10 Mind Games Narcissists Play They Hope You Won’t Figure Out/Lisa A Romano

Narcissists play all sorts of mind games hoping they will be able to lure you in by gaining your trust. Once they gain your trust, they go to work executing all sorts of narcissistic mind games. The mind games of a narcissist are created to keep you feeling off-balance, insecure, and worrying about your state of mind. The more mind games a narcissist can play, the better they are at keeping you in the narcissistic abuse cycle. Although there are many different mind games narcissist play, in this video I address 10 mind games they play. They play mind games to fake you out, remain the boss inside the relationship, and work diligently at manipulating you to believe you are responsible for just about everything and anything. Narcissists play mind games so they can avoid intimacy, feeling vulnerable and maintain control over their victims. Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional abuse. Narcissists use mind games as a form of covert abuse. Covert narcissists are difficult to spot but if you know the mind games they play, it can help you save your time, money, heart, and life from unnecessary narcissistic abuse.


  1. Fake Out: Empathy to get close to you.  Then use confidence against you
  2. One Up:  Must always maintain superiority.  If you’re up, they must bring you down
  3. It wasn’t me.  It doesn’t matter what lie you catch them in, they never accept accountability.
  4. Do you smell smoke:  (Gas lighting)   You have to know yourself whether you suffer from low self-esteem and are vulnerable.  Saying things that aren’t true to get a reaction out of you.
    1. If you feel like you should be recording conversations to play them back to prove your side, that’s a warning sign
    2. They are remembering everything about you, probing your wounds, but often not sharing (honestly) about themselves.
    3. Pay attention if they redirect the conversation on you.
  5. I’m the boss around here: work to keep anger under wraps.  May have ill will towards you.  Do not want to meet you in the middle.
    1. need to show you who the boss is.  If they sense loss of power or being held accountable which they can’t do because they associate that with vulnerability which they associate with weakness
  6. little red riding hood: wolf in sheep’s clothing.  Inconsistency: Vegan, but kick the dog
  7. Rico Swave, Feme Fatale
  8. nothing makes sense: goal is to keep you insecure.  Hot and Cold
  9. if you feel off balance
    1. do i feel seen, safe.  Do they meet half way.  Do they have a history of cheating.


How to Shut Down and Diffuse a Narcissist with 3 Smart Key Phrases So You Can Keep Your Cool

12:53 1) your feelings are important and my feelings are important…..  and we have to come to a decision that will work for us both

15:12 2) I understand your perceptions

20:59 3) Let me think about it


How to Shut Down and Diffuse a Narcissist with 3 Smart Key Phrases So You Can Keep Your Cool. Narcissistic Abuse and Codependency Recovery Support Online Program https://www.lisaaromano.com/12wbcp

8 Key Phrases You Can Use to Shut Down a Narcissist

10 Mind Games Narcissists Play They Hope You Won’t Figure Out

The best thing to do with a highly narcissistic person is to go no contact. When it is not possible to go no contact, the best thing to do is to diffuse and disarm a narcissist with key phrases you can use to shut them down and get them to leave you alone. The worst thing to do is engage and enrage a narcissist. Covert narcissists who use crazymaking communication against you, can drag you into never ending rabbit holes. When you learn to use these key phrases to shut down a narcissist, you can save your sanity and your soul!

If you would like support as you heal codependency, check out my narcissistic abuse recovery coaching program. I launch this online course twice a year and I moderate it myself. You can take it from anywhere in the world.

“Fake Alpha” Narcissists vs True Alphas

Authority vs Competence

Force an Agenda vs Gives Time to Buy into an Agenda

Unearned Loyalty vs Earned Byproduct of Relationship

Thin-skinned vs Understanding Difference.  Thick Skinned

Cult based on their Personal Preference vs Solid Ideas

Insistence vs Patient Planning & Process, dealing with problems that come up

Demand Obedience vs Creativity & Diversity

Desperate for Agreement vs Confident

Bullying, Threats, Name Calling, Derision vs Assertiveness with decency. Allows others Dignity

Has to be on top, Concerned with Rank vs Common Good

Self-impressed vs Humble

Exploitative vs Lifting Others Up

Appearance of Success vs Essence, Lets my Inner Being Speak

Angry Under Pressure vs Calm under Pressure


Short-term Brute Force


Life isn’t all about me.  Life is about Us

DRC: dignity, respect, civility

8 Questions A Narcissist Simply Cannot Answer

  1. What are some of your  deepest hurts?
  2. Why is it so difficult for you to admit flaws or mistakes?
  3. Why do you feel the need to impress strangers?  Fishing for admiration.
  4. Why do my differences threaten you so much?  No empathy.
  5. Do you honestly believe that your opinions cancel out the validity of others?
  6. In what ways do you need to grow and change?  Suggest not a complete person. Source of shame
  7. If I make you feel so frustrated, why do you keep coming back?  (it makes them feel superior)
  8. Why do you go silent? (passive-aggressive anger without vulnerability)

In order to grow and mature psychologically, you have to be willing to look inwardly with honesty. Dr. Les Carter describes how narcissists are not inclined toward inward examination, nor are they honest with themselves. He exposes 8 specific questions that they simply cannot come to terms with, but as you can ponder these questions, it will help you to know more clearly who you are as well as who the narcissist is.