Sociologists have long theorized that being the more committed partner in a romantic relationship is a very uncomfortable place to be. “If one lover is considerably more involved than the other, his greater commitment invites exploitation or provokes feelings of entrapment, both of which obliterate love,”
.. The person with the least interest in continuing the association has the power to dictate the terms on which it will continue.
.. The couples who live together are at higher risk of asymmetrical commitment than are those who merely date (42 percent to 30 percent).
.. “It is immensely dissatisfying and frustrating to be the more committed partner in an unequally committed relationship,”
.. Were these asymmetrical relationships more likely to break up? Yes, overall, but when the scholars looked closer they found that this was mostly true when the less committed partner was a woman. “Overall, women’s levels of commitment were vastly more predictive than men’s levels of who stayed together and who did not (five times more predictive),”
.. Men prefer having a woman, even one they aren’t that into, to not having a woman. Women more often prefer being alone to being in a poor-quality relationship.
.. “more people are finding themselves in long-term, unmarried relationships, sometimes for many years, before they realize that their partner is just not that into them. Sliding into moving together or having a child together is often not transformative.” If you want a happy and stable marriage, don’t slide, decide.
The Power of a Dinner Table
Bill Milliken, a veteran youth activist, is often asked which programs turn around kids’ lives. “I still haven’t seen one program change one kid’s life,” he says. “What changes people is relationships. Somebody willing to walk through the shadow of the valley of adolescence with them.”
.. The problems facing this country are deeper than the labor participation rate and ISIS. It’s a crisis of solidarity, a crisis of segmentation, spiritual degradation and intimacy.
God Is Relationship
Aristotle taught that there were ten different qualities to all things. I’m not going to list all ten of them; two will suffice. He said there was “substance” and there was “relationship.”
.. We wanted a substantial God whom we could prove was as good as anybody else’s God!
Yet, when Jesus called himself the Son of the Father and yet one with the Father, he is giving clear primacy torelationship.
.. I would name salvation as simply the readiness, the capacity, and the willingness to stay in relationship. As long as you show up with some degree of vulnerability, the Spirit can keep working.
.. That’s why Jesus shows up in this world as a naked, vulnerable one—a defenseless baby. Talk about utter relationship! Naked vulnerability means I’m going to let you influence me; I’m going to allow you to change me.
.. We are intrinsically like the Trinity, living in an absolute relatedness. To stand outside of this flow is to live within the deepest meaning of sin.
Eugine Peterson: Doing the Right thing the wrong way
Every time there is an advance in technology there is a decrease in relationship.
God acts through relationship.
Every word of scripture is personal speech, to be answered with prayer.
Nothing happens to a glacier until it is 64 feet thick, but then it starts to move and nothing can stop it. The mountains around here are cut by glaciers.
Lets not have any God talk, lets just get on living (with relationships).