ.
The INFJ needs to know whether the relationship with their partner will come to fruition and has a future. INFJs are very goal-oriented people because of their Ni and it doesn’t make it easier with their usual trust issues; which stem from, for example, their past, disappointments in friends or family, being taken for granted or even advantage of.
INFJs need to feel free & safe (to be who they really are) to love someone; otherwise it will be very hard for both to have a real chance of developing a connection (because that’s what we all, and INFxs more than anyone and anything, want).
So in order for an INFJ to enter a relationship and truly love, they need to feel safe with their partner and know they won’t betray them and will be loyal. Someone who’s emotionally available and safe. Safe in the sense that they won’t explode one day with emotions and then simply walk away like nothing has happened; referring ‘emotional vampires’ that drain us purposefully and such an atmosphere is literally detrimental to our mental and physical health as we naturally absorb the emotions and moods of others (in general, FJ types can’t be with someone like this).
How does an INFJ love(when matured and healthy)?
First and foremost, an INFJ loves with the integrity to tell the truth, be vulnerable and loyal. (This should extent to both parties as mutuality is essential for a long-term and healthy relationship.)
What does ‘integrity’ mean?
From the Cambridge English Dictionary:
The quality to be honest and having strong moral principles that you refuse to change.
INFJs most often dive right into the relationship and want to get to the ‘core’ of their partner (i.e., who am I with?). It might be difficult for their partner, but the key here really is communication; and finding a place of comfort & trust to ask and tell the truth and open up. Hence, open-mindedness is tremendously important>B? as it shows and helps the INFJ to understand who their partner is and where they’re coming from.
When and only when they have thought about every possible outcome of the relationship. We can identify loving thoughts and such, but we won’t allow them to take over until we are 100% the relationship has a high chance of being long-lasting and good for both parties. If we are in a bad place or would pull the other person down we won’t allow love to occur no matter how much or how beautiful the SO is. If we believe we would be negatively affected by the relationship and could do nothing to help the SO we also won’t allow these thoughts to take over.
Most people fall in love via only emotions, which is great and all, but they lose the long term prospects of the relationship. This is why so many people who fall in love get hurt or end up unhappy. When an INFJ “falls” in love they are allowing it to take them over, this means if an INFJ falls in love with you they already have the feelings there, but they have also logically and thoughtful calculated the relationship. We don’t waste our time on things that we don’t believe will last(a life time if we’re lucky), if an INFJ falls in love with you, you can bet he has thought on it for the past 6 months of his life before even starting to allow the feelings to take over.
We aren’t normal, we have the power to give logical power over emotions. This means when we allow an emotion to take over we are allowing it to happen and that emotion has been vetted for a very long time.
We have the power to choose and I think that scares a lot of people, but we are only human, once something like love comes along even INFJ’s have issues stopping it<,/b>. We love logic and if our logic allows it (It wouldn’t if the relationship doesn’t fit what was mentioned above) then we fall hard and will give it 100% of the effort that we can. We also ensure the timing is somewhat correct, falling in love before each person in the couple has completely matured as a person and knows how to be independent would lead to issues later on.
<,b>We take our time and nothing can rush us on the important stuff, but when we have decided we know what we are choosing and will stick to it. This isn’t a random thought, this has been planned, dwelled on, advice has been taken on and we have gathered all the information possible. Information ranging from:
Interaction with the person who we love (lovee)
Interactions between the lovee and their relationships
Interactions between the lovee and animals → super, super important
Interactions between the lovee and parents
Interactions between the lovee and people in less important positions
Interactions between the lovee and the INFJ’s friends
How the lovee acts when one’s watching, not in that way
What indications the lovee gives off via verbal tone, eye movement, dress sense, body language, posture. Not just in signs of attraction but in general, you can tell a lot about how someone feels in life by how they hold themselves.
We also see the other side of people, you can guarantee this is taken into account when falling so you would be well versed to surprise an INFJ although it is possible.
Likes and dislikes
Interests and hobbies
There is more but can’t remember right now, honestly though we take every thing into consideration big or little.
With all this taken into consideration keep in mind, we aren’t right every time. 85% of the time we are, we can guarantee we have thought this through, we can’t guarantee it will definitely work out as no one entering a relationship can ever promise that (if they did they would be lying). This comes from our inability to lie or be told lies, we just don’t do it. We will also put safety boundaries in place to ensure we aren’t taken advantage of although we hope to never have to get close to those boundaries. It takes a lot, I really mean a lot for an INFJ to fall in love so don’t take it likely, or do and the safety boundaries will take over.